Cranky

I'm cranky because I haven't had my coffee yet and it's almost 3pm. (BTW, I have no idea what is wrong with the time on this site, it makes no sense to me, am when it shoud be pm and vice versa, even the minutes don't match mine...)
My sister expects me to do her hair AGAIN, and it's just annoying. It's curly, for God's sake! Let it be!
This is going to be a looooooong Saturday. A friend asked me to go to the movies. Unfortunately, she wants to see a movie that is not playing anymore.
WFW is taking a well deserved rest from all of us. I'm gonna miss her. I'm gonna miss the Wentworth-frenzy too. Hell, I already miss it! I was high for days and now it's all over. If anyone can recommend a 12-step-program, preferably the one you can go through in just 3 steps, please, don't hesitate to let me know about it! Otherwise, a lot of crankiness is to ensue...

Funny

This is so funny... Some people actually told me they think I am funny...

Plan

Well, it's my blog. I should be able to talk about me once in a while!

I'm still bored. But I'm waiting for my sister to end a conversation and the we're off to Soliter's. It should put an end to my boredom. Yes, drinking will be included. Yes, boys also. One of them being my sister's ex. One of them the guy that wore an argyle sweater on Christmas.

Oh, have I mentioned Soliter has a sauna? And yes, that's the part of the plan for tonight too...

Ok, bye now!

Bored Blabber

Oh. My. God. I. Am. So. Ooooo. Bored.

I think I'm gonna watch "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets". Again For the 7th time, I think. Or is it 8th?

I am actually looking forward to the moment when my sister will come home from work. This can't be good...

Merry Christmas

Sretan Božić!

Feliz Navidad!

Merry Christmas!

Frohe Weihnachten!

Have yourself a merry little Wentmas too!

Love, Kris

Bored Blabber

I have nothing to say, really. My sis is pissing me off right now, slowly but surely. She's tiding up the room and expects me to do the same. I don't think so. She just won't back off. I love her... but I hate her right now.

Vacuuming, dusting, doing her hair, doing her nails... I'm basically her personal assistant. And she's the little sister!

She gives me money, though, since she works and I'm a student (again!). So I suffer silently.

On The Break

Finally! I am officially on the break! I should be going to P.E. tomorrow morning but no way in hell is that gonna happen!

It's time to put books and classes and worrying aside and do some partying (not too much, though, that's just not me) and do some doing nothing at all and do some re-watching of PB and do some doing nothing at all...

However, the holidays didn't start too well. We were supposed to go see Step Up tonight but then found out it only shows at 9pm and since Anja and I have no stupid buses to take us home after 10.30 we got screwed.

And I don't like getting screwed unless there's a chance of Wentworth doing it.

I'm re-reading Hi-Fi again. God, I looove that book. I feel as if Hornby is telling my life. Though I'm obviously not a 35 years old guy who owns a record store. Nor would John Cusack ever play me in a movie (...as I dream about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead...).

I'm gonna go grab a bite. Who am I kidding... I'm gonna go stuff myself!

Hi-Fi

My dear friend Sonja got me Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity"!

I've been wanting this book for the longest time...

(And then we had a couple of drinks and I feel just fine now! Rum&Coke is gewwwwd...)

Pre-Birthday Blues

It's my birthday tomorrow and I don't even care. Again I am aware of how I've accomplished nothing in my life. I'm back in school. At the age of fucking 25! I have no boyfriend/husband/lover nor do I have the need/desire to have one. I have no life. Seriously. No life whatsoever. I have a crush on a TV star, someone I don't know or ever will. I am pathetic. And I do absolutely nothing to change it. Happy birthday to me.

Laurence F. Olivier

Laurence Fucking Olivier! Yes, that's what "F" stands for! He almost killed me today. In our Introduction to Literature class we had to watch "Hamlet" today. So I was thinking, ok, Kenneth Brannagh in tights... not the best thing to look at but Kate Winslet is a gorgeous Ophelia, all curvy and luscious (yep, I have a thing for Kate Winslet)... or even Mel Gibson in tights, I could live with that but noooo... Our professor had to choose the oldest and longest and most boring "Hamlet"-movie E V E R ... I swear, the parts of my body I never knew existed ached! People were actually sleeping! I was sincerely afraid Maja would fall out of her chair at one point! I'm still in pain...

Wet Foot

If someone does read this... I got really pissed off today. I went («-- hi hi hi) to classes this morning and on my way I found out that my right shoe can't stand it's rain very well!!! I've spent most of my day with my foot soaking fucking wet!!!!! I don't like being wet if Wentworth didn't cause it!!!!

But I'm fine now. Zen again. Off to stare and drool.

Lucid Dreaming

Good morning, everyone! I know, it's morning only to me. It's 10.24am in my world... And since you are now in KRISSIE'S WORLD, it's 10.24am for you too! OK! So, good morning, everyone!

