Saturday, 27 December 2008

I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words

I was at the library today. I got The Time traveler's Wife, thank you very much. And also Shopaholic & Baby but that's beside the point. It's high time I read it and I'd be having some 8 hours to kill on the bus on Monday, so.

Then this chick comes in and whispers conspiratorially to the librarian: Do you have Twilight?

And I SNORT. LOUDLY.

Which is totally hypocritical of me given that I was listening to the New Moon at that very moment through my headphones, but I can live with my hypocrisy. Not like they could tell, right?

And the librarian says: It's at the children's section.

I grin, because the chick is so obviously embarrassed she has to ask the librarian to repeat it, like, if she asks about it for three or for times, the book will magically appear here. Then, as if that wasn't enough, she continues with: The one about vampires and... And she waves her hand around in a vague gesture, probably deciding bringing up the sparkling part is not the best way to regain the little dignity she has left.

Yes, the librarian says. The trilogy.

And then... then I kick myself off my high horse by saying: Quadrilogy.

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God it's our last

I can't believe I have to leave home in a few days. What the fuck was I thinking?

I hate everything so much right now, I don't even wanna go out tonight and I ALWAYS go out Christmas Eve.

Stupid tree decorating. Can't anyone else do it for once? It's so annoying, I could kick someone's ass.

I hate my stupid time zone, I missed the incest post at CL_SPN. By the time I wake up, all the fun is already over. Fuck you, time zone!

Fuck you, bank, for sending me the notice TODAY that my card is valid till the end of the year. When am I supposed to pick up the new one, huh? I can't believe I have to go to the city on SATURDAY MORNING. Fuck you, bank, OK? FUCK. YOU.

I can't even get drunk and I really really want to. But my stupid stomach refuses to hold more than two drinks at a time. So fuck off, stomach, you're no friend of mine.

My coffee's gone completely cold and it's plain gross.

Christmas wheat is dying and it's not even Christmas yet. Not that I give a fuck.

This is the worst day ever.

Merry fucking Christmas.

Monday, 22 December 2008

There ain't no words for the beauty, the splendor, the wonder of my... Hair, hair, hair!

Sonja decided to pay for my hair done for my birthday. Well, taa-daa!


Saturday, 20 December 2008

Another year over and a new one just begun

Friday, 19 December 2008

It's Christmas time in the city












Tuesday, 16 December 2008

The gift you give me


I'm speechless, people. Really. Radio Plus and people there kick ass with how awesome they are.

There's a show Tuesday's night about books and they usually announce the book they'll be talking about and then at the end you can call and win it. So today they were going to introduce a book by ma favourite contemporary Croatian author, Renato Baretić and I went crazy at the forum screaming something like OMG I WAAAANT EEEEEEEET! But I had classes in the evening and couldn't listen to the show nor call, so I said that, adding a bunch of crying smilies.

And then... THEN! I got home some 20 minutes ago and found a message on Facebook from Danijela, one of the hosts from R+, saying the book is mine and is waiting for me at the station.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Hotel Grand, I'm coming to get you tomorrow! Happy birthday /Christmas to me from Radio Plus!

Monday, 15 December 2008

Oh happy day!

First and foremost: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAJA!


Second: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! FIRST ROW FOR "KAUBOJI"!!!!! *flails* FIRST FUCKING ROW! I stretch my hand and I can touch the stage! Can't wait! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!1!!!

Third: My sister found a bottle of Deep Red by Hugo Boss under her bed! I missed that perfume so so much! I'm so happy we apparently have one left. Not that I don't like my current one, Gucci by Gucci (duh!), but this is DEEP RED!

Fourth: Tentacle rape. On TV. Last night. And I thought to myself: This is relevant to my interests. OK, I know that tentacle rape in manga is like... Dylan Dog meeting a vampire. Or Marten being afraid of Faye. Basically, nothing unusual. But after scenes from cartoons where various tentacles raped body orifices of different characters, there was a real naked man, positioned on his elbows and knees, and a naked woman who was rubbing his bare ass with an octopus, which was, I can only assume, dead.
Tentacle rape - if the octopus is dead, you're doing it wrong.
Next thing I know, someone will be suggesting to spank me with a carp.

Sunday, 14 December 2008

If tomorrow never comes

I am without a doubt the most morbid person in my family. But sometimes, someone else gets aboard with it.

Sis: If I died, what would you dress me into?
Me: Something white-ish, you're still rather young.
Sis: Moooooooo-oom! Kristina doesn't love meeee!
Me (internally): LOL WUT?
Mom: Huh?
Sis: I asked her what she'd dress me into if I died and she immediately answered!
Me: Wait... what??
Sis: If I'd asked you, you would've gone crazy on me and started shouting "Don't talk like that!", and she just... answered.
Me: Oh. My. God. *inner headbang* You asked, okay? And it's not like I think about it all the time, I just said the first thing that came to mind.
Sis: Sometimes I think about me dying. The other day I was going to work and I was thinking about it, and I got really sad, I almost started crying. I think it would be really sad if I died, you know?
Me: It's a good thing you love yourself so much so it doesn't even matter if I love you or not. Jeez.
Mom: *looking at us incredulously*
Me: But come on, I'd be sad, too, probably.
Mom: Yeah, you love each other a lot, she'd probably kill herself.
Sis (looks at me): Nah, we don't love each other.
Me (looking at her): Yeah, we tolerate each other at best.
(everyone laughs)
Sis: I think it'd be easier for us if Dad died first.
Mom: *blink blink*
Me: Oh yeah, totally.
Mom: What do you mean?
Me: The three of us, we'd support each other, we'd stick together. If you died, Valentina would probably get married as soon as possible and move away, have her own life...
Mom (nodding):... Dad would drink all the time, and you'd...
In unison: ... kill self.
Me: Haha, yeah.
Sis: And what if she killed herself?
Me (bending over, laughing till tears start running): Oh God, this is priceless! In every scenario I end up killing myself! No one ever considers the possibility of me just... dying.
Sis (laughs): Haha, yeah.

