A Call From Afar

DOC CALLED! Seriously! She called me from Canada not long ago. She said she'd call and she did.
It was so great to talk to her! It was almost surreal. I mean, I know my friends from the Internet are real but to actually talk to someone... It's something else. I worried about my English (apparently so did she: she said she had feared my accent would be so thick she wouldn't understand a thing but that it wasn't at all *blushing* and if it was a lie, it was one of the nicest ones I've ever heard) because I knew she speaks it perfectly (and she does) but it was so great talking to her.
She says it's not what she expected it to be but I hope it's gonna get better soon. I guess it's gonna take some time for her to adjust. She's moving tomorrow - there was a screw up with her apartment and the job isn't what it was supposed to be. As she put it, they'd sugarcoated it. Well, that happens everywhere. Can't blame it on Canada, I guess. She said she has to buy a computer and I hope she does so soon. The fact that she called means so much to me, I don't think she'll ever know just how much. So once again this poem comes to mind, probably having more sense than ever. Speaking of friends, she said she's missing us all and told me to say HI! to MB, Bel, WFW, Nic, SU... Well, you know who you are.
She asked how I was, isn't she sweet? She moves across the world and asks about me. *tearing up* So yeah, I'm a bit shaken now, I hope she's OK. I know she's a brave girl and I know she can handle it but I hope it's not to tough on her. Canada better not be messing with my Sistah over there!

Friday Blabber

Wow, I can't believe it's been 4 days since I last posted. I wish I could say I was busy or something but the sad truth is that I have nothing going on in my life at this point so I have nothing to write about. I was supposed to go to the city to meet with Maja and Anja but honestly, I don't fee like it. I simply can't make myself go and talk about Uni with them when they passed the year and I didn't and it's just too fucking depressing. I can't take it. I just can't.
I've had the weirdest dream the other night. I was conducting an orchestra. I know, right? And there was Vince Vaughn. (That I can explain: he was guest-starring in that night's episode of Sex & the City.) For some reason he desperately wanted to date me. So he literally chased me down the street. Apparently I said I'd go out with him cuz the next thing I know I was with the guy in an elevator going up to the restaurant or something. It's just that it was Vince Vaughn no more. He turned into one of my professors. Eww, right? And further more, he's telling me we shouldn't engage into any kind of a physical contact in public cuz he's married!!! WTF?! So then why take a girl out anyway? Anyway... instead of ending up in the restaurant, we're in his apartment. No, not alone and not doing anything inappropriate! Eww! No, there is a bunch of people I know from my village and we're all having dinner. And my professor I'm supposedly dating is ignoring me. Not looking at me, not speaking to me... nothing. And of course, I'm pissed off and I'm trying to make an eye contact to see what's going on. And then I wake up.
What did you expect? it's a dream. There's no logic to it.

The Notebook & My Notebooks

I just saw The Notebook.
I'm a girl, therefore I cried.
No, it's not that. I really loved that book the first time I read it. I sobbed. At the part that didn't even cut it to the movie. If you've read it, you must remember the letter she wrote to him when she was diagnosed, where she said that even when she wouldn't remember, she'd still love him.
Anyway, I wasn't crying cuz of them. And I wasn't just crying over a movie.
I was crying because once again I have realised I am completely incapable to love. I'm dead serious. I see all these people around me who just love. And I don't. I don't know how. I don't think I have ever really loved anyone. And it makes me sad. I think I might be missing something I'll never know.
Stupid Notebook.

I haven't been eating properly in days. See, I thought I was doing fine. Until my Mum said it was normal I wasn't eating cuz I am nervous all the time. I thought I could handle another failure. But if that was the case, would I be sitting here at midnight, by myself, crying my eyes out? What if I never make it? What if I just get stuck where I am now? What if I never make anything of myself? I hate my life. I hate myself for being this... this... thing.


ETA: 2:23 PM
Interesting. I went to get my grade signed into my student's book and found out it was not a D as I had thought but a C. Who knew.

Making A Video

OMG! OMG! OMG!
Do you know what I just learned how to do? I accidentally discovered how to create a video with pictures and music! Ahahahahahahaha! I'm so excited! Imagine the possibilities! *clapping and bouncing up and down on chair*
And look! Here's what I made!

Saturday Blabber

My sister was quite sick, you know, high temperature, runny nose, headache... and now I think I'm down with it. I can't stop sneezing and my head is killing. Could it have something to do with staring at the screen a lot? Nah... Then my mom fried some sausages and the smell almost made me puke. Yuck. They tasted all right though.
I'm freezing. I guess sumer is officially over. That sucks.
So last night I made myself a ham-cheese sandwich and my sister, seeing me eat it, decides she wants one too. Actually, she wants two. I hop off to the kitchen to make it. And I cut the ham with a knife and it's well smoked so it's hard to cut it really thin and I also cut the cheese really thin (we don't buy that fancy slices of anything, not bread, not cheese, not salami...). So I make her the sandwiches and bring them on a trey and she takes one look at them and says: That bread is from yesterday. And I say it's not. But she says she could tell. And I have to fight the urge to hit her real hard. So I just reach out my hand as if I'm gonna take the trey and take it back to the kitchen but then she goes: No, no. I'll eat it. And then after she was finished she says: It really was today's bread. No shit, Sherlock. Sometimes she just drives me crazy.

Fuck That.

So now I passed that second exam.
Great.
Now that it doesn't make any difference anyway.
Just great.
I'm not even fucking happy about it.
Sure, one down. But still gazillion to go.
Fuck that.

Tuesday Blabber

It seems like I haven't posted in ages. I was really busy with the Talk Story. But it's up and running now and it's awaiting new members with arms wide open.
Anyway, back to reality. I failed an exam today. So nothing new there. But this time it made me feel really really bad. I'm not gonna go into great detail, let's just say it was very traumatising. Not to mention that there goes my chance of passing the year. It's OK though, I'm not the only one. I spoke to lots of colleagues who are in the same position as I am. Oh well, shit happens.
So now I don't have the will to study for an exam I could be taking next week. What's the point really? I'll have the entire next year to do that.
On the brighter side, I have Prison Break's new episode downloading right now...