I've slept for about 8h. Those who know me understand how rare and unusual this is for me (only here it wasn't a punishment but a very nice thing). No dreams, though. I saw a TV-show once about lucid dreaming. They were talking about the skill to get into the state of dreaming on purpose. Like, this second you're awake and the next you're dreaming. And the best part is that you know you are in fact dreaming and you are in control of everything that happens. You decide what happens next. They said it's something you can learn by practice. I really should try to find a course when they teach you how to do it. Just imagine, I'd be able to bring anyone I want into my dream (as if you don't know the first... well, the only person I'd bring would be Wentworth) and I'd get to decide what we'd be doing (... ........ .......). Seriously, MUST LEARN HOW TO DO THAT!!!!!

I watered the wheat few minutes ago. Did this make you stop thinking about making Wentworth your slave (in a very nice, fun and hot way, not in a way of making him pick cotton in the field!) ?? No?! Yeah, me neither... So excuse me, I'm going back to bed, who knows, this lucid dreaming, I might find out I already know how to do it.

Bored Blabber

This is really sad, writing for the sake of writing itself when I have absolutely nothing to say, but that's just me.

My mother bought a new toilet seat today. It's really tacky, with ocean-creatures, shells and stuff... Haven't had the heart to tell her, she seemed so proud.

current music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xgQ3w1aVzA

My sister is gonna watch One Tree Hill now. Mmmmm, Chad Michael Murray... Have I said that already??

Oh fuck!!! I have forgotten to water the wheat!!! It's not gonna grow this way.

Tomorrow morning I've got fucking P.E. Hate that class, the stupidest one ever! (Is stupidest even a word???)

Before I forget, Majo, ako ovo čitaš, sretan Ti rođendan malko unaprijed, tek toliko da budem prva!

What else? Well, can't think of anything. God, I wish something would actually happen to me finally! I'm pathetic... (and reconsidering that "good" I put under Mood)

Not gonna torture you (and myself) no more. I'm off...

P.S. I have to tell you about me being stupid very early in the morning.

So I wake up before my alarm went on. And I try to see what the time is. And I take a look at my VCR (yes, I still own a VCR!) and I realize something's screwed up with it because it's showing SS2 and I'm like WTF??? So I turn my cell on and see that it's 5.52. Get it? 5.52! No? Now picture it in digital numbers!!!! S S 2 !!!! I'm an idiot...

Bored Blabber

My day was quite all right, I had some classes (two of them each of 45 minutes only) and now I got absolutely nothing to do.

Still, feeling strangely down. And somewhat stupid because I got all mixed up yesterday. Today is St. Lucy's day, it wasn't yesterday, I have no idea what was/is wrong with me.

So I still have wheat to plant (and obviously I still have the correct word to look up in the dictionary). My sis has already called me from work to remind me about it. Ok, ok, I'll do it...

Although all of the Christmas spirit's gone away. Prison Break's gone away. My youth's gone away. Can't believe my dog's still here.

Oh God, this is such a boring, boring afternoon... (I know what you think. It's such a boring, boring life! Well, is there someone holding a gun against your head making you read this??? DIDN'T THINK SO!)

Btw, kisses to those reading this... You know who you are and so do I! xxxx

Premature Christmasing 2

I'm gonna stop complaining about people obsessing over Christmas too soon. It got to me too! I bought some Christmas lights today (not coloured ones, I like to keep things simple and tasteful) and I guess I'm gonna hang them in front of my door, and some for my room too. I'm embarrassed now, suddenly feeling very christmasy... I only wish I had put those lights outside two days ago when it was 15°C, because now it's freaking cold, around 0°C, maybe a degree or two over!

I'm gonna plant (there's a better word for doing that, I should have remembered it from my class but I didn't and I don't feel like looking it up, so I'll just go with "plant") some Christmas wheat today too. It's a Croatian tradition on St. Lucy's day (Sv. Lucija). You plant (again...) it today and it should grow real nicely till Christmas and ensure the new year to be rich and prosperous. Or something...

So, I'm done with the most of my school work for now, got some minor things left. It's Christmas finally! Well, at least it's coming and I can now enjoy it!!!

Uni Blabber

Today we were supposed to get grades and results of one paper and two partial exams we took last week. But no. Nothing. Have to wait. Again.

What else? Erm, we saw "Supersize me" in our "English language practise" class. All it has done for me was to make me crave for cheeseburgers... Seriously, didn't buy all that "It's very bad for you!"-crap at all! And I totally wasn't the only one!! Ok, turns out thinking of burgers makes me feel better! Chocolate's good too. Gonna get me some...

