I don't want to feel like this. I don't want tears in my eyes. I don't want to feel this helpless again. I don't want to go back there. I was there. For a long long time. I didn't like it. I've only got out. Both out of me and out of the house. And yet here I am again: sitting... hiding behind the screen, from myself, from everyone. I am supposed to go out tomorrow but for hours now I've been thinking of an excuse not to. Do you have any idea how many times I didn't go out because I felt like this? Do you have any idea what it did to me, this constant keeping to myself, not communicating with anyone? Do you have any idea what it's like to look at this self in the mirror? Do you have any idea how fucking hard it was for me to even try being someone else? Did you even once think about me? Why would you, I showed you someone else... And now me is back. In all its glory. In tears. In over-thinking. In blaming myself. In being helpless. In having no will to do anything. I don't want to be with people. I don't want to let them in. Look where it brought me. Wanting what I can't have. Wanting too many can't-have's. What's wrong with me? Why can't I be normal? Just... normal.
Prince is playing on the radio. Could you be the most beautiful girl in the world? No. I could be dead but I'm not even that.
12 spoke back:
Hey Krissie? Hi, Lindy here. I'm sorry. I'm shit-lame at knowing what to do when people are depressed. I've been depressed and honestly I think that it didn't matter what anybody said. All that I could do was take prescriptions untill I could finnaly get out of the situation that I was in. I got out and now I'm better. See? I'm useless at this.
But the whole "I could be dead but I'm not even that." ? Thing? Well darling I hope you stay not dead. Really Krissie I don't mean to go all super after school special on you but, well you know, please just don't do that.
I don't know who you're talking to in the letter. Someone that you thought you had to be fake for? Well fuck that. You're cool as hell just the way you are god damnit. OH yeah I'm getting all corny now, awesome. I suck at this sorry but I can't just read it and ignore it. Forgive me.
I wish you could see how beautiful you look in these pictures below. How radiant and fun looking. And paired with how funny you can be when you write? Well that's the kind of person I would want to hang out with. Even if I WOULD have to be the not-as-hot friend. I'd sacrifice it for your humor.
I don't know how to end this quite unsolicited perhaps unapreciated BLOB but I guess I just hope you get better. K, Lindy
I'm not doing away with self, Lindy. I'm better already.
But what you've said... Really sweet of you.
However, you people online get the inner me. That's not me in real life. Out there I'm everything but radiant, funny... whatever. Out there I'm invisible.
Wanting can't-have's is what keeps us going
Nobody ever said the journey was nice or brief...
As a very smart man once said (the smart man not being me) :
Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fall.
He who knows nothing has spoken...
I'm up, Mom! lol
Sorry, post-down humour.
Thank you, love, for other people's wisdom.
It is I...Leclerc...boring you again
I can't fuc**** believe it
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition
Soul mates don't bore each other.
Buck up sistah! No frowning. Frowning gives you wrinkles, and you wouldn't want to mess up that gorgeous face of yours with lines, now would ya? Didn't think so. Ah, boys...where to start...
Hate to go all cliche, but...no man is worth your tears. And the one who IS, would never make you cry.... ok, so maybe that was a little gay, but it's TRUE!!!
And don't feel bad about being shy/introverted in "real life." Wentworth is the same way, and chicks TOTALLY dig that about him!!! So it would appear as though "shyness" is quite the attractive quality, eh? Or is it his boyish good looks? Crap. I dunno.
Either way, keep your head up girl!!! It's a pretty one! ;o)
Glad your better. Been there, done that, got the prescriptions as a souvenir. You know me, you know my story, you know who I am, and most of all, you know how to get in touch with me when you need to. Don't make me buy you more books!!! I'll do it!! *holding up credit card*
Aww, Nic is threatening me with gifts! She really knows how to scare a girl!
Thank you, all, for our comments. It was a temporary fall, I'm all better now and ready to go out tonight. Ready and WILLING!
Too late for cheering up?
Anyways, I like you.
Bel
HOooray!! She hasn't jumped off a building. That shit would suck right? Ow.
Glad you're going out tonight, live it up girl and have some fun on me. I'm going to stay home with my new vibe and read dirty books.
It's gonna be a great night for everybody.
Aww, Bel, I know you do. Thank you.
It's gonna be a great night for everybody.
Lindy, I'll drink to that!
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