Looking Back

As I was reading all those different blogs lately (my favourites are on the left if you wanna check them out), I read about these people's days in high school. They were punks, and dorks, and trying to be who they weren't, and everything else in between. It got me thinking about me in high school.
Well... I hated it. From the bottom of my heart. With the fire of a thousand suns. I. Hated. It. I wasn't the popular girl. I wasn't the unpopular girl. I wasn't the smartest kid in the class (with the exception of English). I wasn't the dumbest kid in the class. I wasn't ANYTHING. I was invisible. And I was often depressed. And I didn't want to study. Ever. (I was just recently with a friend from high school and she told me how shocked she was when I was going through a phase of complete not-studying. She said it was unfathomable to her; how could someone NOT STUDY at all? I don't know, it seemed normal to me.)
I had no style. Well, I was a teenager, I know, but there were these girls having their hair done and their clothes always matched and their make-up was perfect... You know the type. I... I wore only black through 3rd and 4th grade, I think. Oh I wasn't goth or anything. I listened to boy-bands. I was just weird like that. People would tell me I should be listening to Metallica or some other "intelligent" band since my English was so good. I suppose they thought it was being wasted on lyrics like Everybody, yeah/Rock your body, yeah/Everybody, yeah/Rock your body right/Backstreet's back, alright. Maybe they were right but I just like pop-music. (Yeah,present tense is intentional.) And Hornby is right when he (or John Cusack in the movie) says: What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?
I was going somewhere with this... Oh yeah. The thing, not much has changed. I still listen to the music that makes me miserable, still have no style whatsoever, still don't feel like studying most of the time and I'm still average in everything I do.
I'm still waiting for my life to sort out.
This Ugly Duckling is still waiting for her Hollywood ending.