Borat

I went to see "Borat" last night. I wish I didn't. This is one of the worst, if not THE WORST movie I've ever seen.I absolutely don't get what the whole fuss is about. It's not funny, it's only gross. And it's gross big time. Although, I must confess, I laughed one and a half times. What a waste of time and money. The only people laughing were a bunch of 14-year-olds. They are the only ones who could possibly find that piece of crap funny. When we got out, Soliter said: "We should have known this wasn't a movie for us." Well, we really should. I didn't expect much, but hell, I got even less than that!

Premature Christmasing

My mother is making me check the lights, comment on 4 (FOUR!) Christmas-table-cloths she has bought TODAY, discuss the colours of this year's tree decorations...

Hello?! It's Dec 9!!!!! I still have a tone of school-crap to do, it's not even cold outside, the sun is shinning and it's around 15°C. I'm in no Christmas-mood at all! She's never been like that before. Maybe I should get off line and talk to her for a few minutes...

Holidays Beginning

Unfortunately, I've become so addicted to this internet-thing that I can't leave knowing I don't have to get up early.

And I'm exhausted from the past week. Every single day in the city morning till night, almost no sleep at all, and two exams and a paper done. Thank god it's weekend!

So I'm here hoping to talk to someone interesting but it seems like no one else is here. Boooring...

I should go and get some sleep, really. Wouldn't want my mother to come in and make me go to bed (yeah, I know, I'm 25 and she still does that!). It's such a hassle living with parents sometimes. Still, a home-cooked meal, laundry done, bills paid... I think I'll survive!

So... Christmas coming up. Time to get depressed all over again. Single, unemployed (well, studying actually), and since I don't believe in Santa for a while now,I don't think much is gonna change. Blue blue Christmas. again.

Two weeks of laziness, though. No school. No getting up at 6.20am. Christmas and New year have some silver lining to them.

Reality Report

Well, I wrote this that is to follow earlier today in one of my classes! (yes, that's my idea of paying attention...)

"So, I'm in my 'British Culture and Civilization' class right now. The professor is going on and on and on about British education. Why on earth do we need to know that shit for? It's so unbelievably boring!!!

Tomorrow I have another partial exam in 'Old Slavic Language'. I've studied for about an hour. That can't turn out well. I'm gonna fail... (I simply MUST use a collocation I had to learn for the exam I did yesterday: I'm gonna FAIL MISERABLY!) BTW, I'm gonna fail that one too.

Oh, did I mention this was gonna be an awfully boring thing to read? Well, I apologize, I have no life. I go to my classes and obsess over Wentworth. Again, I apologize.

Ok, so now there's this one-guy-group doing a report on sports of the UK (we usually do this working in groups but I guess no one except him wanted to do it. 'That's ok', he said, 'I like doing things on my own.' Now, isn't that JUST SAD?!!). I really hope he's gonna say something about Arsenal (GO; ARSENAL!). He really should mention Thierry Henry... he's not exactly English but he sure is dreamy! Because of the way he plays football, of course, nothing else, I swear! (I'm sorry, Wentworth, I come with some luggage...)

Oh, good, I've managed to turn the subject to Wentworth. And that's a hard thing for me to do!!!! But no, no new dreams of him. I miss him... I know, I never actually HAD him but at least 'Prison Break' was on and now it's gone. The Dark Ages are back...

Besides, in this God-forsaken country that I happen to live in, no one seems to know, let alone care, about him existing. Even my own sister doesn't give a fuck about him! My mother thinks I should find someone prettier to put his picture on my desktop. It's a sick sick disturbed world I live in... No wonder I have the need to escape to the VR!

BTW, the guy did mention Arsenal and there were some footage of Henry. So... YAAY!"

Crappy Day

I've had a really crappy day. I left home at 7am and returned at 9pm. I had an partial exam that i did in like 20 minutes but I have NO FUCKING IDEA if I did it right. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

The First Post

Hi!

So, this is my first post here EVER!

What to say.... Ok, let's point out the obvious: I am totally obsessed with the most beautiful, talented, sexiest, sweetest, hottest man in the world - WENTWORTH MILLER!

Other than that, there isn't much to say about me. I'm 25 and a freshman at FFOS, studying English and Croatian. I know what you must be thinkin'... WTF? 25 and only freshman??? Yeah well, it took me some (SOME?) time to get in but now that I am in, I love it. So far so good!

I should be studying right now, but I guess I'm NOT... I'm gonna... I intend to... Really.

Anyway, enough for my very first one. I promise I'll try to post regularly (not that it's gonna be interesting!). And if you have some patience, hold on. I'm still just warming up!

And last but not least, I have to welcome everyone who might stumble upon this blog of mine, especially my girls from the best board in the world! You know who you are!

I tebe, Soliteru!!!!

