Whatever

I'm so uninspired that I can't even think of a title for this post. Actually, that is not entirely true. I have a title. However, it is a title for... I don't quite know what yet. It does sound like one of the titles Panic! At the Disco would use for one of their songs, the one that grabs your attention but has absolutely nothing to do with the song itself. I'm not gonna reveal it. lol reveal! Like it's a secret! I'll keep it, maybe one day I'll write something under it.
So what was I talking about? Oh yeah. Nothing.
I passed my first Croatian exam ever. EVER. I got a C. I was in shock. I still am. But I'm damn happy. I could be happy because my sister is leaving tonight too. And because "Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix" is coming July 19. OH I CAN'T WAIT! But it better be good, and not like "The Prisoner of Azkaban". And then the book... That's even harder to wait for. God knows when it will be translated. No, I'm not reading it in original. Seriously, I wouldn't understand a thing - too many made-up words. A few years ago no dictionary would have been of any help with "quidditch". So translation it is. How did this turn into a post about Harry Potter? Oh, and did you hear Daniel Radcliffe got a statue in Madame Tussaud's Museum? And he's not even wearing the Harry Potter costume! OK, OK, I'm done.
How sad is this: Friday night, summer, and I'm home with my computer? Well what can you do...

Currently reading: Innocence, Kathleen Tessaro

Thursday Psycho Blabber

"The Human Stain" is in 50 minutes and I'm waiting for the results of the stupid exam that I'm gonna fail to be posted on the Internet.
I finally got the DVD from that forum gathering. Damn, I look awful. Seriously. That video is anything but flattering. Luckily, I'm not there that much so I suppose I'll survive. Besides, P sent me a lovely e-mail saying, among many,many other things, I was pretty. How sweet is he?
It's my sister's birthday today and thank you all who congratulated her on her behalf. I tried to get drunk but it didn't work. Stupid booze, not doing its thing anymore.
Sister is going on holiday tomorrow night. A week of peace and quiet. Wonderful.
So I was quite a drama queen the other day. Yeah, I know, what else is new? And then today he talked to me, said he was busy (I knew that...) and said he's working on putting up a web-site about everything and then asked me if I would be willing to write for it sometimes. I cannot tell you how flattered I was. Of course, he's going to ask a lot of other people to write for it but still...

Anyway, I was thinking earlier today. I know, I know... I might hurt myself that way, so I try to do it as rarely as possible. However, I did it today and this was my conclusion: I AM NEEDY. Yeah, you knew that. I need attention. I always feel like I'm love-deprived. And I'm not talking about LOVE. I'm talking about my need to get attention from people that surround me. I want to be asked how I am. I want to know someone is thinking about me. I want to know that I matter. And I know that everyone has their own problems and their own lives and their own needs but it's just how I am. That is why I turn into such a black hole so often, the kind that sucks in light and joy. I feel like I'm lacking something. And the weirdest thing is that I get so much love from my family. Yeah, I bitch about them but what family doesn't fight? But they do love me to death as I do them. Still, I seek... something more. But it's really weird. I tend to be quite introverted among people, at least until I get to know them better. And then, I need to be noticed at all times. If I feel like I'm being... dare I say... neglected, I get... dramatic. I'm sorry about that. Really. But I can't help it. I just wanted to tell you that I know how high maintenance I can be. And I am thankful to those who have the nervs to stick with me through all of the crap I give you.

Sad/Happy

I'm happy for you. You have got to tell me how it went, k?
But I'm sad because I've lost some real life friends to that, an I imagine it's even easier to happen with the online ones. Fuck 1000km. (even if it's not that far at all)
I hope I won't have to miss you.
But I'm afraid I will.

Bitch

As we've learned before, my subconscious is a bitch. So last night I had a dream. I'm in bed with a guy (unknown guy, I think I made him up, lol), we're both in our underwear and I'm thinking I'll be getting some. Or, more like it, he's thinking that. So we make out but I keep rolling off of him! WTF?! See? I don't even want to do it in my dreams!
But I have a pretty good idea what happened. See, in pure desperation I watched "Sex Inspectors" before falling asleep. It's a British show about couples having sex issues and two experts help them solve them. So now my subconscious is trying to deal with other people's issues too!
I think I should try watching some proper porn instead of this pseudo-scientific crap. Maybe then I'd be able to have some nice wet dreams, straight ones, that is. God knows I've had enough of girl-on-girl ones. TMI? Well, as Blogging Goddess would say, it's my fucking blog!

I Hate...

...that he won't talk to me.
...not knowing why.
...feeling like I've done something wrong when he could only be busy.
...obsessing over someone I've only met a couple of times.
...this.

Tuesday Blabber

I've been asked three times yesterday why there are no new posts. I'm alive, I'm well, I just had nothing to say. Coming from me, doesn't sound "well", does it? What can I say... It happens.
I'm a nervous wreck, to be quite honest. These exams are gonna be the death of me. I'm actually studying although I'm pretty sure it won't mean a thing. I have the strongest feeling I'll fail again. Stoopid Uni. Why? Why did I go back to school at this age? I'll never know.
Yesterday at Uni I met High School Crush's younger brother. Holly shit, what a gene pool that is! I totally noticed that guy in the halls but y'know, had no idea who he was. And as we were introduced he says "We've met, I think." and I said "No, we've just seen each other in the halls." Cuz lemme tell ya, I would've know had we met! lol
I dreamt of LCB. So now he's gonna haunt my dreams? Hope not. I woke up annoyed.
Sister is cleaning the room. It's her birthday on Thursday so she's having people over. I bought her a bracelet, she seemed to like it a lot. She's lucky she got anything, lol.
Doc asked me to come visit her this summer. Oh, how I wish I could! Stoopid Uni and reading tons of stoopid books! we're talking France here! LYNCH Uni! Perla asked me to come to Lošinj this summer, Maja asked me to come to Krk... and I'm not gonna go anywhere. Life's a bitch. But we knew that.

A Question

How come people I happen to like, like instantly, never like me back?
Not boys I have a crush on. Just... people. boys, girls... Whoever. People I think I could be friends with and then it doesn't happen. I hate that. And it bloody hurts.
OK, I know how this sounds. But honestly, this has got nothing to do with my current state. I have no intention to complain again. I'm getting Better, seriously. This is just something that has been on my mind. Why does that happen? I mean, you think you clicked with someone and they seem to like you and then... poof! it's gone. I wish i had the explanation, that's all.

There's like nothing on TV. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. But there's Roxette on the radio! Aww, the war years and the first foreign group that I loved passionately. I was 10, OK? But do you remember Joyride, She's Got the Look, Big L, Church of Your Heart and, of course, It Must Have Been Love and Listen to Your Heart... I had a huge crush on a 17yr old boy who was their biggest fan or something and as we would hang out, we would always be listening to them. Now you're probably wondering what was a 17yr old doing with a 10yr old. Well, I've always been very very mature. lol It was war time, OK? He was at his aunt's, I was at my granny's, there were dozens of other kids in the street and the age didn't matter at all. My sis was 7-8, some kids were 12 or 15... It was a different time.