Though my edges may be rough and never feel I'm quite enough

So there I am, on a bench at the river bank, sun is shining upon my face, there's breeze in my hair and against my skin, and I'm reading slash that I printed out and took with me. It goes something like this: Their mouths find each other in the dark, fitting together so tightly that their teeth click and their noses bump. Dean manages to maneuver himself without pulling his lips from Sam's, shifting around until he can lie flat over Sam's body. and so on and I catch myself thinking: "Their mouths is a noun phrase, their is the determiner, mouths is the head noun, find is the verb phrase..." Seriously. Slash reading - YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. Thank you, Syntax of Phrase in English Language, thank you very much. In Soviet Croatia, Syntax of Phrase learns you. And you cannot get away.

Friday mornings are reserved for PE. Anja and I were 15 minutes late. I swear, it wasn't on purpose. So we slack around, trying to avoid actual work out as best as we can, and as I leave there's the professor and with him is my high school PE professor. So I stop by the desk, we shake hands, he asks how I've been and how was Uni, and my current professor points at me and says to my ex professor "She never does anything." "Aww, don't be like that!", I say and laugh. "She just slacks around", he continues and I wave it off with my hand and say "Oh, but he knows! I was exactly the same in high school." And I was. I mean, one is not a PE enthusiast for years and then suddenly decides it's no longer one's thing, right? I've always hated it, I'm not gonna start jumping with joy over it now.

The Curator, God bless him, really tries. He brought us monographies and DVDs with exhibitions today, for each and every one of us, and then he had this one copy of a DVD with some experimental films and what not (OH! I just realised I'll finally discover what they're really like!) and he asked if someone would take it and make copies for the rest of us. And he stood there with the DVD in his hand just waiting. So I volunteered. Stupid soft heart of mine. But I just felt so bad, the others were talking among themselves and not paying attention and you could see he was really trying to show us what it's about. And he only kept us for fifteen minutes instead of an hour and a half. Oh man, I'm warming up to him. I did not see that coming.

I was unconscious, half asleep

Notes from the Curator's class, Oct 28, 2008

~ the Curator is talking about a book, we don't know what book it is
~ but, there you go, it was first published in 1961
~ a-ha! it's originally English
~ the Serbian translation sucks for some reason
~ old world, new era, renaissance, modern art - like, apples and oranges and some relish
~ we're "taking a walk" through the table of contents - this is where the idea of 5 or 6 introductory classes stems from - there are 4 prologues to this book
~ no matter what he starts talking about, it's always "we'll get back to that"
~ Greek art introduces the term "style" - I'd say this is the first concrete piece of information we've got from him
~ I'm thinking about food
~ he keeps looking at me, I feel the compulsion to nod
~ ah, friends, Romans, countrymen
~ somebody shoot me!
~ we have to remember the word "Romanesque art" - am I the only one noticing it's actually two words?
~ culture consists of seven free arts - he didn't say which those are
~ Anja and Tajana are reading my "notes" - fake coughing doesn't disguise the laughter all that successfully
~ why is he going through the table of contents?
~ and for God's sake, what book is it?!
~ 40 minutes later we're at art nouveau
~ I poked myself in the eye with my finger - OUCH!
~ there's definitely not enough alcohol in my bloodstream for his "simplifying"
~ Baudelaire? Huh?!
~ world image, word image, world image - if you repeat it thirteen times, I still won't know what you're talking about
~ a-ha, we have to study the table of contents and make notes
~ and now something about the author of this, to us still unknown, book
~ time stands still
~ I see a cricket under the desk two rows ahead - I'm gonna call him Jiminy
~ oh my God, he's got another book
~ now something about secession in Osijek
~ definitely not enough alcohol

And then here are Anja and me in the class:

You think your days are uneventful and no one ever thinks about you

A friend suddenly pops up on gmail with:

Dejan: Černo says you're hot
Me: ???????????????
Dejan: he says you're hot
don't be so shocked
Me: how can I not be shocked, for God's sake?!
Dejan: it's not like he's lying
what's with the status message?