Heh. A person tries to kill self once or twice and can never live it down.

Saturday, 13 December 2008

You're a bum, you're a punk, you're an old slut on junk

According to my friends, I'm a drunk, a ho, a bossy bottom, a fag hag, and a bitch. I wonder what would happen if I ever actually left the house...

That's my gmail status.

Puki disagreed: Btw, ne oodobravam status na gmailu. Da nisam dobro odgojen, rekao bih ti da si full of it :D (Btw, I disapprove of your gmail status. If I weren't brought up this well, I would tell you you're full of it.)

Icy agreed:K:you're a ho?since when?
(meaning: i agree with all the rest)
me: I don't know!
and I know, you beotch
LOL
K: you are sooooo a fag hag
you SO are
me: but it's apparently teh general consensus
I am, I know
10:04 AM I have this friend I keep groping
even though I realise i lack some essential equipment for him lol
K: i'm so taking this sentence out of context
Kristina "I have this friend I keep groping" Devic
me: lol wut?
K: back to the drunk part
me:what drunk part?
anyway, Neri and Sonja keep calling me a ho, a slut, a tramp...
dunno why
K: who are Neri and Sonja?
10:07 AM me: Sonja is my neighbour/friend, and Neri is another WM fandom friend
10:08 AM K: so it's validated by all your friends
from all places
me: apparently
K: you are a drunk, a fag hag,etc
must be truth dude
me: yeah
and yet, I'm at home all the time
10:09 AM alone
sober
schizophrenia FTW, I'd say
10:10 AM cuz I don't remember getting drunk
K: well, maybe you manage to be all those things while at home
me: but there are pictures
LOL
K: see, if you don't even remember, it means you're REALLY a drunk lol
me: ahahhahhahahahahahaa

+shruggs*
wow
+shruggs* ?????
10:22 AM K: hahahahahahhahaha
are you drunk?

8 minutes
10:30 AM me: I must be



ETA: Christel:
so now I'm stuck with faggy photos in my profile
me: ahahahhahaha
11:42 AM hey, i have pics of me drinking that people repost at forums
as a proof I'ma drunk
11:44 AM Christel: haha, your fault for having such so-called friends
me: yeah, I hate them all





In other news, I should probably revise the choice of websites I frequent when I find myself participating in this conversation:

me: BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS MERRY CHRISTMAS LIKE FISTING A PENGUIN AND RAPING THE NATIVITY SCENE. YES.

smn else: SRSLY. IF HE GOT ANY FURTHER INTO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT IT WOULD CONSTITUTE ANALLY INITIATED SKULL RAPE.

me: A LITTLE KNOWN FACT IS THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE SCENE THAT GOT CUT OUT OF "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE".

This pile of crap was brought to you by the dead pig in the garage.

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

You drive me up the wall

So. The Boy. Is apparently smarter than me. That... I didn't see it coming. And I don't know if I like it.

He said something and I said: "I don't have a reply to that. I'm thinking, but I've got nothing." And he went: "BWAHAHAHAHAHA." Um... excuse me?! So I said: "OK, OK, you win." and he said: "Oh it's so much more than win." *chagrined*

And then he quoted Eminem and I said I reserved the right to use that against him at any given moment. But then he pointed out I liked new Beyonce, so I shut up. *more chagrined*

Then we were talking about whatever, and he said: "I'm actually 18." "I know", I replied. "Eminem outed you. Also, I'm actually 13, so." And he said: "I know, The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants outed you." *even more chagrined*

Sunday, 7 December 2008

So here I am and right there you are

Flirting on Facebook.

It's not beneath me. *facepalm*

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

What's the point of trying to meet you in the middle? You got your point of view, there's nothing I can do

Most of the times my Mom's really cool. Like, not at all stuck up and old-fashioned. She's rather liberal and not narrow-minded. But. There's one conversation we keep having over and over and over again. She just can't accept the fact that we'll never ever see eye to eye on the matter. So, welcome to the awkward world of discussing casual sex with my Mom. I'm just kidding, it's not awkward at all. After having it for so many times, it's actually one of the most comfortable conversations we carry every now and then. The thing is, she just can't accept it's as common as it is. I don't even know what triggered it today but here's how it pretty much went:

M: Tell me if it's normal.
K: Yes.
M: How can it be normal?
K: It just is.
M: It can't be normal.
K: Goddammit, it's normal!
M: But for whom?!
K: Oh for crying out loud, one of my friends is casually sleeping with her colleague. they're not dating, they're just having sex. The other keeps having these flings with guys that tend to be a little bit younger every time. (I used names, but I won't here.)
M: Wait, what? OUR *name*?
K: YES. Does that make her a tramp or trash?
M: No, of course not.
K: Well there you go.
M: But her?! How did that happen?
K: Oh my God. I dunno. She's a grown up, if she wants to have sex with boys, she can. Not everyone wants to have a boyfriend.
M: But why not?
K: Because it's exhausting! It's emotionally exhausting, and it's time consuming, and you have to compromise, and a lot of people today aren't ready to do that.
M: So they just get together and have sex.
K: YES.
M: And that's normal?
K: Jesus. Look. People have casual sex, people get pregnant at 16 and get married. People date for 5 years and THEN get married. I am celibate! I haven't been TOUCHED by anyone for over two years. EVERYTHING is normal. You cannot just cram my entire generation into one single box, OK? Can we just agree that you'll never understand it because this is just not your time?
M: I guess.
K: Fine.

Generation gap. Fun for the entire family.

Monday, 1 December 2008

It sure is fancy how you love me

OH. MY. GOD.

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE AWESOME THAT ARE MAICHAN AND AJ.