Diary Of Krk XIV

What a day this has been! I've worked my shift in the morning but I went back almost immediately because Jelena is in Osijek till friday morning and I thought Štefica might need some help. So I went back but there wasn't much to do. However, Boris was pissed off the whole day for some reason. It had to do something with diving, I don't know what because I'm not involved in that part of business. He asked me once if I wanted to be but I refused and boy, am I glad I did! So he was freaking out, mostly taking it out on poor Štefi, simply 'cause she was there. He would have yelled at Jelena too but she was gone. That's why he's been trying to get to her by phone and she wouldn't answer. Then I called her a few times and finally she answered at 10pm and I told her to call him AT ONCE. She did and all he had to say was for her to be here Friday morning instead of afternoon. I mean, really!!!!Anyway, he's just too busy and there's been some mix up with some payments and so on so we all had to take the blame for all sorts of things.
Now it's 10.17pm and the cafe is being closed by Štefi whose boyfriend has just arrived. I don't like the atmosphere neither there nor in our apartment. I got really angry today when I found the tin left unwashed since two days ago. I cook and EVERYONE eats and then I must clean everything up. As if it's my duty. Yesterday morning there was no plate, cup, glass, fork, spoon or a knife clean. Seriously, it's driving me mad. So I haven't cooked yesterday nor today nor I'm gonna cook tomorrow. I don't give a fuck anymore. The detergent is almost out but no one is gonna notice since no one si doing any washing anyhow.
And I'm feeling so lonely tonight. More lonely than this whole time. I'm annoyed with pretty much everyone here and the only friend I could talk to isn't here. Mihael, the guy from Višnjevac, was here, he just stopped by to get J's number. He needs her to bring him his second cell phone, his first one is broken. I was happy to see him but he went away very quickly, he didn't have time to stick around. He said he'd come Friday or Saturday. Hope he would.
Nikolina has sent me an SMS. She's in Duga Uvala. She finally got to the sea, she's really happy about it and I am for her. I haven't heard from Vaki or Soliter. They're probably having too much of a good time to be thinking about poor little me, left all alone in the world.
I'm hoping my Slovenian would be here for the wekend. I know nothing could ever happen given he's been married and all but I like the way he looks at me and I like knowing what's going through his mind (it's on my mind too!!!!!) and REALLY like the feeling of forbidden fruit and the fact that even flirting is soooo dangerous. But he probably won't come. Good night now.

Diary Of Krk XIII

The whole thing with that boy turned out quite stupid. He's gone to Crikvenica now and to ZG on Saturday so that's it for the two of us. Although, it was over even before because he had invited me to his birthady party and then sort of UNINVITED me with some lame excuse that I don't even want to repeat. Anyway,that's that. Celibacy is still on.
However, the Slovenian guy from the beginning of the story was here on Saturday afternoon when I was working and kept hitting on me. Actually, he was more like seducing me, touching the center of my palm and my finger tips and you know that can drive me crazy. And he was looking at me the same way he was looking at me before. So I went along with the whole flirting game, some of it on purpose, some of it 'cause i just couldn't help it. Then he asked if we could meet and I kinda said we might but then I said I couldn't because of his wedding ring. Then he started to play with it, eventually he took it off and I was just smiling. I showed him the white mark where the ring was and he said that the ring only meant he wouldn't brag about us around and that everyone has to do something for their own pleasure every now and then. I told him he was right. I don't know what was I thinking. I do, actually. I find him very sexy, for who knows what reason, and mostly, I've had some rum&cokes and I haven't had anything to eat that whole day so even a drop of alcohol was enough to get me in that mood. And then my shift was over so I sort of ran away.
That was at 4pm. At about 5pm I was on my way to the beach and they were still there so I had to get in and have a couple of drinks more. He was leaning towards me, touching my knees. my waist (and just a bit lower) and saying how good I smelled. And I was letting him do that because I enjoyed it! And then his wife came in and made him leave. Of course,I would do the same if he was my husband. Anyway, if he comes back, we'll probably flirt some more but the fact that he's married is always on my mind.

Diary Of Krk XII

Yesterday was this boy's birthday so he's 26 now. Last I saw him on Monday. We made out some more at a beautiful spot by the sea. He's really adorable. Anyway, he's having a birthday party on Saturday and everyone keeps asking me if I'm going and I'm not even sure I'm invited. I mean, he said he's having a party and asked me if I'd come but I said I had to work and that was that. Also, if I'm going, I have to switch shifts and organize a ride to Malinska and, even more important, BACK!!!! But check this out: I HAVE NO IDEA IF HE EVEN WANTS ME THERE! I mean, it's not like we're an item or anything.. We're very casual so I may only hold him back at his birthday party and neither of us would want that. Anyway, I've been a bit annoying with text messages so I've promised myself I wouldn't send him another if he doesn't. I'm pretty sure he's not coming today, he sort of told me so last night in a message but I don't know about tomorrow and let alone Saturday! The saddest thing is I can't get him out of my mind! I'm totally fucked up already and when he leaves, I'll fall apart. I tried to keep mysalf from falling for him but he's just too irresistible. And now I wanna be with him all the time and if I can't, I wanna know where he is, who he's he with, what he's doing and everything else. I'm treating my cell phone like it's my best friend although it's been more of an enemy these past few days. Seriously, I'm fucked up! And I tried soooo hard not to let myself gp that way! It's just that I sooo love being around him. I light up when he walks into the room. and when he kisses me... He told me he liked me and the way I kissed. That's great but that's also everything I know about haow he feels and everyone else believes we're a couple. Oh, it's all so complicated, I'll freak out! If only he'd invite me to the party again, then I'd know more. Also, it would give me enough time to get everything set.
I must go now and get ready for work. I miss him like crazy. I probably am crazy.