Smooth subject change, don't you think? Oh and I might be blushing. Boys...

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

So I can transport wood around.

With nothing to say besides some comment on the weather

Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" made me walk around the city grinning stupidly without even realising it. Such a ridiculously uplifting song.

I was so happy lectures got cancelled today. Mostly because I got to see the new episode of Supernatural earlier. I love SPN but what sucks about it the most is that, even though we met through it, I feel you judge me for still liking it. I'm embarrassed even for liking it and I don't think I should be.

I don't care for politics. Well, for American elections anyway. But living in the country where Ivo Pukanić was murdered in a car-bomb explosion so shortly after Ivana Hodak was shot is starting to scare the shit out of me. Who is next?

I got stuck in the traffic jam this morning on the way to that 7hrs long lecture and I freaked out beacuse I didn't want to be late and have her make me write the punishment paper. I managed to get there on time. Then she cancelled the second part of her lecture and assigned us all with papers. You know what, professor? Fuck you.

I didn't go to the German experimental film thing. A girl from the class did but she couldn't find where the showing took place. I'm glad I saved myself wandering through the woods in the dark.

All combined, I still like exactly two people from the R+ forum. Why I still visit, I'll never know.

This is how I communicate. This is how I tell you about what goes on in my head, what goes on in my heart, what goes on in my life. If you don't comment or react in any way, I believe you don't care for me at all. You make me sad. You make me wanna withdraw even more than I already do. You make me even more antisocial.

I reread an epic poem for my lit class (Smrt Smail-age Čengića). I read it in high school like everyone else and thought it was yawn-so-boring. Yesterday, Harač brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad I got to read it again.

Cuz I am hanging on every word you say

WRITTEN TODAY IN CLASS

I'd say I'm stuck at the most boring lecture ever but that would be a lie. It saddens me deeply, knowing that I'll never get to say that about a lecture again. From now on, whenever I think I'm bored in a class, I'll have to ask myself: Sure, it's boring, but is it more boring than the Curator's lecture? And the answer will always, forever and ever, have to be NO.
I know it's hard to believe that one class can be so horrible. Well, brace yourself because it gets worse. Tonight us girls from the Curator's class are going to see some German experimental films. I know. I'm barely containing the glee myself. *stares blankly* God, I hope there'll be subtitles. Um... Are there lines in German experimental films? What do they experiment with? Will there be gore? I hope there'll be no gore. Or rape. I don't want to watch Germans experimenting with rape without subtitles. Imagine the notes (yes, we have to take notes). So, imagine the notes: Two German guys are raping a German girl. A lot. They're saying nothing. German techno music is playing in the background. Clearly, I know nothing about German experimental film but that's how I picture it. Most likely, in black and white. It would freak me out, though, if my vision turned out to be true.

In other news, I'm fangirling over one of my new professors. I want to make him a fan site that would contain audio recordings of his lectures. Not because his lectures are particularly interesting. It's a class about English dictionaries that are, granted, useful, but not all that much exciting. No, it's actually about the way that man speaks English. I've never heard English spoken so beautifully at my Uni till this class. It's British (of course it is) and I'm no expert, far from it, but if that's not RP at its best, I don't know what is. His English is perfect. Except for his ORs. His OR sounds Irish. And my God, it just makes it all the more wonderful! *fangirl sigh*
I texted (LOL, non-verb) Maja immediately after the lecture saying I loved it so much and she said: I know, right? It's beautiful. She knew I'd be mad about it. I told my parents about it over lunch. I stopped eating and talked about the way this man speaks and how I could listen to him for hours and I may have or may have not stared into nowhere for a while. But I don't think they got it. Mostly because my Dad said: But you speak English so well. Um, no, not really. I sound like I escaped from Russia. But some day, some day I'll sound like him.
I hope.

I've never seen and there's never been anything with the beauty of you

You know I don't normally post his pictures here. Just... I'm mesmerized. So this doesn't really qualify as a post of substance and proper grammar and style, I know, but bear with me. Speechless is the word I'm looking for.

