Oh happy day!

First and foremost: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAJA!


Second: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! FIRST ROW FOR "KAUBOJI"!!!!! *flails* FIRST FUCKING ROW! I stretch my hand and I can touch the stage! Can't wait! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!1!!!

Third: My sister found a bottle of Deep Red by Hugo Boss under her bed! I missed that perfume so so much! I'm so happy we apparently have one left. Not that I don't like my current one, Gucci by Gucci (duh!), but this is DEEP RED!

Fourth: Tentacle rape. On TV. Last night. And I thought to myself: This is relevant to my interests. OK, I know that tentacle rape in manga is like... Dylan Dog meeting a vampire. Or Marten being afraid of Faye. Basically, nothing unusual. But after scenes from cartoons where various tentacles raped body orifices of different characters, there was a real naked man, positioned on his elbows and knees, and a naked woman who was rubbing his bare ass with an octopus, which was, I can only assume, dead.
Tentacle rape - if the octopus is dead, you're doing it wrong.
Next thing I know, someone will be suggesting to spank me with a carp.

If tomorrow never comes

I am without a doubt the most morbid person in my family. But sometimes, someone else gets aboard with it.

Sis: If I died, what would you dress me into?
Me: Something white-ish, you're still rather young.
Sis: Moooooooo-oom! Kristina doesn't love meeee!
Me (internally): LOL WUT?
Mom: Huh?
Sis: I asked her what she'd dress me into if I died and she immediately answered!
Me: Wait... what??
Sis: If I'd asked you, you would've gone crazy on me and started shouting "Don't talk like that!", and she just... answered.
Me: Oh. My. God. *inner headbang* You asked, okay? And it's not like I think about it all the time, I just said the first thing that came to mind.
Sis: Sometimes I think about me dying. The other day I was going to work and I was thinking about it, and I got really sad, I almost started crying. I think it would be really sad if I died, you know?
Me: It's a good thing you love yourself so much so it doesn't even matter if I love you or not. Jeez.
Mom: *looking at us incredulously*
Me: But come on, I'd be sad, too, probably.
Mom: Yeah, you love each other a lot, she'd probably kill herself.
Sis (looks at me): Nah, we don't love each other.
Me (looking at her): Yeah, we tolerate each other at best.
(everyone laughs)
Sis: I think it'd be easier for us if Dad died first.
Mom: *blink blink*
Me: Oh yeah, totally.
Mom: What do you mean?
Me: The three of us, we'd support each other, we'd stick together. If you died, Valentina would probably get married as soon as possible and move away, have her own life...
Mom (nodding):... Dad would drink all the time, and you'd...
In unison: ... kill self.
Me: Haha, yeah.
Sis: And what if she killed herself?
Me (bending over, laughing till tears start running): Oh God, this is priceless! In every scenario I end up killing myself! No one ever considers the possibility of me just... dying.
Sis (laughs): Haha, yeah.

Heh. A person tries to kill self once or twice and can never live it down.

You're a bum, you're a punk, you're an old slut on junk

According to my friends, I'm a drunk, a ho, a bossy bottom, a fag hag, and a bitch. I wonder what would happen if I ever actually left the house...

That's my gmail status.

Puki disagreed: Btw, ne oodobravam status na gmailu. Da nisam dobro odgojen, rekao bih ti da si full of it :D (Btw, I disapprove of your gmail status. If I weren't brought up this well, I would tell you you're full of it.)

Icy agreed:K:you're a ho?since when?

(meaning: i agree with all the rest)
me: I don't know!
and I know, you beotch
LOL
K: you are sooooo a fag hag
you SO are
me: but it's apparently teh general consensus
I am, I know
10:04 AM I have this friend I keep groping
even though I realise i lack some essential equipment for him lol
K: i'm so taking this sentence out of context
Kristina "I have this friend I keep groping" Devic
me: lol wut?
K: back to the drunk part
me:what drunk part?
anyway, Neri and Sonja keep calling me a ho, a slut, a tramp...
dunno why
K: who are Neri and Sonja?
10:07 AM me: Sonja is my neighbour/friend, and Neri is another WM fandom friend
10:08 AM K: so it's validated by all your friends
from all places
me: apparently
K: you are a drunk, a fag hag,etc
must be truth dude
me: yeah
and yet, I'm at home all the time
10:09 AM alone
sober
schizophrenia FTW, I'd say
10:10 AM cuz I don't remember getting drunk
K: well, maybe you manage to be all those things while at home
me: but there are pictures
LOL
K: see, if you don't even remember, it means you're REALLY a drunk lol
me: ahahhahhahahahahahaa

+shruggs*
wow
+shruggs* ?????
10:22 AM K: hahahahahahhahaha
are you drunk?