Diary Of Krk XI

Last night I made out with the cutest boy. He's an instructor from ZG but is only here every now and then to help out. He's tall and skinny and dark haired with hazel eyes. And he's got the most adorable smile there is. We've exchanged some messages today and chances are we'll meet again tomorrow. I've been up till 6am and still haven't recover. It's actually Monday already, 1am, but I wanted to have the last cigarette and share this with you. Of course, Boris saw us and keeps making jokes on my account. But I'll take it like a woman.

Diary Of Krk X

I GOT IN!!!!! I make no sense, I know, but this is just too big! I'm about to start studying English and Croatian this autumn at FFOS. Can you believe it? I'm finally in! It's still sort of unreal to me, I can't quite fathom it. I'm beyond happy. I'm not quite aware that this means I'm going back to school but let's hope for the best.
What else is new? Erm, I'm still in touch with Hrvoje but only through SMS, we haven't seen each other since then and chances are we probably won't. it's sad, really, because it seems he really likes me. And I liked him but as the time passes I'm slowly losing it. I should see him again to check if he's as great as he seemed. I don't think it'll happen any time soon now because he's working every day the whole day long now and you know how immobile I am. We'll see.
The married with children guy is back, and I've been told he'd been asking where I was while I was home. My heart stopped for a split second when I heard that (although it would be better if I haven't heard it from HIS WIFE!!!) but then he didn't even look at me or speak to me the entire time they were here. I met himtoday in the street and he smiled and said hello but he was alone. I really must stop. Enough.
I'm sleepy. But I wish someone, anyone, would send me an SMS. I'm very lonely right now, I don't know why.

P.S. God damn! God damn! God damn! I finally got some fucking sleep and then this fucking moron came in and shouted: Are you asleep?!! NO, THAT'S JUST MY HAIR!!! YES, I'M ASLEEP, YOU IDIOT!! Though not anymore APPARENTLY! Now I can only go and fuck myself. I'm gonna go fucking crazy here, really. I'm like this close from hanging myself from the nearest tree. I made him his fucking pop-corn tonight out of the goodness of my heart and what do I get in return? The worst wake up call ever! And then I said: That's the thanx I get, this very gentle waking up? and the idiot then has the nerve to say: I could wake you up very gently! You fucking perve, I could be your fucking daughter! You HAVE A FUCKING DAUGHTER!!!! How would you feel if a forty year old pervert kept suggesting fucking crap like that to her, huh?! I'm someone's daughter too, you fuck! My mum almost didn't let me go back when I told her about his remarks on my account. Who does he think he fucking is??? And who am I? Just because I'm temporarily only a waitress doesn't mean I'm on disposal for filthy old perverts to enjoy themselves!!! IDIOT! He's the only reason I'm gonna really hate this place and I'm gonna hate it soon!!!!!!! I'm so angry, I don't know what to do! I could tear something up, I could break something. Writing angrily is not nearly enough to express my fury! If only I wasn't so tired and sleepy at the same time, if only there was a place I could go and scream from the top of my lungs! I could even hit someone really hard right now!! And when I say someone, I mean the biggest jerk around! Even the boss has issues with him! I hope he chases him away! It's really impossible to share a living space with anyone so inconsiderate especially when your opinion of that someone is getting lower on daily basis. Seriously, I had such a good opinion of him but now... Could I despise him more? I don't think so. Do I need all of this crap? Do I? What do I do? Who do I complain to? Is there anything that could possibly be done? I don't think so. I'm stuck here for the next two months and I can only pray for sanity, otherwise I may kill myself just about now!!!! If I only had something here that would really make me happy instead of two months ahead of me with no sleep or private life whatsoever! God, I need some chocolate and I've brushed my teeth already! Never mind, I'll brush them again!!!! And I'm not cooking for them ever again! I don't give a fuck! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! My dear, have I mentioned I HATE HIM!!!! And the other one, who is snoring as I write this down, too!!! It's virtually unbearable to survive here! How could I possibly function here when I can't get the absolute necessary GOOD NIGHT SLEEP???!!!!!! Someday I'm just gonna break and shoot someone, just wait and see!!
I love you, thanx for listening!

