As I dream about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead...

...I cannot be anything but grateful. Why? Because the last two weeks have been the weeks of bad, awful and worse movies for me. What the hell is going on with the movie industry? OK, OK, there must be good movies out there, I just managed to miss them all somehow. But anyway. Reviews.

The Women
I cannot fucking believe I paid money to see that. First of all, what the hell was that movie even about? No, really. Except for, like, a lot of women running around and yapping to each other. The message of the movie is not that behind every successful women there are her friends. Nuh-uh. I'm not even sure there is a message, but here's what I got out of the pile of crap this was: when your husband cheats on you, don't divorce him! No, you go and change yourself. After all, it must be your fault that he cheated, so you better go and work on improving yourself, mmkay? You go out, let his mistress humiliate you in public, then decide you have to beat her at this game, because clearly, your husband is a catch, and then when you're someone completely different and he's intrigued and wants you back (most likely till he meets someone new again), you go and take him back right away, beacuse, OH NO!, he might change his mind. SERIOUSLY.

The Christmas Cottage
Starring Jared Padalecki of the Gilmore Girls and Supernatural, Oscar winners Marcia Gay Harden and Peter O'Toole, and a bunch of anonymous people. OK, fine, I saw it for Jared and thank God he's as hot as he is because I don't remember a movie as boring as this one. I don't even know what that is about. So he paints and his mother has debts and his old neighbour looks as if he's about to drop dead any second now and there's a Christmas pageant to be held. Believe it or not, this summary of mine makes more sense than the movie itself. Two hours of my life I'll never get back.

Ten Inch Hero
Starring Jensen Ackles of Supernatural, Danneel Elta Harris of One Tree Hill, Clea DuVall of Heroes and some other things, Sean Patrick Flannery who was the young Indiana Jones, hello!, and a bunch of anonymous people, one of which is One Tree Hill's Peyton's creepy fake brother Derek. Anyway. All of these people are, like, outcasts. They're different. Jensen is very original because he wears this mohawk in different colours every day and that's, you know, alternative. Elta is a whore. A slut, if you will. Clea has this online life but she's not pretty so she's shy and stuff. Sean Patrick Flannery... well, he's got a nice torso there. Anyway, they're all weird and stuff, but then they all completely change their personalities and become regular sheep and that's when they find true loves and eternal happiness and, I dunno, reach nirvana or something. See, the point is that none of us really wants to stand out. No, what we really need to be happy and feel like we belong or some shit like that, is to be exactly like everyone else. So go out there and be conformists. Because Ten Inch Hero told you to.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Starring Rory Gilmore of Gilmore Girls, Ugly Betty of Ugly Betty, Joan of Arcadia of Joan of Arcadia and some generic blonde, you know the type, dime a dozen. So this one... this one's really something. They buy these pants, okay, and the pants are magical. The pants, and we're talking one pair here, fit all of them. I'm sensing they actually used four different pairs, but that just me. Naturally, it's summer and they all go to different parts of world and then they each wear pants for a week and then pass them on. Sounds ew, right? Especially because there's a rule that pants mustn't be washed at all. Luckily, no one got their period unexpectedly while wearing them. So there are dead parents, and dead kids, and first loves, and Greek islands, and Mexico, and tennis, and videogames, and OH MY GOD, WHY DID I WATCH THAT?!!!

I am so looking forward to watching Burn After Reading. My brain could certainly use some resuscitating.