Monday 21 January 2008

If College-Themed Porn Were Real

Situation One: The Naughty Student
Cindi, an attractive student with a large rack, walks up to the desk of her professor.
Porn:
Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor: Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi: (has sex with him)
Reality:
Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor: Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi: Like what?
Professor: A seven- to ten-page report about the economic principles behind trade rules in a Micronesian country of your choosing.
Cindi: Oh. That makes sense and is an appropriate extra credit assignment for the course.


Situation Two: The Hot Teacher
Paul, a student in his late twenties, walks up to the desk of his teacher, Professor Mandy, who has enormous breasts.
Porn:
Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul: How?
Professor Mandy: (performs fellatio on Paul)
Reality:
Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul: How?
Professor Mandy: A series of tests based on the material covered in this course.
Paul: Could I just have sex with you instead?
Professor Mandy: (sues Paul)


Situation Three: The Sorority
Between two and a half-dozen attractive coeds sit on a large bed, in nighties which barely contain their ample bosoms.
Porn:
Head Sorority Girl: Let's have a naked pillowfight!
Assistant Head Sorority Girl: And practice kissing!
Sorority Girls: (do those things)
Reality:
I kind of assume this is what actually happens in sororities.


Situation Four: The Curious Freshman
A very attractive freshman girl named Candi sits on a bed with her boyfriend, Brett. Did I mention that Candi has boobs the size of overripe grapefruit? She does.
Porn:
Brett: Let's try anal sex.
Candi: Okay.
Reality:
Brett: Let's try anal sex.
Candi: No.

10 spoke back:

Van said...

Lmao Krissie.
My favorite was situation no. 2.

And why is it after I read this post I started thinking about Bel, the gorgeous Teacher with hot students?!
lolololol

Krissie said...

It's because of her rack, I tell ya.

Sgt said...

Must you trounce everything I hold sacred in my mind!

Next you'll tell me your breasts are fake and I'll have nothing left but wondering if it was the booze talking when Drew Barrymore told me I was fucking hot at that party.

Krissie said...

My Freak Sisters are real all right. Or they wouldn't be freaky.

Anonymous said...

okay, what is all this talk about my rack behind my back? (that totally rhymed!)

BTW, I was thinking Van's thoughts exactly:

Porn:
Hot jailbait student walks over to Ms Bel's desk because he got a note in his diary.
Student; I'm really sorry miss.
Teacher Bel: Okay, prove it.
Student: walks up between Miss Bel's legs (she's perched on the deks), grabs a handful of her hair and kisses her. Fucking ensues.

Reality:
Hot jailbait student walks over to Ms Bel's desk.
Student: I'm really sorry miss.
Teacher Bel: Last chance to prove that. Or you WILL have to stay in detention.
Student: Okay Miss, I'll try my best.
Teacher: feels like an ass because she has let him get away with it yet again.

Krissie said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA @Belle

Anonymous said...

well DUH! why do you think we had ORGYYYYYYYYY at the TWMS?!!

Krissie said...

Yeah, I know, the sorority thing is totally true.

Anonymous said...

TWMS... *sigh*
We need to do something.
Serisouly, we do!

Glitterstim said...

Oh ROFLMAO, Krissie!

But I read those professor scenarios, then look at the profs I work with, and go, "EWWWW!"

;o) BJ