You gave me a sign that didn't feel right

So I'm quitting you. Funny thing. Apparently, I do know how to quit you. Saying you love me but turning against me on every step. Yeah, that's not love, darling. Turns out, some people I just can't stand. Turns out, the feeling's mutual. And that's all right. I'm just done. That's the beauty of virtual friendships. They're one click away from a clean cut.
Thanks for pointing me to some awesome people. There's no taking that away.
Okay then. Delete link. Done.

I played the fool today

What is worse than having PE on a Friday morning? Not many things but here's one: not having PE on a Friday morning but thinking you're having it, thus getting up at 7, going to the city, taking a 25 minutes long walk from the train station to the fitness centre really fast so you're not late for the class, realising you came for fucking nothing, and then taking the same 25 minutes long walk in the opposite direction, again really fast so you don't miss the train back, because another one is in 2 hours. Did I mention it was raining the entire time?

Does that even make sense? No? Well, welcome to my Friday morning.

Fast forward to Friday afternoon. It's 3.30, I'm reading some crap on Croatian literary romanticism, practically falling asleep when suddenly, it hits me. SHIT SHIT SHIT! I was supposed to be in class in 15 minutes. Notice the problem. I'm on my bed reading. The class takes place in 15 minutes. In the city.

Friday most definitely was not my day.

The class I missed was held by the Currator (that's what I'm gonna call him) and it can be summed up by this:
Me: What did I miss?
Anja: For an hour and a half he talked about how to write a paper.
Me: And how do we write it?
Anja: We don't know.

This is going to be one hell of a year.

Barely surviving has become my purpose

So here's my voicepost. Sorry you have to D/L it but box.net is being an ass and it's not letting me sign in.

And I can't ask for things to be still again

But seriously, how am I ever to survive through this?

What is that, you might ask. It's the schedule for one class I'm taking. Attendance mandatory. The professor just refuses to have normally scheduled classes every week. Instead, we'll have HOURS of lectures once a month. And she doesn't give a shit about OTHER classes we have during that time. Attendance MANDATORY. And for EVERY hour of her class we miss, we have to submit a paper in one week time. She's apparently and incredible bitch.
So I guess I'll be skipping some other classes then.

A choke and a gag, she spit up n came back for more...

I returned home today cradling 3 huge books in my arms. They're heavy and all talk about history of Croatian literature. And tomorrow morning, yes, on a Saturday, I'm going to the library. See, I'm thinking of trying out this new concept this year. It's the not-flunking-the-year concept. Some of you might have heard about it. I have a vague idea what it is but haven't actually managed to pull it off yet. So I'm giving it a shot, you know, trying it out, seeing how it'll fit me.

One of these days I'm gonna make a voice post. Stream of consciousness kind of thing. I won't be having much chance to actually speak English this year since I'm mostly taking Croatian classes and I really don't want to get too rusty. Also, I'll be signed in to skype when I can so please, do sign in and we'll chat. For purely academic purposes, of course. You don't want me to fail in English next year, do you? DO YOU?

I've also decided I'm gonna be using random lyrics as titles for my posts. In case you were wondering what the hell is that. I've also decided I'll try to make posts of some substance and use proper (well, more or less) vocabulary and grammar because a dear friend of mine told me my style was somewhat deteriorating.

Speaking of music, I'm discovering some things about myself. Not so long ago I was listening to Kelly Clarkson, Alicia Keys, Shakira, Pink... stuff like that. Lately, I tend to like a song here and a song there by artists I don't really know, then I download the albums, and they end up being metal and rock bands, and even though I can't say I like it all, I find myself keeping at least some songs and liking them. Am I evolving into a person that doesn't have to be ashamed of their music taste?

I'm still not interested in politics enough to be discussing the debates of the America's presidential candidates, but I'm politically aware enough to know that voting is important. So go vote, my friends. I always do. And that would be my PSA for the day.