Diary Of Krk IX

You wouldn't believe this, I'm telling you. Ok, here goes: I met someone.I know, it's quite dumb, I've met dozens of people already, but I think this is a special kind of someone. I met him last night, he came with Robert's partner (have I mentioned Robi's a policeman?) Alen and I don't know if that's only my imagination but I really believe we sort of just clicked. Soon we were talking as if we knew each other for years. His name is Hrvoje, he was born on September 16, 1981 so he's just a few months older than me and he's a sailor. Yeah, I know, to meet another one while working as a waitress... one would say it might be a pattern but I'd rather consider it a coincidence. Anyway, Alen, Jelena, Hrvoje and me wanted to go to have some pizza last night after I was done but then came this bunch of people who kept me here until 3am so that didn't work. But then he came back this morning, again with Alen who went diving, and left him here. So he was here basically the whole day and so we chatted some more and I really like him. He looks a bit like Mirza Džomba (no joke) but is prettier. And you know me, at first I don't give a fuck about physical appearance, I'm only interested in personality, and then I change my mind and wish they were someone else.
Anyway, I'm way off now, nothing happened, chances are nothing ever will. I don't quite see how anything could happen. There's just no opportunity. And the complications...
Like the rumours, believe it or not, people are already starting to talk. It's sad, really, how obvious I am when I like someone, I can't hide it. I smile like an idiot, I only have eyes for the one person and I can't concentrate on anything. I broke a bottle today.
And the saddest part is that it's all in vain. We all very well know how things come uot when I get my hopes up. I should know better for once and get out while I can. I only hope Sonja wouldn't blab everything out to Vaki 'cause then mum will come by foot and take me home just to stop me from, Heaven forbid, possible having sex. But have no fear, no such thing will happen.
Anyway, I'm very sleepy, I've slept for maybe 2,5 hours and I should get some sleep but that probably won't happen with our living arrangement. You know...

Diary Of Krk VIII

It's 12.30pm and I've got a headache. I must take a pill. Hold on.
Ok, I'm back. I didn't sleep much last night. J and I went to this gas-station in the middle of nowhere where you can get pizza at 2am. We went there two nights ago and we met this waiter, Mihael, who turned out to be from Višnjevac and his brother got married and moved to darda. Seriously, the small world.
Anyway, I would have gotten some sleep this morning if there weren't for these two dicks that I'm forced to live with who have no consideration for anyone else but themselves. They literally shout and squeek and slam the doors even though I'm SLEEPING RIGHT HERE! They don't give a fuck. And they snore the whole night through so every now and then that wakes me up and then B says I'mnervous and need to relax. How could I possibly relax when there are so many things that drive me crazy?!! Like the fact that they never do the dishes. Oh, they mess them up real good but then just leave them around, here and there and everywhere: glasses, plates, cups, knives, bags, crumbs, food...It's unbeliveable!!!! And then I NEEEED to clean it up because I can't live like that. But you know what: If I wanted to clean all kinds of crap after a man I don't love I would have married someone already.
And listen to this: yesterday afternoon I was making these little deep fried cookies and then B said he didn't like them all that much so if I could make him some pop-corn that would be great. I said I would if he'd wash up after and then he looked at me as if I was mad. Naturally, I did make him his fucking pop-corn and I did clean up but after seeing this morning all of the new mess they've made, I'm not sure I'm gonna be doing anything else for him again soon. Oh, and I didn't clean it. I know, J will do it when she comes back but that's her choice.
Vaki's 22 today and she's having a tea-party this afternoon.
Oh boy, I feel a lot better now I've told you just about everything that was on my mind. Unfortunately, I told it to J also and now I'm worrried it might come to someone it shouldn't. I hope it won't.
Let me make some lunch now.

Diary Of Krk VII

It's almost impossible to say if it's Sunday or Tuesday in this place. I have to ask people what day it is. Today is very windy,the wind broke two ashtrays at the cafe. I meant to sunbath today but it's just not warm enough. I know, excuses, excuses...
I went for a coffee and once again there was Mirza Džomba. He's really cute. He's not pretty, he's not even handsome but I like him. Like I said, the variety of men here is really limited.
We've got another room-mate, an instructor from Slovenia, Dule. Branimir once told me he was a complicated man. I couldn't say, not yet anyway. He's been here for two days. The hot instructor, Marijan, hasn't ben returning yet. I kinda miss the view of him.
I'm bored. I got really tired today, there was a lot of walking. I also made some pancakes this afternoon. And now I'm sleepy.
I'm going home this Saturday. I wanna go and I DON'T wanna go. I wanna bo because of the obvious but I don't wanna go because I think it's gonna be real hard to come back again after I'm back in my own bed and with mum, dad, Vaki, Sonja, Ferdo, debeli... you know, the whole bunch. But it may not be that hard 'cause I'll know what I'm coming back to, for now I know how things work around here. Anyway, I need to close my eyes now for a while, I find it hard to keep them open. I'll talk to you soon.

