The Game

Tonight is the game night. It's Croatia vs. Estonia. I love our football (soccer, you Americans) team! Sister's bf is coming, I'm making popcorn, and who knows, I might even have drink or two! (If I do, at least one will be in the name of Wentworth Miller, who is 35 today! Happy birthday, Mr Miller!) So let's hope that we win as we did so far!
GOOOO TEAM!!!!

I've been studying stupid sociolinguistics. Bloody hell, it's so boring and we have 7 chapters (7!!) to learn. Last time it was only 3 and even then I barely got a C out of it. It won't be pretty on Monday... And the fact that I'm so terribly distracted is not helping, not helping at all! ) I'm in trouble.

Well, it seems as if in two weeks I will be doing a Brazilian. Ha. God help me.

UPDATE: I just waxed sister's bf's chest. I'm thinking I won't be doing a Brazilian. *shudder*
And after 1st half-time, Croatia - Estonia 1:0.

Friday Blabber

And yet another Friday.
No more P.E. I think I'm gonna cry... NOT!
About... y'know... Looking back on yesterday, I feel nauseous. Why? Because I have no idea what was I thinking. I don't know what I want. I sure as hell don't wanna date anyone. Not now, now ever. I've tried that. I didn't like it. The idea of a commitment... *shudder* And sex... Well, enough has been said. So what do I want?
And let's put certain someone aside. What would I want from anyone right now? Nothing.
It doesn't matter anyway. I'm pretty sure it'll all stay on that chat.

Soo... I met a gay guy yesterday. I've never met a gay guy/girl before. Not that I've known of, that is. Why am I so excited about that? Dunno. All in all, it was fun. There were 8 of us, two I've met for the first time. I wasn't quiet all the time. Improvement, no? Well, I knew some of them and it was a significantly smaller crowd so yeah... I felt more comfortable.

I have a partial exam in an hour and a half. I can't think about it now. Who knew. lol But seriously, I might fail. Unless I get really, really lucky. Which I don't get. Ever. So there.
Though I feel the urge to believe in horoscope, just this once:
Don't let things bother you, dear Sagittarius. Have confidence that you are on the right track. Your strong will and erratic habits will actually prove to be quite effective on a day like today, when things seem to be floundering, and indecision abounds. Take this opportunity to grab the reins where other people have let them go. You might find yourself on center stage, but this is fine, because you know exactly what words to say.

I'm thinking of doing a Brazilian. But I'm not a fan of pain so I probably won't.

Just Like Jesse James

I'm sorry, I need this. Laugh all you want.


"Just Like Jesse James"

You're struttin' into town like you're slingin' a gun
Just a small town dude with a big city attitude
Honey are ya lookin' for some trouble tonight
Well all right

You think you're so bad, drive the women folk wild
Shoot 'em all down with the flash of your pearly smile
Honey but you met your match tonight
Oh, that's right

You think you'll knock me off my feet 'til I'm flat on the floor
'Til my heart is cryin' Indian and I'm beggin for more
So come on baby
Come on baby show me what that loaded gun is for


If you can give it I can take it
'Cause if this heart is gonna break it's gonna take a lot to break it I know tonight
Somebody's gonna win the fight
So if you're so tough
Come on and prove it
You heart is down for the count and you know you're gonna lose it
Tonight you're gonna go down in flames
Just like Jesse James

You're an outlaw lover and I'm after your hide
Well you ain't so strong, won't be long 'til your hands are tied
Tonight I'm gonna take you in dead or alive
That's right

You break the laws of love in the name of desire
Take ten steps back cause I'm ready baby
Aim and fire
Baby there's nowhere you gonna run tonight
Ooh that's right

Well you've had your way with love but it's the end of the day
Now a team of wild horses couldn't drag your heart away
So come on baby
Come on baby
Come on baby you know there ain't nothing left to say


You think you'll knock me off my feet 'til I'm flat on the floor
'Til my heart is cryin' Indian and I'm beggin for more
So come on baby
Come on baby, come on


Tonight you're gonna go down in flames
Just like Jesse James
Tonight you're gonna go down in flames
Just like Jesse James

I'm gonna shoot you down Jesse James

This & That

Aah, one of those days with absolutely nothing to write about. Excellent.
Some kind of awful music is playing on R+, sister is getting ready for the night shift and I am sitting in front of the PC, as usual.
We were watching "Waiting" earlier, my sister and I. It's funny. I was a bit scared that it wouldn't be but it is. Gross, sure, but funny nonetheless.
OK, this is how lame I am: on the train I consciously sat on the right side just to be able to take a look at the part of the city where a certain someone lives. I cannot quite explain it. And I am deeply embarrassed about it. I need help. See, this is my problem: I slip into the obsession way too easily.
An amusing story. Well, mildly amusing. OK, it's not amusing at all but I have no life so I have nothing to write about. So you're gonna need background. 1. I am a member of a Croatian dating site. STOP LAUGHING! I am not there for the dating, I specifically wrote in my profile I'm only there to chat to people online, nothing more. I have no intention to meet anyone desperate enough to try to meet someone through the online dating service. No offense to anyone. 2. You know I worked in a diving centre last summer. There I met two guys from Karlovac ( a city in Croatia). One of them was really nice, fun guy, a diving instructor. The other was so annoying and oh so boring that we were literally saving each other when he would start a conversation with someone. It would go something like this: he would start a conversation with, say, Jelena, and then the boss or whoever was around would come up to them and go like: Jelena, you're needed in the office. And then she would bail.
So yesterday on that site I saw that a guy with a nick same as the name of the sunken ship that is one of the diving locations at Krk has checked out my profile. And I see that he's from Karlovac and I'm thinking it could be that nice guy I've met so I send him a message. Of course, it had to be the other guy! Now I'm kinda worried he might, I don't know, track me down or something. He's leechy like that! I think I better change my profile, my name... everything.
I rented "Broken Flowers" to watch tonight. God, my life is so boring.

