Friday 26 October 2007

Theatre Rant

I can't remember the last time I had a good experience at the theatre.Where does this come from, you might ask. Well, I was chatting to YKM a little while ago and the subject came up.
I don't know what is the matter with people today. No one seems to know how to shut the fuck up, sit back, and enjoy the film they paid to see. Where to start?
With 15yr olds. I hate 15yr olds. YKM is totally right. They come to the theatre to socialise, not to watch the film. They fucking chit-chat! Hey, fucktards, if you want to chit-chat, go to a park and sit on a bench and chit-chat your heart out. If you're watching the film, you're watching the film! Don't be throwing your popcorn at people either.
Then there are couples. Yes, I know, making out in the theatre is like obligatory or something. Fine. But can you then at least go sit in the back row so I don't have to watch your two faces sucking on one another in front of me? And if you're a new couple and have your entire life stories to share in the first week, dammit, people, share them outside! I do not care to hear about the death of your first dog while I'm trying to watch a goddamn film. Oh and that cute teasing you guys do out loud - NOT CUTE!
Cell phones in theatres suck monkey balls! If there's a call you mustn't miss, do not go see a film. If you can't stop texting for two hours in a day, do not go see a film. If the film you're watching is so bloody boring, get the fuck out. Don't check the time on your bloody cell all the fucking time - it just makes time go slower.
And if you're watching a film with me, you should know that I'm there to watch the film. I know, I can be such a weirdo sometimes. I do not care to hear the latest gossip during those two hours. I do not care about your day during those two hours. And for fucks sake, turn your goddamn cell phone off if you're at the theatre with me. I do not need your display light blinding me form the side every 15 minutes. Do comment on the film. Quietly. Not everyone needs to hear what we have to say. Let me cry if I feel like crying. Let me laugh out loud if I feel like laughing. And please, please, have some kind of a reaction to it once it's over. Discuss with me. Say something.
And then, tell me about your day and who made out with whom.

9 spoke back:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

And what's the deal with those concession stand prices? Seven bucks for a bucket of corn? They're nuts! Am I right people??!!

Krissie said...

Don't even get me started on that!

It makes me bring my own popcorn from home sometimes. I can survive people asking me where my trailer is parked if I can save a little money.

Sassy Blondie said...

Oooh..I made out in a movie last night! Made me feel young again! Not that I'm THAT old, but still...
When I taught in the town I live in now, I would NEVER have even considered it because half the kids in the theater I either taught, coached, or had their older/younger sibling. Scary, eh?

I love how this post sounds like the grumpy old man! LOL You are too cute, Krissie!

And Dyck, who are you trying to pull bullshit on? Everyone knows that the movies you attend do not have concessions...two hands are needed at all times... ;)

Krissie said...

I am a grumpy old man.
These pics in the blog are my granddaughter's.

Krissie said...

Oh and I hope you were sitting in the last row while sucking on his (her?) face.

Little Lamb said...

I hate when people talk during the movie. But I haven't been in so long. I prefer to rent movies.

D-HOR said...

C. and I go during the daytime (old people matinee) hours and it's great cuz most folks wait till night to go.

That way it's not crowded, the teenagers aren't out yet and we get good seats. PLUS it's usually CHEAPER!!! YIPPIE!

Stan Bull said...

YKM is 15! Cool....

Krissie said...

No, Stan, she's not. (Sorry for fucking up your sick fantasy.)