Do you know what they did? DO YOU? No, you don't. So listen.
Maichan got me a Christmas card and then AJ got JENSEN FUCKING ACKLES SIGNING IT FOR ME! And now I have something touched by Jensen Ackles. (Which basically means I should get tested cuz God knows what I got just by opening the envelope. :P )

But look at my card!!!!!


And the best part? THE BEST PART is the card itself (and I'm pretty sure he never saw the front of it TEE
HEE) because LOOK AT IT:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

For those who may not know who Jensen Ackles is:


And THEN Maichan add the second card, this time from herself in which she mentions hobos, emo cutting, and boobies. To be precise, her husband thinks Jensen's sig looks like boobies (and for the extra lulz: that's pretty much how MY boobs look like - completely different in size and shape!), Maichan thinks I'm a hobo who cannot afford heat in the winter, yet she asks of me not to be cutting myself, because SHE LURVEEEES ME! It's the most awesome Christmas card EVER! Let me show you it:


Thursday, 27 November 2008

7 seconds away, just as long as I stay

I got tagged! By Darth sardonic, you know, the guy who wrote a book. This is me not being jealous, not even a little bit. So.

7 things I plan to do before I die: Graduate. Get a job. Move out (just don't tell anyone). Have sex again. Have a baby. Meet at least someone I met online. Make my parents proud.

7 things I do now: Study. Read. Surf. Chat. Resent. Despair. Hope. Love.

7 things I won't do: Say everything that's on my mind. Write the next great novel. Marry. Move out. Be cruel to an animal. Not procrastinate. Do my best.

7 things that attract me in the opposite sex: Arms. Hands. Face. Wit. Intelligence. Nice butt. Making me howl with laughter.

7 celebrities that I admire: Wentworth Miller. Jared Padalecki. Oprah Winfrey. Nick Hornby. Gibonni. Kate Winslet. J.K. Rowling.

7 favorite foods: These rolls my Mum makes with relish, salami and cheese and the best sauce ever. Pizza. Lasagna. Strudel with ham, cheese, sour cream, mushrooms, corn and oregano. Chocolate. Potato chips. Croissants.

Tagging part. Well. If you're reading this and you have a blog, do it. I don't even think there's 7 of you altogether. LOL

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

This may sound silly but it's true

I had a test in Syntax of Phrase today. I don't know how I did yet, but I was done pretty fast so I had some time to kill. I turned the last, empty page of the test and wrote:

There once was a girl in fourth row
Who Syntax of Phrase did not know
Yet she did her best
In doing the test
So let's hope the score's not too low.

I just hoped it would ease the chagrin my poor analysis of the verbal phrase is bound to cause.

Sunday, 23 November 2008

It hit me like a steal freight train


Gaah, I hate this. I woke up with my nose clogged (I know, just the mental image you needed) and my throat feeling as if it's been ploughed through. And not in a good way (LOL, have another pleasant mental image there). At first I was cold. Now I'm boiling. My eyes might be watering from time to time, and my nose is running. It's the best Sunday ever.
At least I can explain the headache: I totally forgot to have some coffee what with all the tea and honey, and pills and lozenges. THANK GOD I have no classes tomorrow.
I think I'm coming down with fever.
Someone entertain me.

Saturday, 22 November 2008

There's no good reason for the way you love me

So I have this friend. And it's weird because I sort of didn't realise we're actually, you know, friends. I mean, we've met and we sometimes hang out in groups, and as of recently we chat sometimes as well, but also we meet for coffees sometimes, just the two of us. And it's... well, it amazes me that there's someone out there who goes: Hey, wanna meet me so we'd talk for a while for no other reason than just spend some time together? Because it's, like, he doesn't have to spend time with me, but he wants to. And that's... well, it's weird. And yeah, kinda awesome. *grins* And the best part is, he's smart and sweet, and he probably has seven hundred better people to hang out with than me. So it's flattering. Oh, and he's totally engaged to an awesome girl so don't be getting any ideas, a'ight?
So anyway, the other day I had this gmail status that said "A lil' bit blue." and he popped out on chat:
Puki: aaaw
what happened?
me: lol nuthin'
the methinks it's a premature bday bluesscratch the "the"
Puki: and when would the bday be?
me: in a month
LOL
super mi je ovaj engleski, volim ga (this English is great, I love it)

Puki: Aaaaaw you females are so cute wen you're hormonaaaal :D
točno (right)

sad sam skonto da ne moramo na engleskom (I just realised we don't have to do this in English)

:)
me: hahaha pa jesmo slatke, dok ne postanemo opake (well we are cute till we turn vicious)
Puki: Ah, znam .... :( (Ah, I know...)
(...)
Puki: Kako si ti opčenito? Jesi li druželjubljivija nego inače? Kad ćeš naletit na kavu? Nažalost, faks me jako odvlači prema bolnici, no nekako se možemo skontat (So how are you in general? More sociable than normally? When will you stop by for a coffee? Sadly college's been dragging me toward the hospital a lot, but we'll figure it out somehow)

me: da, pa osjećam se dosta druželjubivo, mogu ti reć (yeah, well I've been feeling rather sociable, to tell you the truth)

Puki: Ajde! :D (No way!)


