JRM

Why I miss The Tudors...

Source

So last night I saw "Prozac Nation". At first I was only gonna watch it for JRM but then Christina Ricci's character, Lizzie, turned out to be a lot like me. In fact, some things she was saying were spot on of how I felt these last few days. So instead of trying to pass the emotions myself, I'll just use her words.

I'm falling. I don't really have anything original to say. Writing can't save me. How can I escape from the demons in my head?

Hemingway has his classic moment in "The Sun Also Rises" when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt. All he can say is, "Gradually, then suddenly."
That's how depression hits.
You wake up one morning afraid that you're going to live.

Mom, this has nothing to do with you, I mean it's nothing you've done.

I want to explain to Noah how exhausted I am, even in my dreams. How I wake up tired, how I'm being drowned by some kind of black wave.
But I can't write.
And he doesn't really want to know about it, anyway.

I just keep thinking that if I could just be normal...

And then there was this convo between Lizzie and Ruby, her friend.

R: Lizzie, when we're together you're fine, you're fun, you're...
L: I'm faking it.
R: Well, everybody does that.
L: Not like me.
R: Look, we all have bad days...
L (thinks): This is what people say in situations when they don't know what else to say.
R: People care about you, Lizzie.
L (thinks): What I want is for someone to understand, but they don't really. And that makes the platitudes harder to bear.
R: They do, people want to help, all right? I want to help you, but I don't know what to do. Lizzie, I don't know what to say
L (thinks): How about, "Shit. Call in the professionals."