UPDATE: "Broken Flowers"... blah, IMHO. What kind of an ending is that? Movie-making people, please don't make me think. Gimme all the solutions and don't leave me with any untied ends. That is all. (Unless it's "Kill Bill vol.I", then it's OK because there's a vol.II to follow but mostly because Mr Tarantino can do whatever he wants. *waves at Mr Tarantino*)
Oh and crush... He sings. I didn't just discover this, I just remembered only now. Seriously, I have got to stop thinking about a person I am never going to see again. But damn, I would like to hear him sing... *sigh*

currently reading: Head Over Heels, Susan Andersen (*embarrassed*)

Horoscope

Sagittarius

November 22 - December 20

Strong forces may be acting up and asking you to stand up a little straighter than usual, dear Sagittarius. Keep your shoulders back and be proud. Don't think of yourself as any less of a person just because there is disagreement between you and the people around you. Maintain high respect for yourself and your opinions. Say things with confidence; don't back down, but be prepared to fight.


Hmm... interesting. And I just felt like NOT maintaining high respect for myself and my opinions. You know, as usual, agreeing with whatever anyone says and stuff. Cuz that's so me.

And this is why I think that horoscope is bullshit.

Sex Talk

I've been thinking about sex today. (Majo i Anja, možda je bolje da ovo preskočite...)
To be more precise, I've been thinking about me NOT having sex. Not only not having it but not wanting to have it. Ever. Again. (Or, y'know, never say never but at least for now.)
So why is that so? I'll try to explain. If it's too much for you, by all means, do go away.
OK, here goes.
In theory, I like sex. At one point, I even liked having it. Unfortunately, the last time that happened I was 19. Yes. 19. It was with a guy who knew how to get to me, how to make me relax, how to make me feel right, and yeah, how to turn me on. Hell, I would almost cum on my way to see him just thinking about what he did last time. It was with him that I learned what the sex was really about and how sex is supposed to feel. I was free with him. I had no problem with getting up and walking across the room naked. Now... I'm not comfortable being naked with myself. Funny? Sad? I don't know.
I've slept with a few other guys after him (yeah, maybe two or three in 6 years) but it was never nearly as good. Not even close. I don't quite know why. See, I wasn't traumatised by horrible sex because of... I don't know... pain or an inconsiderate partner or whatever. One would think that I would be looking forward to it after that guy. But somehow that didn't happen. In fact, it seems as if I am getting more and more uncomfortable about the whole thing (if I can even say "more and more" since I basically don't even have sex). Instead of growing up and experiencing sex like something completely natural and enjoyable, like any other normal person does, I try real hard not to get myself in the situation that might lead to it (OK, I don't try real hard, it's not like I get offers for sex on every corner).
There are few reasons. 1) I don't like to show my body to anyone. I really, really hate my breasts. I hate how different they are. I hate how odd they are. I don't want anyone to see them again. 2) I worry about everything. I worry if I'm gonna get pregnant. I worry if I'm gonna catch a disease. I worry about doing things right. I worry about looking good. I worry about making weird sounds (which is really strange since I'm usually so freaked out that I don't make a sound). 3) It feels stupid. Embarrassing. The whole process. The sounds people make are stupid. Men make stupid faces while having sex (not that women don't, but I only had the opportunity to look at men at that particular situation). Putting clothes on after is an awkward situation. 4) I don't feel good. I cannot relax. I need someone who would be willing to work on me (cannot think of a better expression here) until I'm ready to open up (again, I don't mean literally). And as I get older, it's only harder to let that happen. How can I explain to someone that I am basically a beginner? That I don't know anything? That I may not be a real virgin but not far from one?
I don't think I am frigid (although many men would probably disagree). In theory, I like sex. I like to be touched. I like making out. I like to feel skin under my fingers. As long as my clothes stays on. I like to read about sex (but I also like to read about teenage wizards fighting Lord Voldemort so maybe that doesn't mean anything). I like to see people having sex (on TV, not peeking through people's windows). It's only the actual act of sex that I have a problem with.
Am I a freak?
(And does this explain why I have been single for the last 2 years?)

Sunday Blabber

Finally finished the research paper. On what? The Royal Shakespeare Company, duh. It is really really long and even more boring. Unbelievable.
I feel like I should be treating myself with something really unhealthy. Must ponder on that.
I've been wanting to tell this lil' story for days now but kept forgetting. Well here goes now: the other morning I was brushing my hair and tying it in a pony-tail. And then there were a few disobedient hairs that I couldn't control so I took the hair-spray and started spraying like lunatic. And then my sisters comes out of the room, looks at me and goes: What are you doing? Not with THAT!! And I look at the bottle and it's not the hair-spray I'm holding, but a deodorant. Idiot. (Luckily, it was black-dress-approved so it didn't leave white marks on my head.)
What else? Uhm... Yesterday my Dad "celebrated" his 49th birthday. So I ate and I ate and I ate the entire day. Speaking of, I'm kinda hungry now... Must be all the writing wearing me out.
Sonja made the plan for her birthday party. Well, calling it a "party" is a bit of a stretch because it will basically be a few of us in her back yard, eating and drinking. Oh wait... it IS a party! Well OK! Oh yeah, it's on June 22. lol It's never too early for looking forward to getting drunk. And the fact that it is going to happen in the middle of the exams just makes it that much better.
And I think that would be it.