A Call From Afar

DOC CALLED! Seriously! She called me from Canada not long ago. She said she'd call and she did.
It was so great to talk to her! It was almost surreal. I mean, I know my friends from the Internet are real but to actually talk to someone... It's something else. I worried about my English (apparently so did she: she said she had feared my accent would be so thick she wouldn't understand a thing but that it wasn't at all *blushing* and if it was a lie, it was one of the nicest ones I've ever heard) because I knew she speaks it perfectly (and she does) but it was so great talking to her.
She says it's not what she expected it to be but I hope it's gonna get better soon. I guess it's gonna take some time for her to adjust. She's moving tomorrow - there was a screw up with her apartment and the job isn't what it was supposed to be. As she put it, they'd sugarcoated it. Well, that happens everywhere. Can't blame it on Canada, I guess. She said she has to buy a computer and I hope she does so soon. The fact that she called means so much to me, I don't think she'll ever know just how much. So once again this poem comes to mind, probably having more sense than ever. Speaking of friends, she said she's missing us all and told me to say HI! to MB, Bel, WFW, Nic, SU... Well, you know who you are.
She asked how I was, isn't she sweet? She moves across the world and asks about me. *tearing up* So yeah, I'm a bit shaken now, I hope she's OK. I know she's a brave girl and I know she can handle it but I hope it's not to tough on her. Canada better not be messing with my Sistah over there!

Friday Blabber

Wow, I can't believe it's been 4 days since I last posted. I wish I could say I was busy or something but the sad truth is that I have nothing going on in my life at this point so I have nothing to write about. I was supposed to go to the city to meet with Maja and Anja but honestly, I don't fee like it. I simply can't make myself go and talk about Uni with them when they passed the year and I didn't and it's just too fucking depressing. I can't take it. I just can't.
I've had the weirdest dream the other night. I was conducting an orchestra. I know, right? And there was Vince Vaughn. (That I can explain: he was guest-starring in that night's episode of Sex & the City.) For some reason he desperately wanted to date me. So he literally chased me down the street. Apparently I said I'd go out with him cuz the next thing I know I was with the guy in an elevator going up to the restaurant or something. It's just that it was Vince Vaughn no more. He turned into one of my professors. Eww, right? And further more, he's telling me we shouldn't engage into any kind of a physical contact in public cuz he's married!!! WTF?! So then why take a girl out anyway? Anyway... instead of ending up in the restaurant, we're in his apartment. No, not alone and not doing anything inappropriate! Eww! No, there is a bunch of people I know from my village and we're all having dinner. And my professor I'm supposedly dating is ignoring me. Not looking at me, not speaking to me... nothing. And of course, I'm pissed off and I'm trying to make an eye contact to see what's going on. And then I wake up.
What did you expect? it's a dream. There's no logic to it.

The Notebook & My Notebooks

I just saw The Notebook.
I'm a girl, therefore I cried.
No, it's not that. I really loved that book the first time I read it. I sobbed. At the part that didn't even cut it to the movie. If you've read it, you must remember the letter she wrote to him when she was diagnosed, where she said that even when she wouldn't remember, she'd still love him.
Anyway, I wasn't crying cuz of them. And I wasn't just crying over a movie.
I was crying because once again I have realised I am completely incapable to love. I'm dead serious. I see all these people around me who just love. And I don't. I don't know how. I don't think I have ever really loved anyone. And it makes me sad. I think I might be missing something I'll never know.
Stupid Notebook.

I haven't been eating properly in days. See, I thought I was doing fine. Until my Mum said it was normal I wasn't eating cuz I am nervous all the time. I thought I could handle another failure. But if that was the case, would I be sitting here at midnight, by myself, crying my eyes out? What if I never make it? What if I just get stuck where I am now? What if I never make anything of myself? I hate my life. I hate myself for being this... this... thing.


ETA: 2:23 PM
Interesting. I went to get my grade signed into my student's book and found out it was not a D as I had thought but a C. Who knew.

Making A Video

OMG! OMG! OMG!
Do you know what I just learned how to do? I accidentally discovered how to create a video with pictures and music! Ahahahahahahaha! I'm so excited! Imagine the possibilities! *clapping and bouncing up and down on chair*
And look! Here's what I made!