So then we met on Friday and he says: There's a webcomic you have to start reading. I asked why, and he said: There's this chick, and she's just like you. Like how, I asked. She's totally sarcastic and everyone's afraid of her. There are no words that could express the love I felt for him right at that moment.
And now we come to the point of this entire post. What? You thought I had none? Pfft. Anyway. I did start reading the comic. And it's fantastic! And the chick? Well. Let's just say, being compared to her is a huge fucking compliment. Not anyone would take it as such, but I sure as hell am. God, I hope people see me as sarcastic and scary and worth the trouble. Best people usually are.
Also, here's a little illustration:


AND

P.S. She's also a bit on the pudgy side. She's got a larger butt and some belly and the guy is still hopelessly in love with her. I think she's the awesomest character ever. So if you're curious: Questionable Content

P.P.S. I'm not proud of what I'm about to write now. I've been informed that an ex I broke up with 4 years ago hasn't gotten over me yet. It's horrible and sad, but my ego did a little happy dance upon hearing that. Yes, I'm a terrible person. But at least I don't hide it.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Oh yes I'm the great pretender, adrift in a world of my own

Monday, 17 November 2008

I don't know if it's me

A NOTE: This post is inspired by two very separate things. One more recent is a class I had today in which a professor spoke of the term "author" and different ways a person defines himself or herself. The other one is a piece of fanfiction that I read a long time ago and that made me think of myself in terms of defining words. Vocabulary is a story in which a 16 year old boy is given a sentence to finish for homework, a sentence that goes "I am ________ ." and he is only allowed to use one word to finish it. You don't have to read it, but I do recommend it. For the longest time I tried to come up with that one word. I couldn't do it. Instead, here's my list.

I AM:

a female: I'm not saying "a girl" because I believe I outgrew it. I'm not saying "a woman" because I believe I have some serious amount of growing up to do before I can step into a woman's shoes. God help me, I'll quote Britney Spears: Not a girl, not yet a woman. I am, however, a female, which in many ways determines not only the way I look at the world, but also the way the world looks at me. I am predetermined by nature to give birth, to be a mother. I have a brain that functions in a certain way, different than a man's. Being a female sets grounds for everything that comes next.

a daughter: I've been blessed with wonderful parents, even though they didn't always do a splendid job at raising me. But I am loved. And that is a lot.

a sister: It's the best. It's the worst. We have a bond that I am almost positive would never break. But nothing can tear me to pieces easier than one well aimed sentence form my sister's mouth. She knows all of my weak spots and she knows hot to hit each and every one perfectly. And the comparison never ceases. There's no getting away from me vs. her-concept. Is she prettier than me? Is she smarter? Do they love her more? Is she more successful? And if so, am I therefore a failure? Does she makes me look like a loser? Is she better than me?

a reader: I've been a reader since I can remember. The story says I learned to read at the age of 4 and I never stopped since. To be honest, I read a lot of really bad literature. But something worthwhile sneaks in from time to time. The best thing about reading is that even from crap you get to learn something. If it's merely a single new word, so be it - it's more than I knew yesterday. Do not judge me for what I read.

a student: This should make me feel good. But it doesn't. Every time I think of being a 2nd year student at the age of 27, I cringe. What the hell have I been doing with my life and what the hell do I think I'll be doing if I ever do get my degree? I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. But it doesn't look good.

a quitter: Everything I ever started, everything I ever touched, everything I ever thought of doing, I gave up on. I gave up on friendships. I gave up on relationships (no matter how very few of those I even engaged into). I gave up on schooling. I gave up on jobs. I gave up on myself. Once my boss said to me: "I don't doubt you'll make it, you're determined enough." and I stared at him thinking: "You have no idea who I am, you don't know the first thing about me, and you couldn't be more wrong."

a Catholic: I'm not an active one. I don't go to Church, I don't pray. I believe in God but that's it. Yet, just by being born one, I have these beliefs that are ingrained into me, about heaven and hell and what is right and what is wrong (just so we're clear, I'm pretty sure I'm heading downwards). And don't even get me started on the Catholic guilt. Why is that the thing that sticks the most, is beyond me, but it's there, every step of the way.

a Croat: It's actually rather stupid to feel proud for being this nationality or that one, given that you're born one or another without any choice, but I am. I can't put my finger on it, on why I should feel proud, but every time I hear the national anthem, I tear up. Being a Croat also determines the way I see the world in a lot of way. I cannot not see it from my country's perspective. I cannot view things as an American or a Chinese. The culture I was brought up in helped building me into what I am.

a single: I am single because I have chosen not to commit to anyone. I have chosen not to give up on parts of myself to make room for someone else. I am single because I'm selfish. Or am I selfish because I can be, since I have no one to make compromises for?

a fangirl: Yes, I am. I spend more time looking at pictures of this or that actor, watching films and shows that they're on, than doing anything that involves my family or is in any way benefitial for me. I can't explain why it is so important to me. But it's what I do and it makes me happy. And is for the most part a secret to the real world.

an online persona: More of them, actually. Each of you know some side of me that I let be seen. It allows me to be free in many ways. I can read what I want online. I can say what I want online - there will always be people who agree with me. I can spill my emotions to the screen and it's cathartic and it helps in dealing with the world. It also makes it harder because there's no delete button in the real world. And it's messing with my mind. A lot.

And how do you define me? Seriously, I want to know. What is your word for me?

Friday, 14 November 2008

Call the clowns and listen closely Part II

Now with the actual clown.

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Don't mind doing it for the kids

I may have corrupted young innocent Anja today. In the Curator's class. She was bored, okay? So I gave her a couple of, y'know, love stories with an edge. Which, as you know, is a euphemism for gay porn in Kris. And I'd feel bad, really, I would, but when she went all "OMG WHAT IS THIS?!" on me and I tried to take it away, she got all clingy and wouldn't let go of the paper. And then when the class ended and she wasn't finished with the second story and asked me to bring it again the next time, I let her have it. She wanted it, okay? So I'm actually nice and a good friend. Yeah.

Monday, 10 November 2008

And it's a shame what we've become. And it's a place I cannot go, anymore.

Yet there you are, pressing your thumb into the wound. Yeah, just like evil!Sam. Whatever, I know I have no life so all my metaphors and similes are about Supernatural. Pathetic, I know. Anyway. What the fuck, AJ? Seriously, what the fuck? Oh right, yeah, I'm the joke, right? Fine, whatever, ha ha. But I left, didn't I? I haven't said a word in, what, forever, so why not let me be? Probably cuz you haven't even noticed. Which kinda brings me back to the why part. And what does that even mean? Seriously, what? Oh ha ha, lame country, or what? You wanted to me to speak up? Well here I am, speaking up. Because, well, you had me there. I'm completely confused.
I don't get it. But it upsets me. Upsets me a lot. Because, goddammit, this is my entire life. It's all I have. YOU, people, these sentences... It's all I have. And I end up having a little less every day.

