Safe sex talk

Mom: I think this year, when you go to Krk, you should bring some protection with you.
Me: I'm bringing myself with me. Trust me, that's all the protection I need.

I got no plans and too much time

My Mum thinks my 41yo computer course teacher is hitting on me. Yeah. Just because he came over yesterday to hang out a bit with me. Which, okay, might be a bit weird to her, but that doesn't mean he's trying to get into my pants.

Him telling me I'm ~fascinating~, complimenting my make-up, and my perfume - that might mean he's trying to get into my pants, but my Mum doesn't know about that. :P

At least he's handsome.

In other news, the Boy took me to lunch the other day. I've had an amazing salad with lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, carrots, grilled white turkey meat, grilled mushrooms, cottage cheese, and yogurt dressing. Fun fact: it's called ~the Fitness Salad~. LOL Anyway, I told a friend about the lunch and she said: You're dating. Totally, I said, except for the dating part.

The weather is finally spring-like. Of course, it means I'm trying to watch my diet again, and sort of exercise. I might get into the aerobics class here in the village, but that is gonna have to wait till my computer class ends on Friday. In the mean time, I'm doing some sit-ups, and run around with my dumb dog that just can't seem to grasp the concept of fetch, and yesterday I chased a 4yo boy around my house for about half an hour. I ended up drenched in sweat because come on, I was running! So I took him in my arms and said to him: Okay, kid, auntie K has to sit down now because she's old and is gonna collapse otherwise. And the kid, bless his heart, exclaims: You're not old! You're not, you're not! So, y'know. I LIKE THIS KID.

If tomorrow never comes

I am without a doubt the most morbid person in my family. But sometimes, someone else gets aboard with it.

Sis: If I died, what would you dress me into?
Me: Something white-ish, you're still rather young.
Sis: Moooooooo-oom! Kristina doesn't love meeee!
Me (internally): LOL WUT?
Mom: Huh?
Sis: I asked her what she'd dress me into if I died and she immediately answered!
Me: Wait... what??
Sis: If I'd asked you, you would've gone crazy on me and started shouting "Don't talk like that!", and she just... answered.
Me: Oh. My. God. *inner headbang* You asked, okay? And it's not like I think about it all the time, I just said the first thing that came to mind.
Sis: Sometimes I think about me dying. The other day I was going to work and I was thinking about it, and I got really sad, I almost started crying. I think it would be really sad if I died, you know?
Me: It's a good thing you love yourself so much so it doesn't even matter if I love you or not. Jeez.
Mom: *looking at us incredulously*
Me: But come on, I'd be sad, too, probably.
Mom: Yeah, you love each other a lot, she'd probably kill herself.
Sis (looks at me): Nah, we don't love each other.
Me (looking at her): Yeah, we tolerate each other at best.
(everyone laughs)
Sis: I think it'd be easier for us if Dad died first.
Mom: *blink blink*
Me: Oh yeah, totally.
Mom: What do you mean?
Me: The three of us, we'd support each other, we'd stick together. If you died, Valentina would probably get married as soon as possible and move away, have her own life...
Mom (nodding):... Dad would drink all the time, and you'd...
In unison: ... kill self.
Me: Haha, yeah.
Sis: And what if she killed herself?
Me (bending over, laughing till tears start running): Oh God, this is priceless! In every scenario I end up killing myself! No one ever considers the possibility of me just... dying.
Sis (laughs): Haha, yeah.

Heh. A person tries to kill self once or twice and can never live it down.

What's the point of trying to meet you in the middle? You got your point of view, there's nothing I can do

Most of the times my Mom's really cool. Like, not at all stuck up and old-fashioned. She's rather liberal and not narrow-minded. But. There's one conversation we keep having over and over and over again. She just can't accept the fact that we'll never ever see eye to eye on the matter. So, welcome to the awkward world of discussing casual sex with my Mom. I'm just kidding, it's not awkward at all. After having it for so many times, it's actually one of the most comfortable conversations we carry every now and then. The thing is, she just can't accept it's as common as it is. I don't even know what triggered it today but here's how it pretty much went:

M: Tell me if it's normal.
K: Yes.
M: How can it be normal?
K: It just is.
M: It can't be normal.
K: Goddammit, it's normal!
M: But for whom?!
K: Oh for crying out loud, one of my friends is casually sleeping with her colleague. they're not dating, they're just having sex. The other keeps having these flings with guys that tend to be a little bit younger every time. (I used names, but I won't here.)
M: Wait, what? OUR *name*?
K: YES. Does that make her a tramp or trash?
M: No, of course not.
K: Well there you go.
M: But her?! How did that happen?
K: Oh my God. I dunno. She's a grown up, if she wants to have sex with boys, she can. Not everyone wants to have a boyfriend.
M: But why not?
K: Because it's exhausting! It's emotionally exhausting, and it's time consuming, and you have to compromise, and a lot of people today aren't ready to do that.
M: So they just get together and have sex.
K: YES.
M: And that's normal?
K: Jesus. Look. People have casual sex, people get pregnant at 16 and get married. People date for 5 years and THEN get married. I am celibate! I haven't been TOUCHED by anyone for over two years. EVERYTHING is normal. You cannot just cram my entire generation into one single box, OK? Can we just agree that you'll never understand it because this is just not your time?
M: I guess.
K: Fine.

Generation gap. Fun for the entire family.

Oh Mother.

Mom and Mom's work colleague are talking.

MWC: You know, Valentina is stunning. Does your eldest look anything like her?
Mom: No.

Of Marriage And Pussies

Lunch time. Just me and my mother. And a movie is beginning on TV. Something Winona Ryder something. OK, It's "How to Make an American Quilt" and I didn't need to know that. Anyway. Yadda yadda yadda and then Winona goes "26 is not an unreasonable age to get married." or something along those lines. I snort into my plate and say "Nonsense." And my mother goes: "Seriously though. You don't plan to marry? Like, ever?" (She didn't actually say "Like, ever?" ~

~~
My PC just spontaneously restarted itself. Great, PC, congrats on having a personality and' all, you win the personality contest in front of at least a dozen of people I know, but fuck off, OK? I'm writing a post here, jerk! *ahem*
~~

~ but it was implied and I heard it, dammit!) "Uh, no I don't plan to. I don't not plan to either. I don't really think about it." "But what do you think then?" "I don't know. I'm not saying I'll never marry, I'm just saying it's not likely. I really can't see it happening any time soon. Or, y'know, ever." And she says nothing more.
I mean, really. What is she thinking? I'm not going anywhere. I'm not meeting anyone, let alone dating. Even when I do meet a guy, I make sure he knows pretty damn soon I'm celibate and not interested in dating/casual sex/happily ever after. Any of that shit. It's just how I am. I wish she'd finally accept that.

T fucking MI part of the post - consider yourself warned:
I have this vaginal infection that comes and goes once in a year or two. Bacterial or whatever. It came back like two weeks ago or so and my mother noticed. She only noticed cuz of the discharge that is now of some colour, light brown or something (she does the laundry, she doesn't go around looking for my underwear just like that, OK?) so she asked me about it. I said I'd noticed but I've been a little (a lot!) too busy right now with the exams and shit to actually go to see the doctor and get the antibiotics. And then she says: "Your pussy's falling apart and you don't even care!" "So?", I deadpanned. "Not like I use it or anything."
She wasn't amused.