Saturday Blabber

My sister was quite sick, you know, high temperature, runny nose, headache... and now I think I'm down with it. I can't stop sneezing and my head is killing. Could it have something to do with staring at the screen a lot? Nah... Then my mom fried some sausages and the smell almost made me puke. Yuck. They tasted all right though.
I'm freezing. I guess sumer is officially over. That sucks.
So last night I made myself a ham-cheese sandwich and my sister, seeing me eat it, decides she wants one too. Actually, she wants two. I hop off to the kitchen to make it. And I cut the ham with a knife and it's well smoked so it's hard to cut it really thin and I also cut the cheese really thin (we don't buy that fancy slices of anything, not bread, not cheese, not salami...). So I make her the sandwiches and bring them on a trey and she takes one look at them and says: That bread is from yesterday. And I say it's not. But she says she could tell. And I have to fight the urge to hit her real hard. So I just reach out my hand as if I'm gonna take the trey and take it back to the kitchen but then she goes: No, no. I'll eat it. And then after she was finished she says: It really was today's bread. No shit, Sherlock. Sometimes she just drives me crazy.

Fuck That.

So now I passed that second exam.
Great.
Now that it doesn't make any difference anyway.
Just great.
I'm not even fucking happy about it.
Sure, one down. But still gazillion to go.
Fuck that.

Tuesday Blabber

It seems like I haven't posted in ages. I was really busy with the Talk Story. But it's up and running now and it's awaiting new members with arms wide open.
Anyway, back to reality. I failed an exam today. So nothing new there. But this time it made me feel really really bad. I'm not gonna go into great detail, let's just say it was very traumatising. Not to mention that there goes my chance of passing the year. It's OK though, I'm not the only one. I spoke to lots of colleagues who are in the same position as I am. Oh well, shit happens.
So now I don't have the will to study for an exam I could be taking next week. What's the point really? I'll have the entire next year to do that.
On the brighter side, I have Prison Break's new episode downloading right now...

Talk Story

Mama Bear has made us a place to hang out. Whenever you're bored or just feel like talking to someone, you are ALL invited to JOIN US at TALK STORY!
Everyone is welcome, everything goes! Join one of the existing threads or start a brand new one, we're waiting for YOU!

ETA: MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2007
If you need me (riiight), I'm most likely there. Or studying. Or both. I spent three hours yesterday uploading additional smilies to that board. My fingers bleed so if you'd excuse me...

A Long Way Down

My favourite Nick Hornby's book is going through a film adaptation! I am so excited about it. I'm sure you've all seen About A Boy, High Fidelity, and Fever Pitch, and if you're anything like me, you loved them. Of course, High Fidelity is my favourite movie of all times, as you most likely know. But A Long Way Down is an even better book and I can't wait to see it on screen! I wonder who's gonna be in it cuz so far we've had Hugh Grant (adorable), Colin Firth (need I say anything?) and John Cusack (who I love love love). Well, who ever it is, I'm sure they won't go wrong.
In Nick Hornby's blog you can also read about what it's like to be a parent of an autistic child. Check it out, if you haven't already!

H.

I have a question about CSI.
How come Horatio Caine calls everyone by their first name, it's Calleigh and Eric and Alexx, except for Ryan who he always addresses with "Mr. Wolfe"?
That bugs me.

Nun Blabber

I saw a nun drove through red light today. Don't they know that Jesus pays double amount of attention to them?
I wanted to be a nun. When I was 12. For about 2 weeks. Had I known I'd be living a nun's life in my twenties, I could have saved myself the trouble of going through all that teenage crap with boys and lousy sex and obsessing over my looks and everything. I could have been tucked away in a monastery, in a long black dress, no make up, no hairstyles, no shaving, no dealing with annoying people. Except for that religious part. I have a little problem with that. So the monastery was kinda out.
But I do love to watch Monk.
Amen.