8 minutes

10:30 AM me: I must be

ETA: Christel:

so now I'm stuck with faggy photos in my profile

me: ahahahhahaha

11:42 AM hey, i have pics of me drinking that people repost at forums

as a proof I'ma drunk

11:44 AM Christel: haha, your fault for having such so-called friends

me: yeah, I hate them all

---

In other news, I should probably revise the choice of websites I frequent when I find myself participating in this conversation:

me: BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS MERRY CHRISTMAS LIKE FISTING A PENGUIN AND RAPING THE NATIVITY SCENE. YES.

smn else: SRSLY. IF HE GOT ANY FURTHER INTO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT IT WOULD CONSTITUTE ANALLY INITIATED SKULL RAPE.

me: A LITTLE KNOWN FACT IS THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE SCENE THAT GOT CUT OUT OF "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE".

This pile of crap was brought to you by the dead pig in the garage.

You drive me up the wall

So. The Boy. Is apparently smarter than me. That... I didn't see it coming. And I don't know if I like it.

He said something and I said: "I don't have a reply to that. I'm thinking, but I've got nothing." And he went: "BWAHAHAHAHAHA." Um... excuse me?! So I said: "OK, OK, you win." and he said: "Oh it's so much more than win." *chagrined*

And then he quoted Eminem and I said I reserved the right to use that against him at any given moment. But then he pointed out I liked new Beyonce, so I shut up. *more chagrined*

Then we were talking about whatever, and he said: "I'm actually 18." "I know", I replied. "Eminem outed you. Also, I'm actually 13, so." And he said: "I know, The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants outed you." *even more chagrined*

So here I am and right there you are

Flirting on Facebook.

It's not beneath me. *facepalm*

What's the point of trying to meet you in the middle? You got your point of view, there's nothing I can do

Most of the times my Mom's really cool. Like, not at all stuck up and old-fashioned. She's rather liberal and not narrow-minded. But. There's one conversation we keep having over and over and over again. She just can't accept the fact that we'll never ever see eye to eye on the matter. So, welcome to the awkward world of discussing casual sex with my Mom. I'm just kidding, it's not awkward at all. After having it for so many times, it's actually one of the most comfortable conversations we carry every now and then. The thing is, she just can't accept it's as common as it is. I don't even know what triggered it today but here's how it pretty much went:

M: Tell me if it's normal.
K: Yes.
M: How can it be normal?
K: It just is.
M: It can't be normal.
K: Goddammit, it's normal!
M: But for whom?!
K: Oh for crying out loud, one of my friends is casually sleeping with her colleague. they're not dating, they're just having sex. The other keeps having these flings with guys that tend to be a little bit younger every time. (I used names, but I won't here.)
M: Wait, what? OUR *name*?
K: YES. Does that make her a tramp or trash?
M: No, of course not.
K: Well there you go.
M: But her?! How did that happen?
K: Oh my God. I dunno. She's a grown up, if she wants to have sex with boys, she can. Not everyone wants to have a boyfriend.
M: But why not?
K: Because it's exhausting! It's emotionally exhausting, and it's time consuming, and you have to compromise, and a lot of people today aren't ready to do that.
M: So they just get together and have sex.
K: YES.
M: And that's normal?
K: Jesus. Look. People have casual sex, people get pregnant at 16 and get married. People date for 5 years and THEN get married. I am celibate! I haven't been TOUCHED by anyone for over two years. EVERYTHING is normal. You cannot just cram my entire generation into one single box, OK? Can we just agree that you'll never understand it because this is just not your time?
M: I guess.
K: Fine.

Generation gap. Fun for the entire family.

It sure is fancy how you love me

OH. MY. GOD.

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE AWESOME THAT ARE MAICHAN AND AJ.

Do you know what they did? DO YOU? No, you don't. So listen.
Maichan got me a Christmas card and then AJ got JENSEN FUCKING ACKLES SIGNING IT FOR ME! And now I have something touched by Jensen Ackles. (Which basically means I should get tested cuz God knows what I got just by opening the envelope. :P )

But look at my card!!!!!


And the best part? THE BEST PART is the card itself (and I'm pretty sure he never saw the front of it TEE
HEE) because LOOK AT IT:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

For those who may not know who Jensen Ackles is:

And THEN Maichan add the second card, this time from herself in which she mentions hobos, emo cutting, and boobies. To be precise, her husband thinks Jensen's sig looks like boobies (and for the extra lulz: that's pretty much how MY boobs look like - completely different in size and shape!), Maichan thinks I'm a hobo who cannot afford heat in the winter, yet she asks of me not to be cutting myself, because SHE LURVEEEES ME! It's the most awesome Christmas card EVER! Let me show you it: