Saturday, 12 May 2007

Sucidal, Anyone?

Listen to this: I have a presentation in Introduction to Sociolinguistics on Monday and only yesterday I found out that I was supposed to go to see the professor last week to discuss it. Maja had no idea either. Really odd since we haven't missed any class. When did she say that and to whom... I do not know. Then Maja asked her if we could send the concept by e-mail and she said we could, although I can't see what the use is since there's no time to fix anything. Ah, the joys of studying in Croatia... Trust me, this is just one example and not even remotely the worst one. Well whatever. I don't really care about the grade I get, I just wanna get it over with. I got a C on a partial in that boring subject that I had to take basically against my will so fuck it. Actually, a lot of people failed so a C was quite good. Especially considering the fact that I didn't understand half of the questions. It was like WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN??! on 8 out of 10 questions. Oh well...
So tonight is the Eurosong finals. Croatia didn't make it to the finals so I'm not sure if I'm gonna watch it. Maybe for the laughs. DJ Bobo didn't make it either. LMAO Poor guy. He should've stayed under whatever rock he's been hiding since '96. I don't understand why can't certain people realise that their time has passed. I mean, if one was a European dance star in the 90s, then he/she most certainly shouldn't try to have his/her comeback in 2007. But maybe that's just me.
I was watching Everwood today. (Yeah, I watch it. Is that a surprise? Don't you people know me by now? Name the worst crap there is on TV and I'll most likely be its biggest if not the only fan.) Anyway... That Reid character tried to kill himself but they saved him blah blah blah and it got me to thinking how people always take someone's suicide so personally. Like when I was considering it and once tried it (unsuccessfully, obviously) it was all about how they would miss me and how they would feel and stuff like that. Well, what about how I felt? Do people really think that what goes through one's head when he's about to kill himself is what that would do to other people? Sometimes all you can think about is getting out, ending it, making it stop. Making what stop? Everything. Honestly, I didn't think all that much about the people I was gonna leave behind (and it was a small number of people, much as it would be today). If anything, I thought I would make their lives easier. Seriously. When I was feeling depressed and unable to deal with life, I thought I would release everyone of the burden if I simply ceased to exist. So it's not like one is being selfish when committing suicide - often it is just the opposite.
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12 spoke back:

Anonymous said...

Whoa! And I think we're Suicidal Twins ("Hand Twins" by Joey) I tried to end my days too once...
In my case, it was totally selfish, I have to admit. I just wanted the pain to stop nothing more nothing less. Thank God, I'm still alive, and happy to be! I'm very happy you are too Krissie!
I LOVE YOU.

Krissie said...

I'm not happy to be alive.
Just saying.

Anonymous said...

Krissie,

I could not be happier that you are alive today.
And suicide a selfish act? Everything you do is selfish when you look at it properly. Pain and depression do afwul things to a person. I can only hope for you that you have found a way to experience joy now and then -- it makes life a little more bearable.

Bel

Anonymous said...

I have enough happiness for two Kris, here, have some, I like to share!

Krissie said...

First of all, that happened 10 years ago. I'm not killing myself these days.
For now, anyway.
But thanks for support and shared joy. LOL

Anonymous said...

Wow Krissie, this is such a depressing post :(
Never knew you were that 'pessimistic'.
I always thought of you as a funny, sarcastic drama queen :D But not as a real negative person!?
Come on Kris, just pick it up!!

Please don't take me from my daily laugh/literature pleasure!!

I L.O.V.E. YOU!! (and so do like another hundred people.)

XXX Julie

nicbeast said...

I have so been there Kriss. The thought that people's lives would be easier with out you is paramount, second only to not feeling anymore. I believe the cliche' "Ignorance is Bliss" is true. The less you know the happier you are. I think some of us, especially you, know way too much. Learning to cope and find joy is a struggle, one I make daily. I also think once you have been to those depth, it is a very comfortable place to be; I use the analogy frequently that I know where all the furniture is, I have no problem in the dark. If you need to vent or just want validation for your feelings, or a book *grin*, you know how to find me!

Krissie said...

Julie, the mere fact of you even coming here occasionally, let alone saying you do it daily (for what reason, I can't possibly fathom), means more to me than you'll ever know. I miss sms-ing you, girl, and I'm glad you're still in my life in some way. And I love you too. (Though hundred people... I don't buy that. LOL)

NicBEAST, first of all, you made me look up a word in a dictionary. I don't like that. LOL
But nevertheless, thank you for understanding and thank you for letting me know, once again as so many times before, that I can turn to you (any similarity to Christina Aguilera's song is purely coincidental) if I need anything. I may take you by your word and vent. A lot. And often. However, enough with the books.

nicbeast said...

Never enough with the books!!

Anonymous said...

Aw Kris, you just made me shed a little tiny tear!!

Enough with all the sadness, alright?

P.S. : maybe not hundred but well above fifty!! (trust me ;-)

XxX Jules

Krissie said...

LMAO, Julie! I bet on cca 12. If. LOL
Oh and I forgot you said Never knew you were that 'pessimistic'.
How can you love me if you don't know me at all? LOLOLOL

Anonymous said...

Well I do, don't I?(Love ya)
So just shut up and appreciate!!
Plus, you've really got to work on 'the accepting a compliment once every while' thingy!

X J. (I'm kinda bored writing my name full-out!)