Darth tagged me. It's kinda poetic, I think, to be writing a letter to the 13 year old myself now that I am twice that age. So, let me take the trip down the nightmare lane... Oh and, if you feel like it, do this. I'm not tagging anyone but would be happy to read your letters. Actually, Bel, Lindy and Sgt, consider yourselves tagged.
Dear Kristina!
How's it going? Yeah, I know...
I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't. The shit just changes. Evolves, if you wish. I won't tell you anything about it, I don't want to freak you out more than you already are.
I know how you feel. Seriously, I do, I've been there. I'm sorry your life sucks. I'm sorry you feel like nobody cares about you. It's not true though. You do have people in your life that love you. They are mostly the people that share your blood but hey, it's more than some have, right?
Your teenage years won't be easy, not to you and especially not to your family. You'll ignore them a lot, except during your breakdowns. I wish you wouldn't keep stuff inside of you till that breaking point, but I guess it's just the way you were coping with things. You're lucky, though. You have a mother that is always, always beside you, no matter what you do.
I'm sorry you don't have a best friend, the one you're supposed to have, the one that would think of you as a best friend in return. I'm sorry to inform you that you'll never have one. You're just not going to grow into a people's person, you know? But it's OK, not everyone is one.
About your skin... I know it's what's bugging you the most. I know it sucks monkey balls being called "Volcano" for the craters you grow on your face. But you know how people tell you it'll get better till you're 18? Guess what? It will! It doesn't mean much to you now, does it?
Watching all of your friends having their first boyfriends and experiencing first kisses can blow when you know it's not gonna happen to you. I'm sorry to say that it'll be years till someone notices you. I'm also sorry to say it'll be someone I now wish I'd... we'd never met. I wish I could warn you about him and change the way you'll play it but unfortunately, this is merely a letter, not a time-machine. I wish I could tell you to just be patient and wait for your 15 minutes, for the time when your life gets sorted out, for the moment when you'll be swept of your feet by Mr. Right... Well, that's not gonna happen. So you're gonna sleep with men wrong in so many ways that it would take a book to list them but at least you're gonna get out of that physically healthy. I'm not sure I can say the same about your psyche. That's not the way to get love, but you'll have to learn that the hard way. I wish the 18 year old us was smarter but she wasn't. She regrets it and she apologises.
You're gonna make one mistake after another so I suggest you to try to grow a thicker skin - God knows you... we could use it.
I wish you'd write more. Maybe there was a writer somewhere in us that was never let out.
I wish I could tell you to study more, develop better working habits. It would have made our life so much easier. Too bad school was too easy for you, too bad there were no challenges, too bad you never learned how to fight for what you want.
Oh and fuck those popular girls! One of them is now selling shoes at the market. (Yeah, that's mean but maybe, just maybe, you and me will go places some day.)
That's all I've got so far. Let me get back at you in another 13 years and we'll see where we are then. Hope's a bitch. But it's not going anywhere.
I'd say I love you but frankly, I never liked you much. Sorry about that. I'll try to work on it.
Take care. Do what you can.
Kristina, 26 years old
Dear Kristina!
How's it going? Yeah, I know...
I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't. The shit just changes. Evolves, if you wish. I won't tell you anything about it, I don't want to freak you out more than you already are.
I know how you feel. Seriously, I do, I've been there. I'm sorry your life sucks. I'm sorry you feel like nobody cares about you. It's not true though. You do have people in your life that love you. They are mostly the people that share your blood but hey, it's more than some have, right?
Your teenage years won't be easy, not to you and especially not to your family. You'll ignore them a lot, except during your breakdowns. I wish you wouldn't keep stuff inside of you till that breaking point, but I guess it's just the way you were coping with things. You're lucky, though. You have a mother that is always, always beside you, no matter what you do.
I'm sorry you don't have a best friend, the one you're supposed to have, the one that would think of you as a best friend in return. I'm sorry to inform you that you'll never have one. You're just not going to grow into a people's person, you know? But it's OK, not everyone is one.
About your skin... I know it's what's bugging you the most. I know it sucks monkey balls being called "Volcano" for the craters you grow on your face. But you know how people tell you it'll get better till you're 18? Guess what? It will! It doesn't mean much to you now, does it?
Watching all of your friends having their first boyfriends and experiencing first kisses can blow when you know it's not gonna happen to you. I'm sorry to say that it'll be years till someone notices you. I'm also sorry to say it'll be someone I now wish I'd... we'd never met. I wish I could warn you about him and change the way you'll play it but unfortunately, this is merely a letter, not a time-machine. I wish I could tell you to just be patient and wait for your 15 minutes, for the time when your life gets sorted out, for the moment when you'll be swept of your feet by Mr. Right... Well, that's not gonna happen. So you're gonna sleep with men wrong in so many ways that it would take a book to list them but at least you're gonna get out of that physically healthy. I'm not sure I can say the same about your psyche. That's not the way to get love, but you'll have to learn that the hard way. I wish the 18 year old us was smarter but she wasn't. She regrets it and she apologises.
You're gonna make one mistake after another so I suggest you to try to grow a thicker skin - God knows you... we could use it.
I wish you'd write more. Maybe there was a writer somewhere in us that was never let out.
I wish I could tell you to study more, develop better working habits. It would have made our life so much easier. Too bad school was too easy for you, too bad there were no challenges, too bad you never learned how to fight for what you want.
Oh and fuck those popular girls! One of them is now selling shoes at the market. (Yeah, that's mean but maybe, just maybe, you and me will go places some day.)
That's all I've got so far. Let me get back at you in another 13 years and we'll see where we are then. Hope's a bitch. But it's not going anywhere.
I'd say I love you but frankly, I never liked you much. Sorry about that. I'll try to work on it.
Take care. Do what you can.
Kristina, 26 years old
3 spoke back:
i get it, totally. i didn't like the 13-year-old me much either, and if things had been left up to him, we'd be hating ourselves something fierce right now. (actually, we'd be dead.)
i think you are an excellent writer.
Thank you.
And thanks for tagging me, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
13 yr old Sassy was saying she would never marry any stupid boy because they slobbered all over her and kept grabbing her boob.
And look how things have turned out? Fucking 13 yr old Sassy!
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