When I came here there was more.
Now I've come back to destroy,
And I've got nothing left,
And it's a shame what we've become,
When we hurt the ones we love,
And it's a place I can not go,
Anymore.

When we collide we lose ourselves.
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake.
When we collide,
We break.

Saturday, 8 November 2008

As I dream about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead...

...I cannot be anything but grateful. Why? Because the last two weeks have been the weeks of bad, awful and worse movies for me. What the hell is going on with the movie industry? OK, OK, there must be good movies out there, I just managed to miss them all somehow. But anyway. Reviews.

The Women
I cannot fucking believe I paid money to see that. First of all, what the hell was that movie even about? No, really. Except for, like, a lot of women running around and yapping to each other. The message of the movie is not that behind every successful women there are her friends. Nuh-uh. I'm not even sure there is a message, but here's what I got out of the pile of crap this was: when your husband cheats on you, don't divorce him! No, you go and change yourself. After all, it must be your fault that he cheated, so you better go and work on improving yourself, mmkay? You go out, let his mistress humiliate you in public, then decide you have to beat her at this game, because clearly, your husband is a catch, and then when you're someone completely different and he's intrigued and wants you back (most likely till he meets someone new again), you go and take him back right away, beacuse, OH NO!, he might change his mind. SERIOUSLY.

The Christmas Cottage
Starring Jared Padalecki of the Gilmore Girls and Supernatural, Oscar winners Marcia Gay Harden and Peter O'Toole, and a bunch of anonymous people. OK, fine, I saw it for Jared and thank God he's as hot as he is because I don't remember a movie as boring as this one. I don't even know what that is about. So he paints and his mother has debts and his old neighbour looks as if he's about to drop dead any second now and there's a Christmas pageant to be held. Believe it or not, this summary of mine makes more sense than the movie itself. Two hours of my life I'll never get back.

Ten Inch Hero
Starring Jensen Ackles of Supernatural, Danneel Elta Harris of One Tree Hill, Clea DuVall of Heroes and some other things, Sean Patrick Flannery who was the young Indiana Jones, hello!, and a bunch of anonymous people, one of which is One Tree Hill's Peyton's creepy fake brother Derek. Anyway. All of these people are, like, outcasts. They're different. Jensen is very original because he wears this mohawk in different colours every day and that's, you know, alternative. Elta is a whore. A slut, if you will. Clea has this online life but she's not pretty so she's shy and stuff. Sean Patrick Flannery... well, he's got a nice torso there. Anyway, they're all weird and stuff, but then they all completely change their personalities and become regular sheep and that's when they find true loves and eternal happiness and, I dunno, reach nirvana or something. See, the point is that none of us really wants to stand out. No, what we really need to be happy and feel like we belong or some shit like that, is to be exactly like everyone else. So go out there and be conformists. Because Ten Inch Hero told you to.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Starring Rory Gilmore of Gilmore Girls, Ugly Betty of Ugly Betty, Joan of Arcadia of Joan of Arcadia and some generic blonde, you know the type, dime a dozen. So this one... this one's really something. They buy these pants, okay, and the pants are magical. The pants, and we're talking one pair here, fit all of them. I'm sensing they actually used four different pairs, but that just me. Naturally, it's summer and they all go to different parts of world and then they each wear pants for a week and then pass them on. Sounds ew, right? Especially because there's a rule that pants mustn't be washed at all. Luckily, no one got their period unexpectedly while wearing them. So there are dead parents, and dead kids, and first loves, and Greek islands, and Mexico, and tennis, and videogames, and OH MY GOD, WHY DID I WATCH THAT?!!!

I am so looking forward to watching Burn After Reading. My brain could certainly use some resuscitating.

Friday, 7 November 2008

Call the clowns and listen closely

You'd think that watching an episode of Supernatural in which a teddy bear comes alive, gets depressed and blows its brains... uh, head stuffing out would be on the top of the creepy in one day. You'd be wrong.

In the middle of the city sat an elderly man, dressed in a old-fashioned suit of dubious cleanliness. He also wore a hat and a red, curly wig. You could see his stubble around the edges of his cardboard clown mask.
He was playing an accordion. The song he was playing was "Jingle Bells".

And I did not have my camera with me.

Monday, 3 November 2008

Once, when I was little

You know how bread always falls buttered side down? Same goes for bread with Nutella.

I hated kindergarten. From the get-go. Or at least I think so. I went to kindergarten since I was a baby till I started school (which is at the age of 7 in Croatia).

There were so many things I hated about it. Getting up while it was still dark outside to a freezing house, having mother dress me while I was still more or less (more more than less) asleep, being dropped off at that place. The food. God, I hated the food. The skin on the warm milk. *stomach heaves momentarily* String beans. I honest to God vomited once we had those. Strawberry pudding. The ugliest shade of pink and its jelly-like consistence. *shudder*

And then there were the naps. Stupid unwanted naps we had to take after lunch at noon till 3pm when parents would start coming to pick the kids up. I don't remember ever actually sleeping, I would toss and turn and wait for the time to drag its ass by. The happiest day was when I had to go to the dentist and Mom picked me up right after lunch. Oh yeah, the dentist topped napping in kindergarten so easily it wasn't even funny. I remember one time when one of the "nice" kindergarten ladies pulled me up by the arm to turn me to the other side so I'd stop chatting to a friend. It hurt like a motherfucker!

