Has anyone seen my youth around?

Today I realised the last three guys that expressed their interest in me sexually were all forty-something divorced men with teenage children.

Who the hell am I and when did I become her?!

Testosterone boys and harlequin girls

As I was walking to the train station from Uni tonight, freezing my ass and various other parts of my body off, I kept thinking "I can't wait to come home, I need to blog!" See, I felt this need to write, to just let the words out, to create sentences. I didn't necessarily had a theme in mind and God knows nothing particularly interesting happened. I just wanted to make the words flow.

And then I came home and... nothing. I'm making myself type this even though the need is long gone. It's not that I couldn't come up with something to write about. It's just that I don't think I have the energy needed for shaping the thoughts into an entertaining form. So would it be okay to just ramble incoherently?

I spent most of my class fantasising about giving a blow job to that guy. TMI? Okay, yes, maybe, but that's actually not my point. (Yes, I actually have a point this time.) See that first sentence there? The thing is, I could never ever write it in Croatian. It would sound too crude, too dirty, too vulgar. It's liberating, writing in English. I love it so much, but I am detached from it nonetheless. Words I say in English are just that, words. They're not... How do I explain it? It's not that they're not my thoughts, because clearly, they are, but they're not inherently a part of me. Am I making any sense? I believe I could describe having sex in minute detail as long as I'm doing it in English. (Doing it as in writing about it, not doing it as in, you know, doing it.) Another reason for this is probably all the slash I've been reading. I've become desensitised when it comes to body parts and sex acts in writing. They're just words. They don't mean anything. In English. In Croatian, even thinking about writing the words down squicks me.

Recently I read The Time Traveler's Wife. The main characters have a lot of sex. And it bothered me! Just because I read it in Croatian. The author writes about sex without hesitation - not clinical descriptions, but no prettifying it either. She calls things with their names instead of using metaphors Harlequin way. And if it was in English, I'd be totally fine with it. This way, I felt uncomfortable. I have no problem with reading lines like these:

He tongues Jared fiercely for endless minutes, stabbing in deep, using spit and Jared's own precome to get him good and wet inside. It's a tight fit, when he slides a finger in to test; Jared clenches hard around him, groaning down low in his chest, every vein and muscle standing out in sharp relief on his arms as he grips the altar. Jensen works in a second finger, sliding his tongue in between, and smiles when Jared jerks at the first touch to his prostate.

But when I just think about translating it, I turn into a blushing fourteen year old. So stupid, isn't it?

Bits'n'Pieces

An unknown person just sent me a friends request on Facebook. It's a girl from NY with a vaguely Croatian surname. Now, I know there are people who like to add random people from the countries their parents came from, but my question is WHY??! Hopefully, I'll find out soon enough because I sent her a message saying: Why do you want to add me when I don't know who you are?

I got a random period. Random because my last period came on August 25. Notice the problem. Randomly bleeding from my vajayjay every 10 days is not agood sign. Sure it's been known to happen, but it's usually a sign of great stress in my case. And here I was thinking I was happy.

On Monday I saw Mamma Mia! with Sonja. It was FABULOUS! OMG the movie is so lame, it has pretty much no story whatsoever, and most of the actors (apart form the girl who plays, well, the girl) can't sing to save their lives. Yet, it's AWESOME! So colourful, so shiny, sparkly, glittery, psychodelic, singing, loud, funny, hilarious, absurd, pointless! And on top of it all - Colin Firth is gay! LOLOLOLOLOLOL I had an awesome time. But then, I like ABBA so maybe that's that.
Before the movie we went to dinner in a restaurant where students can use their cards when they eat. Then Sonja told me students get a discount on theatre tickets as well. LOL So all in all, grilled calamari, french fries, grilled mushrooms, a bottle of Coke and a movie ticket came out to HRK28,50 ($5,62)!!!!!!!! Yeah, that's cheap even here. So next time you're in town, dinner's on me.

Random Blabber

So. Nothing going on but seeing how I'm online and rather bored (where are all of you, people on my MSN list when I'm here willing to chat, huh??), I'm gonna just... type.

Today my work day consisted of mostly hanging around the Neptun cafe doing shit and escorting bunches of Belgian teenagers to the beach volleyball playground (field? pitch? beats me). I've done that like a million times, right? Some times the playground (turf?) would be empty, others not. but every time I'd ask nicely for people to move for a while and they would. It's kids, for fuck's sake! But today... Oh today a group of Slovenian guys simply refused to. We're tourists too, they said. I know, dammit, but these kids are here for fucking two hours! But no. They were so obnoxiously arrogant and full of shit I had no choice but to point the kids to the beach and let the fuckers be. Goddamn inconsiderate bastards! I was so mad, I can't even tell you. I felt really bad for the kids although they didn't seem to mind. But then, what could have I done anway? Get in the fight with eight guys? I'm a tiny girl! LOL And I kinda like my limbs attached to my body and stuff. So yeah, some people suck ass.