Sometimes You Need A Few Drinks

I have stuff to write about, really, I do. The fact that I'm officially a student of the 2nd year after I'd enrolled to the 1st year for FOUR times (twice in law school, twice here), and how they're trying to kill us with boredom, how there are more of my 1st year peers left behind with me than I expected, how I helped in creating a radio show, how I found some music I really really like (right now, "Breathe" by Greenwheel, for instance, and then ohsobeautifulandperfect "Candleburn" by Dishwalla), how I went out and was an accomplice in a criminal act (sorta), how my virtual friends love me (Maichan) more than my RL friends, even though the latter ones can be sweethearts too (Puki), how I went shopping again and bought a ton of stuff, how my cat's missing and this time, this time I don't think he's coming back, how I gained all the weight I lost back, how someone form my blogroll wrote a freakin' BOOK (Darth)...
It's just that... I don't feel like it.

Instead, have a song that is oh so very true.

You don't understand my jokes
You're burning my eyes with your smoke
If I wasn't alone, I'd ask you to move away
So I order up another round
Sipping my last one down
You're the best deal in town
And I've only got dreams to dream of
Sometimes you need a few drinks to fall in love
If you need a few drinks
you could start with a couple of shots
Give a couple of winks
And later blame it all on the buzz
And this year burned a hole in my hope
I got debts that could choke out a rope
And it's not my approach it's the way I go summing things up
And there's really nothing great about this bar
So here I am and right there you are
We're both shooting way under par
But soon we'll forget what par was
Yeah, sometimes you need a few drinks to fall in love
If you need a few drinks
You might as well start with a couple of shots
Give a couple of winks
And later blame it all on the buzz
Sometimes, you need a few drinks to fall in love

Leprechaun Teacher

Topless.
Who wants to see?

I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!!

Croatian post fucking stole my Impala! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK???!

THE ENVELOPE WAS OPEN WHEN I GOT IT OUT OF THE MAILBOX AND MY IMPALA WASN'T IN IT!!!!

One of these should've been mine.
I am so mad, I cannot begin to tell you. For fuck's sake, I was only JOKING about them taking it and look, I jinxed myself, I guess.
WHO IN THE FUCKING CROATIAN POST NEEDS AN IMPALA PENDANT??!

I HATE YOU, WORLD. YOU SUCK SO MUCH ASS.

And it's not even about having the pendant. It's about Dana putting effort into making it and sending it, and I wanted a reminder of Capslympics and GODDAMMIT, STEALING SOMEONE'S MAIL IS FUCKING ILLEGAL!

Of Beer And Knitting

"If I ask you to come with us to the Days of Beer on Saturday, what are the odds of you actually saying yes?", Maja asks.
"Really good", I say.
"REALLY?", she gasps.
Yeah, why the hell not. Besides, I already told Martina I'd come and God knows I could use some... uh... beer.
"Unless there's some god awful band playing that night", I add hastily. It makes her think, wary of her next move. She knows the wrong name will make me go HELL NO in a heartbeat.
"Uh... Belfast Food", she says finally.
"Oh OK then", I say. "Who doesn't like Irish folk music, right?"
"Yay! Wait...", she pauses. "Are you being ironic now? It's hard to tell on MSN."
But for once I wasn't. I can totally go to Belfast Food. Unlike, say, Let 3 or... I don't even know. I hate Croatian rock scene. There's not enough beer in the world that would make it bearable for me to endure 2 hours of any band I dislike. This way though, people I actually like, band I can tolerate, and gallons of beer pretty much guarantee good time. Last hooray before the classes start.

And in all honesty, I'm actually looking forward to the classes. Except for PE. I do not want PE. I didn't want it in primary school, I didn't want it in high school, and I sure as hell don't want it at Uni. I shudder at the very thought of hopping around at the gym with 19-year-olds. At this age I should be given a nice, comfy rocking chair somewhere in the corner, and possibly some needles and wool to make scarves and beanies for the class. Yes.