There've been too many tears falling,
And there've been too many hearts
Breaking in two.
There are things I cannot write about here and it's really fucking annoying. I locked this place for a reason and then I fucked myself up with letting people in without thinking it through. Oh well. I have LJ. Speaking of, if it seems like I'm not blogging as often as used to, I actually am. Just not here.
My grandma's funeral was actually pretty amusing. No, wait, let me finish. Yes, my family behaved completely inappropriately but guess what? It's who we are. And it's sure as hell who my Grandma was. First of all, when we arrived to the cemetery hours before the funeral, and we approached my aunt, Dad's sister, she was just about to start crying when my Dad hurried to say What's with you? You look as if someone had died. She laughed. Then later on, when my sister and her BF and my Mom's sister had arrived, we sat on a bench in front of the funeral home and just joked around. My Mom's sister, who is 70 years old, was a bit uncomfortable with the way we were all acting until my Dad said Oh don't worry. Your funeral will be much more cheerful. YES, I KNOW. Inappropriate behaviour is inappropriate.
So, this next bit requires some background info first. My Grandma's husband is not my Dad's father. He died of brain tumor when my Dad was 7. Oh hai, cancer, why don't you kill EVERYONE in my family! Anyway. My Grandma became a Jehova's Witness at some point and in 1981 she married another member of that sect and moved to another town with him. Now, they all like to boast about going straight to Heaven and being pretty much saints on Earth. Let me tell you, this guy? Anything but. He is cheap, he is cold, he is dumb as a post, and he's above all selfish. I'll never know how my Grandma managed to stay married to him for all this time. To illustrate, let's just say he wanted to kick us out of their house during the war when my village was occupied and my Dad was on the front fighting for the freedom of my country. Then my Grandma issued an ultimatum and told him if we left, she was going with us. He caved. He never loved us. Hell, he never liked us. The feeling was mutual.
He is a cheap bastard. The heating in their house has always been kept at the minimum. The lights had to be shut down the moment you left the room, even if you'd only go to the bathroom. When my Grandma's mother (who's also a horrible, horrible person, a bitch, really) had to be placed into a nursing home (where she lives to this day, mind you), and my Grandma had to give her pension to pay for it, he forbade her to phone us or anyone else, since now it was him who was paying the bills. No, I'm not making this up. When my Grandma had the stroke on Sunday afternoon, it wasn't until Tuesday morning that he called an ambulance. And then he didn't even let us know. Some random neighbour got our number from the book and called us. That's the kind of person this man is.
So when we were sitting around her casket, my family sat at one side and he sat at the other, alone. Well, he had his brothers Witnesses, but we stuck together. Judge us if you will, since then we've heard even worse stuff he did, so whatever. Anyway. At one point he uncovered her face and started wailing and lamenting in a very theatrical way. We may have rolled our eyes once or twice, but mostly we ignored it. Sayin shit like Why did you leave me now when I need you the most? (because she's selfish like that, how dared she die?) and You were always good to me, cleaning and cooking for me. (way to appreciate the woman she was, asshole) only showed how selfish he is, thinking about himself even at that moment. But then he said I was good to you as well. Never did I wrong you, never did I do you harm. and my aunt and I caught each other's eyes and we burst out laughing. God, that was embarrassing! We sat next to my dead Grandma and we couldn't stop laughing. But here's the thing: I could see it in my head - I could see my Grandma rolling her eyes at his theatrical mourning. And she would've been the first to laugh at him. So I think we made her proud.
The funniest thing that happened was when my aunt's friend sat between her and me and solemnly received condolances from uknown people. They didn't know she wasn't family ad she sat right there, taking their hands and nodding, picture perfect of grief. I mean, who does that?!
And then, on top of it all, the neighbour that informed us about Grandma having a stroke apparently tried to hit on my Dad. I kid you not. The woman would not back off. It was ridiculous. She kept following him around and my Dad asked me not to leave him alone. Unfortunately, when we first got to the cemetery, I had to use the bathroom, and by the time I got out, she already dragged him away to show him the grave spot. When they returned, my Dad looked pretty damn upset. And it had nothing to do with his dead mother. Later on he told me she'd pinched his thigh. At the cemetery! At his Mother's funeral! Who does that?!
Afterwards we went to a restaurant and she said to my Dad: You just sit wherever you want. and I could tell she was ready to follow him and sit next to him. So I backed him into corner and sat in front of him. I was seriously prepared to fend her off with my purse. Woman, just beacuse you knew my Grandma, doesn't mean you get to inherit her son when she dies! Seriously. P.S. Her late son was only 6 years younger than my Dad. P.P.S. My Dad is happily married to my Mom (so much so he told her about this woman advances immediately). P.P.P.S. She too is married and her husband was there.
Well, I think that about covers it. Lulz at a funeral. We has it.
