I am.
And I odn't want to hear any of that reassuring crap. I know I am fat when I can't fit into my clothes and when I hate myself to the point when I don't want to look at myself anymore. It's the point when nothing really matters anymore. Stuff like make-up, hair and clothes don't matter anymore because all you can think about is that fat belt around your waist that you can feel ALL THE TIME and the fact that your ass doesn't get tight even when you try to tighten it. It's the point when you put your kinda-fat-pants on and discover you can't button them anymore. It's the point when you'd say NO to a free vacation at seaside because you'd rather die than take off your clothes in public.
It's the point when you decide not to eat dinner anymore, when you decide there shall be no more sweets in your diet, and there shall be no more snacks of any kind near your bed because if you gain one more pound, you're gonna... you're gonna... I wanna say "hate yourself" but I don't think it can get any worse than it is. Let's just say, there really should be no more pounds gaining.
So I drink water. And I pee ALL THE TIME. And I eat breakfast and lunch. And apples. Apples that used to be my favourite fruit of all but have lost their appeal after I've been stuffing myself with them for so many times I was losing weight. And I start doing sit-ups. Little by little. And i jump on orbitrek. Little by little.
And I hope I'll reach that point when I won't hate the blob I am anymore. Cuz right now, I can't look at myself. And if I can't look myself, how could anyone else?
And I odn't want to hear any of that reassuring crap. I know I am fat when I can't fit into my clothes and when I hate myself to the point when I don't want to look at myself anymore. It's the point when nothing really matters anymore. Stuff like make-up, hair and clothes don't matter anymore because all you can think about is that fat belt around your waist that you can feel ALL THE TIME and the fact that your ass doesn't get tight even when you try to tighten it. It's the point when you put your kinda-fat-pants on and discover you can't button them anymore. It's the point when you'd say NO to a free vacation at seaside because you'd rather die than take off your clothes in public.
It's the point when you decide not to eat dinner anymore, when you decide there shall be no more sweets in your diet, and there shall be no more snacks of any kind near your bed because if you gain one more pound, you're gonna... you're gonna... I wanna say "hate yourself" but I don't think it can get any worse than it is. Let's just say, there really should be no more pounds gaining.
So I drink water. And I pee ALL THE TIME. And I eat breakfast and lunch. And apples. Apples that used to be my favourite fruit of all but have lost their appeal after I've been stuffing myself with them for so many times I was losing weight. And I start doing sit-ups. Little by little. And i jump on orbitrek. Little by little.
And I hope I'll reach that point when I won't hate the blob I am anymore. Cuz right now, I can't look at myself. And if I can't look myself, how could anyone else?
9 spoke back:
Cuz right now, I can't look at myself. And if I can't look myself, how could anyone else?
It's easy.. I have no real issue with it personally. Then again, I suppose one could argue that I only exist on the internet and don't count.
Haha, you're sweet, but you only get to see pics I allow you to see so... And you only exist on the Internet so you don't count. :P
You sure do got a phat ass. :P :P :P
I understand you Krissie.
I am not going to make a joke in my comment, like some of my other comments...because this is serious shit.
Sometimes we don't like ourselves, specially in the mirror.
Truth is, more and more, people take confort in food (that was my problem).
I was thin...but then I got fat.
I blame myself for not shuting my fucking mouth.
Now everything is exploding in my head...the guilt.
And its more easy to gain weight than to loose it.
I am trying to loose around 40kg...so you can see HOW FAT I AM!
But this is not about me, anyways...
Krissie you need to have strenght to fulfill your objectives.
Thank you, Van, for the understanding, and you Hor - :P!
OH. COME. ON.
Yeah, I get that you don't get in your clothes anymore, which is not right... BUT YOU CAN'T SAY YOU'RE FAT!
I TAKE OFFENSE!
If YOU are fat, then what am I?
So okay with the diet (I am currently on diet too) but enough with the hyperlatives!!!
Be strong! You can do it!
Thank you for the support, Doc, but here where I live, I AM fat. In comparison to other girls, of course. So I can call myself that if I want to.
Call yourself fat or whatever you like, just love yourself enough.
There are times when I just want to give up. That tyre that won't go away, the hair that won't stop falling... it's tiresome. Trying to work out and eat healthy is an uphill climb, especially with the fat cravings(yes, I'm craving fat now that I've started to work out) like I've never had before. But I keep it up. Gonna do it too.
See you in healthy-land :D . Although my guess is you're already there ;).
Oh I'm really not there, Suki. I'm eating and living in general very unhealthy. But hopefully I am going to get better.
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