In other news, my last three days of work went like this: Tuesday was my day off, Wednesday I worked for exactly FOUR HOURS, and today, well, you heard about today. Sweet, no? But here comes the weekend and it's the highlight of the season so yeah, I'm expecting to be falling off my feet in about 24 hours from now. Yay. On the bright side, more work means more money so yay for reals now.

I missed Torchwood last night. *sadface* I was here at 11.30pm when it was on and then I fell asleep and missed the rerun at 2am. All that not working exhausts a girl, y'know? LOL But anyway, have I told you about the wonder that is Torchwood? Yeah, yeah, you Americans know already but bear with me, OK? I've only just discovered it. Oh and when I say "Torchwood", I totally mean Cpt. Jack Harkness. OMG HOT! John Barrowman, a Glaswegian that plays an American and is classic-Hollywood-hot. Awesomesauce, I'm telling you. And the best part? Wait for it... HE'S GAY! In REAL LIFE! And MARRIED! There are PICTURES! Of him KISSING his partner/husband! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! So there, my reasons to love Torchwood. TV men are so much better than real men. They don't disappoint and they make much better fapping material (for those unfamiliar with the term, look it up at Urban Dictionary, don't make me blush all over my own blog over it).

Huh. I rambled a lot for someone who had nothing to say. It's just one of my many talents, I guess. Think about the wonder that I am now. And with that, I say good night.

Randomness

I am very much tempted to go to Blogthings and do random quizzes and then post the results to the blog just because I have nothing to write about. Not having anything to write about is particularly unfortunate at this point when I have two more journals to hand in on Monday and I'm stuck with zero inspiration. I suppose I'll use the marriage part of the second post below. Yeah, ~that~ one.

Do you like my new layout? It's so very gray! Which is rather odd since I'm feeling kinda sunshine-y these days. Which is also kinda odd since I'm under so much pressure and having exams and keep thinking how I'll fail my exams and be done with schooling forever and be a loser for the rest of my life. Yet, I'm doing it in a cheerful way. I'm psychotic, aren't I?

And getting fatter by the minute. Like, right now? I'm waiting for sister's bf to bring me pizza. At 8.30pm. How very healthy of me. But... Strawberries. Ripe strawberries from our garden. And Mum bought whipped cream. Mmmm yes. For after pizza. Shit. Oncoming fatness.

Four more weeks. I am home for four more weeks and then wheee! off I go to our gorgeous coast. Without my PC. *bites nails* I can't stop thinking about it. And about the job. I just ~know~ they'll try to put more responsibility onto me but they will not succeed! I shall not do anything more but serve people drinks. Yes.

I feel the need to mention my ~special place~ again but I'm not gonna touch that subject. Just like I haven't touched it in a very, very long time... Ahahaha! See what I did there? Surprise TMI, motherfuckers! But seriously, what is wrong with me?

I'll leave you with that thought.

Of Marriage And Pussies

Lunch time. Just me and my mother. And a movie is beginning on TV. Something Winona Ryder something. OK, It's "How to Make an American Quilt" and I didn't need to know that. Anyway. Yadda yadda yadda and then Winona goes "26 is not an unreasonable age to get married." or something along those lines. I snort into my plate and say "Nonsense." And my mother goes: "Seriously though. You don't plan to marry? Like, ever?" (She didn't actually say "Like, ever?" ~

~~
My PC just spontaneously restarted itself. Great, PC, congrats on having a personality and' all, you win the personality contest in front of at least a dozen of people I know, but fuck off, OK? I'm writing a post here, jerk! *ahem*
~~

~ but it was implied and I heard it, dammit!) "Uh, no I don't plan to. I don't not plan to either. I don't really think about it." "But what do you think then?" "I don't know. I'm not saying I'll never marry, I'm just saying it's not likely. I really can't see it happening any time soon. Or, y'know, ever." And she says nothing more.
I mean, really. What is she thinking? I'm not going anywhere. I'm not meeting anyone, let alone dating. Even when I do meet a guy, I make sure he knows pretty damn soon I'm celibate and not interested in dating/casual sex/happily ever after. Any of that shit. It's just how I am. I wish she'd finally accept that.

T fucking MI part of the post - consider yourself warned:
I have this vaginal infection that comes and goes once in a year or two. Bacterial or whatever. It came back like two weeks ago or so and my mother noticed. She only noticed cuz of the discharge that is now of some colour, light brown or something (she does the laundry, she doesn't go around looking for my underwear just like that, OK?) so she asked me about it. I said I'd noticed but I've been a little (a lot!) too busy right now with the exams and shit to actually go to see the doctor and get the antibiotics. And then she says: "Your pussy's falling apart and you don't even care!" "So?", I deadpanned. "Not like I use it or anything."
She wasn't amused.