We weren't allowed to play whenever we wanted to. It was fucking kindergarten and sometimes we couldn't play. Or, we could play but only with the toys they'd give us. Sometimes we weren't allowed to play with all the toys. When they'd give us dolls, it was like a holiday. I guess it didn't really help that I was kind of antisocial even back then. I just wanted to read, not socialise, y'know? I learnt how to read when I was 4 and I don't remember this, but my Mom told me that I was the one who'd read the subtitles to the other kids when we would watch foreign kid shows. I'm thinking being the nerd did wonders for my kindergarten rep.

But then I was also really good at learning poems by heart. Reading helped, I guess. So I'd make my Mom really proud when we had our little pageants. I was the small chubby girl with resonating voice who'd never EVER miss a line. I was always the smart one, you know?

Big deal when I couldn't draw to save my life. Creative potential? Zero. Stick figures were as good as it would get. I couldn't run. Always the last one to reach the mark. Couldn't climb. I don't even know if I was too afraid of falling down or simply of heights.

When I was bigger I used to walk home alone. It was terrifying. And it never got easier because I had to go through this part of the village where Gypsies live. And they were wild and mean. Messing with little girls was what they did for fun. They were just adding to the trauma. Funny how my Mom told me much later she was just as scared when she'd walk home from kindergarten when she was a little girl. She knew and she still put me through it.

I had my first crush when I was in kidergarten. Could've been 4 or 5, I don't really know anymore. His name was Marko and he was a true gingerhead. Freckles and all. A lot of the girls had a crush on him. And then... one day... we ended up taking a nap in the neighbouring beds. I don't know how it happened. I don't know who reached out to whom. I just know we held hands through the entire nap time. Just this once. It was the best kindergarten day ever.

The next time a boy held my hand I was 23.

Friday, 31 October 2008

Though my edges may be rough and never feel I'm quite enough

So there I am, on a bench at the river bank, sun is shining upon my face, there's breeze in my hair and against my skin, and I'm reading slash that I printed out and took with me. It goes something like this: Their mouths find each other in the dark, fitting together so tightly that their teeth click and their noses bump. Dean manages to maneuver himself without pulling his lips from Sam's, shifting around until he can lie flat over Sam's body. and so on and I catch myself thinking: "Their mouths is a noun phrase, their is the determiner, mouths is the head noun, find is the verb phrase..." Seriously. Slash reading - YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. Thank you, Syntax of Phrase in English Language, thank you very much. In Soviet Croatia, Syntax of Phrase learns you. And you cannot get away.

Friday mornings are reserved for PE. Anja and I were 15 minutes late. I swear, it wasn't on purpose. So we slack around, trying to avoid actual work out as best as we can, and as I leave there's the professor and with him is my high school PE professor. So I stop by the desk, we shake hands, he asks how I've been and how was Uni, and my current professor points at me and says to my ex professor "She never does anything." "Aww, don't be like that!", I say and laugh. "She just slacks around", he continues and I wave it off with my hand and say "Oh, but he knows! I was exactly the same in high school." And I was. I mean, one is not a PE enthusiast for years and then suddenly decides it's no longer one's thing, right? I've always hated it, I'm not gonna start jumping with joy over it now.

The Curator, God bless him, really tries. He brought us monographies and DVDs with exhibitions today, for each and every one of us, and then he had this one copy of a DVD with some experimental films and what not (OH! I just realised I'll finally discover what they're really like!) and he asked if someone would take it and make copies for the rest of us. And he stood there with the DVD in his hand just waiting. So I volunteered. Stupid soft heart of mine. But I just felt so bad, the others were talking among themselves and not paying attention and you could see he was really trying to show us what it's about. And he only kept us for fifteen minutes instead of an hour and a half. Oh man, I'm warming up to him. I did not see that coming.

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

I was unconscious, half asleep

Notes from the Curator's class, Oct 28, 2008

~ the Curator is talking about a book, we don't know what book it is
~ but, there you go, it was first published in 1961
~ a-ha! it's originally English
~ the Serbian translation sucks for some reason
~ old world, new era, renaissance, modern art - like, apples and oranges and some relish
~ we're "taking a walk" through the table of contents - this is where the idea of 5 or 6 introductory classes stems from - there are 4 prologues to this book
~ no matter what he starts talking about, it's always "we'll get back to that"
~ Greek art introduces the term "style" - I'd say this is the first concrete piece of information we've got from him
~ I'm thinking about food
~ he keeps looking at me, I feel the compulsion to nod
~ ah, friends, Romans, countrymen
~ somebody shoot me!
~ we have to remember the word "Romanesque art" - am I the only one noticing it's actually two words?
~ culture consists of seven free arts - he didn't say which those are
~ Anja and Tajana are reading my "notes" - fake coughing doesn't disguise the laughter all that successfully
~ why is he going through the table of contents?
~ and for God's sake, what book is it?!
~ 40 minutes later we're at art nouveau
~ I poked myself in the eye with my finger - OUCH!
~ there's definitely not enough alcohol in my bloodstream for his "simplifying"
~ Baudelaire? Huh?!
~ world image, word image, world image - if you repeat it thirteen times, I still won't know what you're talking about
~ a-ha, we have to study the table of contents and make notes
~ and now something about the author of this, to us still unknown, book
~ time stands still
~ I see a cricket under the desk two rows ahead - I'm gonna call him Jiminy
~ oh my God, he's got another book
~ now something about secession in Osijek
~ definitely not enough alcohol

And then here are Anja and me in the class:

Sunday, 26 October 2008

You think your days are uneventful and no one ever thinks about you

A friend suddenly pops up on gmail with:

Dejan
: Černo says you're hot
Me: ???????????????
Dejan: he says you're hot
don't be so shocked
Me: how can I not be shocked, for God's sake?!
Dejan: it's not like he's lying
what's with the status message?

Smooth subject change, don't you think? Oh and I might be blushing. Boys...

Saturday, 25 October 2008

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

So I can transport wood around.

Friday, 24 October 2008

With nothing to say besides some comment on the weather

Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" made me walk around the city grinning stupidly without even realising it. Such a ridiculously uplifting song.