Wednesday Blabber

As some of you might recall, I bought me an mp3 player in December, I think. Then I couldn't figure out how to actually put music into it for a while. Eventually, in February, I did find out how to do that, accidentally and was pleased as Punch about it. However, it's quite a cheap piece of crap and the earphones didn't last all that long. So for the last two months or so, I've been listening to music through one earphone, and not like one of them worked and the other didn't. Oh no. Sometimes the left one would function and sometimes the right one. Sometimes they would switch while playing: left - right- left - right... One would think it had military training or something. Sometimes there would just be cracking or nothing at all. Anyway, I was waiting till I got some money so I could buy new earphones. So a few days ago my sis gave me 100kn and my aunt gave me 100kn and I was like Woohoo! Finally I have enough money for new earphones! figuring they can't cost more than 200kn. The last time I was buying earphones for my walkman, I think they were somewhere around 80kn. So this morning I happily walked into a store and asked if they had any earphones. Luckily for me, they've just gotten a new shipment. How much are they?, I asked. And the guy said: 19,99. I was convinced he read it wrong and he meant 119,99 instead of 19,99. How much?, I asked again and he repeated. They indeed were 19,99! I could have had new working earphones ages ago! Gaaaah! Well, at least I had some extra money so I bought me a new toothbrush. You see, it wasn't the priority cuz when you have earphones on, people usually don't come near enough to talk to you.
I spent the rest of the morning in the library. Lately, I've been taking these pills, Energy&Memory... *waiting for people to stop laughing* Can I continue? Thank you. They are supposed to help one's concentration and staying awake or something. And they seem to be working like a charm: it's very easy for me to stay up till 3am concentrated on the reruns of Without A Trace. But this morning in the library, while reading the most boring crap ever, I almost hit my head on the desk when I kinda dozed off. Apparently, when it comes to studying, they do shit. Best money ever spent.

Pablo Francisco

This guy is seriously funny. Is that an oxymoron?


And this one is for Lindy cuz she hates fake ass porn. lol

Sharing Time

I haven't written about how I actually feel for a long time and I'm not particularly looking forward to this but here I go.
I feel hopeless. That's pretty much all I can feel lately. I am overwhelmed with the amount of work I am supposed to do in two weeks time and I know, I know, all right?, that I can only blame myself. I simply didn't give my best when I should have and now I'm paying the price. But the worst part is that I have given up. Really. I have. I am convinced it's impossible to read everything I should read in two weeks along with learning by heart the entire grammar of a dead language and a few other subjects that I keep failing and failing and failing... I made my peace with repeating the year and since I've done that, I've been having a whole lotta troubles with making myself study. It has a lot to do with me being naturally lazy, of course. Also, I have never actually studied in high school, and even if I had, I would have lost the habit long time ago. I don't even know how to study. I mean, I read and I read and I read and nothing sticks. I'm sure people repeat the material out loud after reading it but I feel so stupid doing it that I can't make myself actually do it. Yet another thing is that there's always someone in the house with me and I can hear them in another room and it's even harder to concentrate. Not that I'm good at concentrating anyway. And yeah, I know none of these are reasons good enough for being a terrible student that I am, but it's just how it is. I'm not justifying myself, I'm just blowing off steam. I had another exam today and I simply didn't learn it and I'm gonna fail. Next week I have three and may God help me cuz I sure as hell can't help myself.

Horrorscope

Sagittarius (the archer)
November 22-- December 21
1) You are an attractive person.
2) You make people happy.
3) What you don't know can't hurt you. That's why you've never been hurt.
4) You have a smile like the silver plate on a coffin.
5) You like to wear clothing that never goes out of style; they look ridiculous year after year.
6) The genes responsible for your brain comes from millions of years of not thinking.
7) You will look great when you're older. Unfortunately it will come from a cosmetic undertaker.
8) Yes you are an attractive person: like cow dung attracting flies.
9) Indeed you make people happy-- whenever you leave.
10) You often fall asleep while having sex.
11) The majority of Sagittarians are psychopathic.
12) After all these years, you still have the mind of a child-- stupid.
13) You don't give a crap-- that's why you're constipated.

Best career moves: dog poop collector, underwear stain remover, urine donor

Get your own HORRORSCOPE !

My Cat

I obviously have nothing going on in my life right now with the exception of failing every goddamn exam I take so that's the reason I'm not posting anything. I try to study and that's pretty much it.
I have nothing to say so I'm just gonna introduce you to my cat instead. His name is Debeli (Fat) although he's anything but fat. See, when we got him we figured he'd grow up into a big fat slow-motioned tomcat. Unfortunately, he got poisoned or something and has been having problems breathing and stuff ever since, like sneezing and coughing all the time, and remained kinda weak and skinny. For a full grown cat, that is. He's 5 years old and is afraid of everything. Especially my sister but that's cuz she tends to scream at him for no reason when he falls asleep or she gets on Orbitrek and goes real fast so it would make a lot of noise to scare him or just hits the bed next to him when he sleeps so he'd jump up and runaway. Yes, she is evil like that and enjoys animal torture. And this is Debeli:

It's Raining Movies

It's way too early in the morning, 8:02. Why am I up? You tell me. I'm also freezing my ass off. Three days ago it was summer and yesterday we had the heat on. Not to mention the rain, the endless boring rain.
I saw "The Prestige" last night. I really liked it. Of course, Hugh Jackman stars in it so I might be biased. Just kidding, that's not it. It's really good, the story is interesting and it pulls you in and you want to know why and how. It really is like revealing a trick. Although I can't say I'm sure I got it all. I believe I'll have to see it again some time. Like with "12 Monkeys". The first time I saw I was like WTF??! but by the third time I totally got it. Slow much? I know. Anyway, the funny thing with "The Prestige" is that I actually like Christian Bale and I was never a fan. I think "American Psycho" screwed up with my head. That and "Equilibrium". I just didn't like him (except for the "Empire of the Sun" but he was a kid then). But now... Now I'm a fan. He was great and now I've added "Batman Begins" to my to see list. David Bowie played Nikola Tesla, as you might know. What you might not know is that Tesla was born in Croatia so all I could focus on when Bowie spoke was the accent and how well did he get it. I'm weird like that.
My sister saw "Transamerica" with bf but is not thrilled with it. I haven't seen it yet but I'm not sure if I want to be bothered with a heavy drama. It's enough to be bothered with the grammar of old Slavic language.

Speaking of movies, here's something funny. If you're a Harry Potter slash stand up comedy fan.

Ferdinand the Dog

This is my dog Ferdinand. Friends call him Ferdo. He ignores me like that most of the time unless he's biting me. Yeah. I too don't know why we're still keeping him.

From Hell

No, no. This is not a post about a movie. Hell is also known as my life right ~~> now. I know, I know, I have no one to blame but myself. I messed up with failing a few exams, with not taking a few exams and now I am where I am. In hell. I have so much work to do and so little will power to do the work. I'm having the hardest time making, forcing myself to study. Anyway, I've actually made my peace with having to repeat this year (whatcha gonna do, right?) and so have my parents. I will, nonetheless, try to pass as many exams as possible during this month and then I'll be able to listen to some classes from the second year along with taking the exams I'll have left from the first year so when I finally get to the second year, I'll have a job a bit easier.
So much about the reality of my days.

<~~ In the mean time, I've been having some seriously weird dreams. A few nights ago I dreamt I was in our garden fighting someone with a wand! Yeah, I know, too much Harry Potter. Anyway, I couldn't remember any of the spells except for the Expelliarmus and Sectumsempra and I didn't wanna do the latter cuz it's Dark Arts curse and I figured I was better than that. Luckily, I manged to disarm my opponent (who ever it was) and save myself.

On another night I dreamt I ~~> went to Canada. By plane. I don't remember the flight, but I was staying in some house and after living there for some time, I one day came to the living room just to find some guy and a girl in bed doing it. I think the guy lived there too. So I went out to the garden and the guy came after me asking me if I was mad. I said I wasn't mad and he asked why I left the house then. THEY WERE HAVING SEX IN THE LIVING ROOM!

<~~ And then, last night, I dreamt about my sister getting married and I was supposed to do her hair but nothing would please her. DUH!

I have ~~> also been daydreaming like a crazy person in the last two or three days about a trip to Greece that may or may not take place in about 8 months or so where I would meet my online sisters but there are so many things working against me that it's 99% sure it is never gonna happen. Another thing I've been dreaming about is a job I wouldn't know how to do in a non-existing online firm.

All right, call in the people in the white coats - I'm all set to go! Just let me have my last supper, I'm in the middle of it!

Award

I won an award. At Radio Plus forum. There was a vote and I won. What did I win? Apparently this:

In my defense, I'll say I have never ever exposed my boobs anywhere. Thank you.

Except for that one time at that beach but no one was there but me.

And that naked old guy about 200m away.

Hmm... Now that I think about it, he might have had a camera on him...

Pachelbel Rant

Confused? Don't be. I have nothing against the guy. Really. But this dude apparently has and it amused me. (Not to mention that the unlimited internet was bound to make me a youtube whore.) Enjoy. Or don't. I laughed.

Concert

It was GREAT! A lot of people, great atmosphere, music I like (notice how I'm not saying "great music" - I realise my taste in music isn't something to be proud of)... I have pictures and videos. Now, the sound quality of the videos is really crappy but if you don't turn it up a lot, and bear with it, you can catch the songs. Sort of. Or just turn it down completely and wait to see my stupid face singing.

OT: Calls from hidden numbers at 3.30am - always fun. Not. Screw you, who ever it was.

Oh and: UNLIMITED INTERNET, BABY!

1. Kad bi dao Bog -Tony


2. Neka te odvede - Tony