Diary Of Krk VI

I'm sitting outside, sipping my coffee and listening to Branimir practicing his saxophone. I'm not mad about its sound but I don't mind. There's some wind so it's quite enjoyable, it's not impossibly hot as it was these last few days. I should be studying but I just don't feel like it. This is not that kind of a day. I should do something about my nails, both hands and feet. I could cut someone's throat with them.
No one got my postcards yet and I've sent them two days ago. Oh, the island business...
There's no one here these days but tomorrow people are coming. I hope it won't be too busy because Štefica is not here, she went to Germany to see her boyfriend and she practically runs the whole place herself so she's irreplaceable.
I've got nothing else to say.

Diary Of Krk V

It's 7pm and there goes another day in Šilo. The greatest excitement of the last two days would be Mirza Džomba (the famous handball player) at the cafe. Apparently he has a house here so he comes for a beer or something with his friends. The first time I saw him my hands were shaking like crazy but I'm used to him now. He seems nice, really, and calls me šefice (boss). It's really funny. I'm terrified with the thought of spilling something on him.
Otherwise, it's been quite quiet here, not much to do, basically no one to dive. And that of course means that the hot instructor isn't here either. I know, I know, he's married but at least he's something nice to look at. No second thoughts. Well, I have a lots of ideas of what I would do with him but I'm not gonna be that girl, you know what I mean.
Tomorrow is Davor's birthday. I mustn't forget to send him an SMS. I don't know if he's in Vrsar or Darda but it doesn't matter really.
Suddenly I'm having a death wish. Well, not exactly a death wish but I would like to be in love. I don't want a boyfriend but would like to be hopelessly in love with someone out of reach. Actually, a crush would do too. Unfortunately, my options here are beyond limited. The one I noticed is married (why, God, why?!!) and the others are old or ugly and/or married too. It's sad really. I'm worse than Bridget. Oh no, am I turning into Muriel again?!!

P.S. I'm continuing right away. It's not that I have anything to say really, but you know how much I love writing, even if it's only rubbish. I'm listening to U2's With Or Without You and I wish I had someone to share it with. Er, it seems the sea and the summer are starting to get to me. Oh boy, you know how stupid I can get when I get like this.
I've sent postcards to Sonja, Mare, Nika, Buba and Momo. Not to mum and dad 'cause I'm sending a parcel to Vaki tomorrow and I've put a letter in it.
I'm sleepy but I don't know, suddenly sleeping seems like a waste of time, like there'll be plenty of time to sleep, like I should live now. But the thing is, I'm also enjoying my time alone.
Have I told you about the two brothers, Rene and Patrick? No? I don't know. Anyhow, they're from Austria, they come here for the summer for years and I got to know them 'cause they come to Neptun at least once a day. Rene is a chef and I have no idea what does Patrick do. So Rene kept promising to bring me a chocolate croissant for breakfast and then he would get up too late or would forget or whatever. But today he came with the box of cookies and cakes. Isn't that sweet? I mean, to do that for someone you barely know, someone you'll probably never see again after this summer.
I don't know, so far it seems people are so nice here, for no apparent reason. I'm not lik ethat. I try to be kind when I'm at work but it still feels like a conscious effort. Sometimes my smile comes naturally but most of the time I need to remind myself to put it on. It's probably because I'm not a people person. I'm quite the opposite. But it's getting easier.
I don't know what I'm gonna do tonight. I should sleep. I should shave my legs and my bikini zone so then I might get some sun tomorrow morning but I'm feeling kind of lazy, the chances are I'm gonna donothing of the above but just wander around, no rhyme or reason. Oh, and I've got some laundry to do. That should be my priority, not thinking about how I would like to have a crush because I really don't need it, not here, anyway. Ok, I should really wrap this up. I'm only wasting paper.

Diary Of Krk IV

I still haven't got the chance to rest properly. I'm lying down now and kind of watching a football match (Australia - Italy).
So listen to this. Last night Boris (my boss) gave me 100€ for the few days I've worked when I came and for this weekend because I've worked a bit more than normally. And he told me I did well. OK. But then today Branimir called me and asked how did I do. I said I made it and then he says Boris told him that I have snapped. I don't get it. sure, I was beyond tired but I did m yjob. And I don't get it, if he thought I was crap, then why say I did well??!!! I guess everyone here lies to each other every now and then.