I was so happy lectures got cancelled today. Mostly because I got to see the new episode of Supernatural earlier. I love SPN but what sucks about it the most is that, even though we met through it, I feel you judge me for still liking it. I'm embarrassed even for liking it and I don't think I should be.

I don't care for politics. Well, for American elections anyway. But living in the country where Ivo Pukanić was murdered in a car-bomb explosion so shortly after Ivana Hodak was shot is starting to scare the shit out of me. Who is next?

I got stuck in the traffic jam this morning on the way to that 7hrs long lecture and I freaked out beacuse I didn't want to be late and have her make me write the punishment paper. I managed to get there on time. Then she cancelled the second part of her lecture and assigned us all with papers. You know what, professor? Fuck you.

I didn't go to the German experimental film thing. A girl from the class did but she couldn't find where the showing took place. I'm glad I saved myself wandering through the woods in the dark.

All combined, I still like exactly two people from the R+ forum. Why I still visit, I'll never know.

This is how I communicate. This is how I tell you about what goes on in my head, what goes on in my heart, what goes on in my life. If you don't comment or react in any way, I believe you don't care for me at all. You make me sad. You make me wanna withdraw even more than I already do. You make me even more antisocial.

I reread an epic poem for my lit class (Smrt Smail-age Čengića). I read it in high school like everyone else and thought it was yawn-so-boring. Yesterday, Harač brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad I got to read it again.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

Cuz I am hanging on every word you say

WRITTEN TODAY IN CLASS

I'd say I'm stuck at the most boring lecture ever but that would be a lie. It saddens me deeply, knowing that I'll never get to say that about a lecture again. From now on, whenever I think I'm bored in a class, I'll have to ask myself: Sure, it's boring, but is it more boring than the Curator's lecture? And the answer will always, forever and ever, have to be NO.
I know it's hard to believe that one class can be so horrible. Well, brace yourself because it gets worse. Tonight us girls from the Curator's class are going to see some German experimental films. I know. I'm barely containing the glee myself. *stares blankly* God, I hope there'll be subtitles. Um... Are there lines in German experimental films? What do they experiment with? Will there be gore? I hope there'll be no gore. Or rape. I don't want to watch Germans experimenting with rape without subtitles. Imagine the notes (yes, we have to take notes). So, imagine the notes: Two German guys are raping a German girl. A lot. They're saying nothing. German techno music is playing in the background. Clearly, I know nothing about German experimental film but that's how I picture it. Most likely, in black and white. It would freak me out, though, if my vision turned out to be true.

In other news, I'm fangirling over one of my new professors. I want to make him a fan site that would contain audio recordings of his lectures. Not because his lectures are particularly interesting. It's a class about English dictionaries that are, granted, useful, but not all that much exciting. No, it's actually about the way that man speaks English. I've never heard English spoken so beautifully at my Uni till this class. It's British (of course it is) and I'm no expert, far from it, but if that's not RP at its best, I don't know what is. His English is perfect. Except for his ORs. His OR sounds Irish. And my God, it just makes it all the more wonderful! *fangirl sigh*
I texted (LOL, non-verb) Maja immediately after the lecture saying I loved it so much and she said: I know, right? It's beautiful. She knew I'd be mad about it. I told my parents about it over lunch. I stopped eating and talked about the way this man speaks and how I could listen to him for hours and I may have or may have not stared into nowhere for a while. But I don't think they got it. Mostly because my Dad said: But you speak English so well. Um, no, not really. I sound like I escaped from Russia. But some day, some day I'll sound like him.
I hope.

Monday, 20 October 2008

I've never seen and there's never been anything with the beauty of you

You know I don't normally post his pictures here. Just... I'm mesmerized. So this doesn't really qualify as a post of substance and proper grammar and style, I know, but bear with me. Speechless is the word I'm looking for.


Sunday, 19 October 2008

You gave me a sign that didn't feel right

So I'm quitting you. Funny thing. Apparently, I do know how to quit you. Saying you love me but turning against me on every step. Yeah, that's not love, darling. Turns out, some people I just can't stand. Turns out, the feeling's mutual. And that's all right. I'm just done. That's the beauty of virtual friendships. They're one click away from a clean cut.
Thanks for pointing me to some awesome people. There's no taking that away.
Okay then. Delete link. Done.

Saturday, 18 October 2008

I played the fool today

What is worse than having PE on a Friday morning? Not many things but here's one: not having PE on a Friday morning but thinking you're having it, thus getting up at 7, going to the city, taking a 25 minutes long walk from the train station to the fitness centre really fast so you're not late for the class, realising you came for fucking nothing, and then taking the same 25 minutes long walk in the opposite direction, again really fast so you don't miss the train back, because another one is in 2 hours. Did I mention it was raining the entire time?

Does that even make sense? No? Well, welcome to my Friday morning.

Fast forward to Friday afternoon. It's 3.30, I'm reading some crap on Croatian literary romanticism, practically falling asleep when suddenly, it hits me. SHIT SHIT SHIT! I was supposed to be in class in 15 minutes. Notice the problem. I'm on my bed reading. The class takes place in 15 minutes. In the city.

Friday most definitely was not my day.

The class I missed was held by the Currator (that's what I'm gonna call him) and it can be summed up by this:
Me: What did I miss?
Anja: For an hour and a half he talked about how to write a paper.
Me: And how do we write it?
Anja: We don't know.

This is going to be one hell of a year.

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Barely surviving has become my purpose

So here's my voicepost. Sorry you have to D/L it but box.net is being an ass and it's not letting me sign in.

Monday, 13 October 2008

And I can't ask for things to be still again

But seriously, how am I ever to survive through this?

What is that, you might ask. It's the schedule for one class I'm taking. Attendance mandatory. The professor just refuses to have normally scheduled classes every week. Instead, we'll have HOURS of lectures once a month. And she doesn't give a shit about OTHER classes we have during that time. Attendance MANDATORY. And for EVERY hour of her class we miss, we have to submit a paper in one week time. She's apparently and incredible bitch.
So I guess I'll be skipping some other classes then.

Friday, 10 October 2008

A choke and a gag, she spit up n came back for more...

I returned home today cradling 3 huge books in my arms. They're heavy and all talk about history of Croatian literature. And tomorrow morning, yes, on a Saturday, I'm going to the library. See, I'm thinking of trying out this new concept this year. It's the not-flunking-the-year concept. Some of you might have heard about it. I have a vague idea what it is but haven't actually managed to pull it off yet. So I'm giving it a shot, you know, trying it out, seeing how it'll fit me.

One of these days I'm gonna make a voice post. Stream of consciousness kind of thing. I won't be having much chance to actually speak English this year since I'm mostly taking Croatian classes and I really don't want to get too rusty. Also, I'll be signed in to skype when I can so please, do sign in and we'll chat. For purely academic purposes, of course. You don't want me to fail in English next year, do you? DO YOU?

I've also decided I'm gonna be using random lyrics as titles for my posts. In case you were wondering what the hell is that. I've also decided I'll try to make posts of some substance and use proper (well, more or less) vocabulary and grammar because a dear friend of mine told me my style was somewhat deteriorating.

Speaking of music, I'm discovering some things about myself. Not so long ago I was listening to Kelly Clarkson, Alicia Keys, Shakira, Pink... stuff like that. Lately, I tend to like a song here and a song there by artists I don't really know, then I download the albums, and they end up being metal and rock bands, and even though I can't say I like it all, I find myself keeping at least some songs and liking them. Am I evolving into a person that doesn't have to be ashamed of their music taste?

I'm still not interested in politics enough to be discussing the debates of the America's presidential candidates, but I'm politically aware enough to know that voting is important. So go vote, my friends. I always do. And that would be my PSA for the day.

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Sometimes You Need A Few Drinks

I have stuff to write about, really, I do. The fact that I'm officially a student of the 2nd year after I'd enrolled to the 1st year for FOUR times (twice in law school, twice here), and how they're trying to kill us with boredom, how there are more of my 1st year peers left behind with me than I expected, how I helped in creating a radio show, how I found some music I really really like (right now, "Breathe" by Greenwheel, for instance, and then ohsobeautifulandperfect "Candleburn" by Dishwalla), how I went out and was an accomplice in a criminal act (sorta), how my virtual friends love me (Maichan) more than my RL friends, even though the latter ones can be sweethearts too (Puki), how I went shopping again and bought a ton of stuff, how my cat's missing and this time, this time I don't think he's coming back, how I gained all the weight I lost back, how someone form my blogroll wrote a freakin' BOOK (Darth)...
It's just that... I don't feel like it.

Instead, have a song that is oh so very true.

You don't understand my jokes
You're burning my eyes with your smoke
If I wasn't alone, I'd ask you to move away
So I order up another round
Sipping my last one down
You're the best deal in town
And I've only got dreams to dream of
Sometimes you need a few drinks to fall in love
If you need a few drinks
you could start with a couple of shots
Give a couple of winks
And later blame it all on the buzz
And this year burned a hole in my hope
I got debts that could choke out a rope
And it's not my approach it's the way I go summing things up
And there's really nothing great about this bar
So here I am and right there you are
We're both shooting way under par
But soon we'll forget what par was
Yeah, sometimes you need a few drinks to fall in love
If you need a few drinks
You might as well start with a couple of shots
Give a couple of winks
And later blame it all on the buzz
Sometimes, you need a few drinks to fall in love

Monday, 6 October 2008

Leprechaun Teacher

Topless.
Who wants to see?

Friday, 3 October 2008

I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!!

Croatian post fucking stole my Impala! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK???!

THE ENVELOPE WAS OPEN WHEN I GOT IT OUT OF THE MAILBOX AND MY IMPALA WASN'T IN IT!!!!


One of these should've been mine.
I am so mad, I cannot begin to tell you. For fuck's sake, I was only JOKING about them taking it and look, I jinxed myself, I guess.
WHO IN THE FUCKING CROATIAN POST NEEDS AN IMPALA PENDANT??!

I HATE YOU, WORLD. YOU SUCK SO MUCH ASS.

And it's not even about having the pendant. It's about Dana putting effort into making it and sending it, and I wanted a reminder of Capslympics and GODDAMMIT, STEALING SOMEONE'S MAIL IS FUCKING ILLEGAL!

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Of Beer And Knitting

"If I ask you to come with us to the Days of Beer on Saturday, what are the odds of you actually saying yes?", Maja asks.
"Really good", I say.
"REALLY?", she gasps.
Yeah, why the hell not. Besides, I already told Martina I'd come and God knows I could use some... uh... beer.
"Unless there's some god awful band playing that night", I add hastily. It makes her think, wary of her next move. She knows the wrong name will make me go HELL NO in a heartbeat.
"Uh... Belfast Food", she says finally.
"Oh OK then", I say. "Who doesn't like Irish folk music, right?"
"Yay! Wait...", she pauses. "Are you being ironic now? It's hard to tell on MSN."
But for once I wasn't. I can totally go to Belfast Food. Unlike, say, Let 3 or... I don't even know. I hate Croatian rock scene. There's not enough beer in the world that would make it bearable for me to endure 2 hours of any band I dislike. This way though, people I actually like, band I can tolerate, and gallons of beer pretty much guarantee good time. Last hooray before the classes start.

And in all honesty, I'm actually looking forward to the classes. Except for PE. I do not want PE. I didn't want it in primary school, I didn't want it in high school, and I sure as hell don't want it at Uni. I shudder at the very thought of hopping around at the gym with 19-year-olds. At this age I should be given a nice, comfy rocking chair somewhere in the corner, and possibly some needles and wool to make scarves and beanies for the class. Yes.