Diary Of Krk III

It's 5.15pm and I'm all alone in the kitchen of our little apartment. Jelena should return later tonight though. If you're wondering how I am, I'm tired, beyond tired. I've worked my ass off these last two days because J isn't here so I'm sort of filling in for her and it's been really busy. Right now I'm resting but there's a good chance I'll need to go back tonight or, Heaven forbid, even sooner.
I'm meeting new people on daily basis and get this, there's this guy (Vanja) who thinks I'm cheerful! It's insane! I am the queen of down!
Newsflash on that hot instructor: he's back to ZG, he went home on the very same day he came. But when he was leaving he came in to say goodbye and I told him to say hi to his family. I still find it hard to believe he's got a wife. He's too young and too hot to be married! Oh well, the story of my life.
I got a grip on that 2nd crush and I sort of don't know what was I thinking. The summer night by the sea got to me, I guess. I've come to my senses now.
Mare called today, Patrik is beginning to walk. I can't believe I'm gonna miss it. He'll be so big when I come back, he's gonna be a different child.
So, what do you think, am I gonna have a summer romance here? Yeah, I don't think so either. I'm too busy and it's only gonna get busier, everyone claims.
Oh boy, do my feet hurt!!!! I haven't worked this hard since... well, I've never worked this hard. I need to try to rest a bit now. I'll have my ice cream and lie down for a while.

Diary Of Krk II

It's basically still the same day, only it's 3.20 in the morning. I recently finished my shift. It wasn't exhausting, it's just that I had to stay for so long.
There's this Slovenian guy that wanted to get drunk or something. He's a friend of my boss' brother so he can dictate the terms. But oh, he's really nice, a bit too fat and a bit too blond to be good looking but strangely enough, I sort of found him sexy tonight. It was really really weird. He kept staring at me and, well, I kinda stared back. HOWEVER, he's married with two children (and only twenty eight). And there was this funny moment when he asked: And where does Kristina sleep? as if he was to, well, join me (I almost screamed "YES!"). But then Ivana (my boss' wife) and Robert (his brother) reminded him that he should be worrying about where Barbara sleeps (that's this guy's wife). Of course, it's not like he'd actually come to sleep with me but it was quite flattering to hear that there are men out there who'd consider it.
Sure, Branimir (mine and Jelena's room-mate) keeps repeating how pretty I am but I think it's only to make me feel better because I've been pretty sad these last few days. And besides, he's around forty. You know that men that old are bellow my horizon.
But there was this unbeliveably sexy diving instructor here last week. He's from our capital and he came with a group of divers. He's young and attractive (to me, at least) so I totally had a little crush, especially 'cause he would always give me a little smile or a wink or would say See ya! and stuff like that so I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him. Anyway, he was leaving the other day and he came to say goodbye (although he'll be back more than once during the summer) and he shook my hand and KISSED ME ON BOTH CHEEKS!!!!! (To be fair, he did the same with Jelena and Štefica - another girl that works with us but also with the divers.) Naturally, to be true to myself, I went straight to 7th heaven just to find out a bit later from Jelena that he's MARRIED and his wife is PREGNANT! Well, of course he is! The first guy I liked in years and then that. That's just my luck. And I need to stop having crushes on married men!

P.S. It's 12.45pm, I'm resting and watching Everwood. My shift starts at 3 and I'm expecting it to be very hard today because there are lots of people in the center for the weekend.
But guess who's back?! Yes, the sexy instructor. I need to keep reminding myself that he's MARRIED!!!!! Hey, listen to me! I'm acting as if it would make any difference if he was single. He's one of those guys that I always fall for in an instant but who never really notice me at all. Guys like the one last night notice me but that's not good, right?
Anyway, since I'm not really looking for anyone right now, it's even better this way. I just need to be firm and reject everyone. Assuming there would be anyone with certain ideas. And there probably won't be.

Diary Of Krk I

You're not gonna believe where I am. I am in Šilo, Krk. I'm here for the summer, working as a waitress in a cafe at a diving center Neptun. I know, it's insane!
Jelena is also here, well, she's the one that got me this job. I came last Thursday. I thought it's gonna be unbearable, but it's getting better every day. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be at home, with mum, dad and Vaki, sunbathing and reading and having coffee with Sole but at least here I can make some money for the college. If I make it in. Oh yes, I'm trying to get in again. You don't think I'm too old, do you?
Anyway, I'm here now and everyone is really kind and helpful. Let's just hope that won't change. I've signed a contract till September 15, but if I find this place or work or people in any way intolerable, I can always go home. All the King's horses and all the King's men won't hold me here. You know I mean it.
I must say, the first few days I cried my eyes out and I was only a step away from packing my bags and taking off but I'm much calmer now. I'm still scared to death, of course I am, you know that, but I'm starting to think this might turn out just fine.
I miss my family though. The worst is when Vaki calls. It just breaks my heart, but I'm getting over it.
Oh, my shift starts in about an hour, so I have to get ready. I love you and thanx for listening.