Dear new boiler!
I know you're new to the family. Welcome. I hope you're enjoying your stay so far. Here's the thing, though. You're a little boring. You actually provide us with warm water. It's not that I don't appreciate your hard work. I do.
But see, we used to have a boiler that pretended to be doing its job, but wasn't really. I'd get into the tub and it would mislead me into thinking there was warm water, and suddenly and unexpectedly the water would go from warm to freezing. That was fun. In that hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-woman-suddenly-drenched-in-freezing-water kind of way. Every shower was an adventure.
You seem like a nice boiler. Really. But where's the fun in that?
Love,
Kris
~~~~
Dear computer!
I love you. You're awesome, quirky and fun. You know what I love the most? It's that little thing you do lately. You know what it is. That ridiculously entertaining random shutting down you do. That? I think that's my favourite thing about you.
Remember when I was recording that long ass story for Ashley today and as I recorded 42 minutes of my speech, you suddenly and unexpectedly just shut down? And nothing I recorded was saved? Yeah. I loved it.
Don't ever change. I'm sure you'll be happy to shut down once and for all when I THROW YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF THE WINDOW!
Love,
Kris
~~~~
Dear February!
How I love that you've arrived! You just might be the most wonderful of all months!
Already we are flooded with the announcements for romantic comedies on every TV channel available. How great is that? I can't wait to watch endless number of beautiful people being in love and having sex on my TV. That is why Valentine's Day is so awesome - you can watch people rub their fabulous relationships in your face not just on that one day, but every day for two weeks long and then some!
You know what else is just to die for in you, dear February? FINALS. Oh my God, aren't they just the greatest? I love them. My favourite is probably the one in literature. You weren't there, but we had a quiz every single week from October till last week. And then, most of us ended up with not enough points to avoid having taking the final exam, even though the whole idea of having a quiz every single week was to not have to take the final. So isn't this exciting? It doesn't matter that we worked our asses off throughout the semester, because now we get to do that all over again. I'm simply thrilled and overjoyed with what's ahead!
Sweet, darling Februrary! If I could take away even more days from you, I WOULD. DIAF.
Love,
Kris
I know you're new to the family. Welcome. I hope you're enjoying your stay so far. Here's the thing, though. You're a little boring. You actually provide us with warm water. It's not that I don't appreciate your hard work. I do.
But see, we used to have a boiler that pretended to be doing its job, but wasn't really. I'd get into the tub and it would mislead me into thinking there was warm water, and suddenly and unexpectedly the water would go from warm to freezing. That was fun. In that hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-woman-suddenly-drenched-in-freezing-water kind of way. Every shower was an adventure.
You seem like a nice boiler. Really. But where's the fun in that?
Love,
Kris
~~~~
Dear computer!
I love you. You're awesome, quirky and fun. You know what I love the most? It's that little thing you do lately. You know what it is. That ridiculously entertaining random shutting down you do. That? I think that's my favourite thing about you.
Remember when I was recording that long ass story for Ashley today and as I recorded 42 minutes of my speech, you suddenly and unexpectedly just shut down? And nothing I recorded was saved? Yeah. I loved it.
Don't ever change. I'm sure you'll be happy to shut down once and for all when I THROW YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF THE WINDOW!
Love,
Kris
~~~~
Dear February!
How I love that you've arrived! You just might be the most wonderful of all months!
Already we are flooded with the announcements for romantic comedies on every TV channel available. How great is that? I can't wait to watch endless number of beautiful people being in love and having sex on my TV. That is why Valentine's Day is so awesome - you can watch people rub their fabulous relationships in your face not just on that one day, but every day for two weeks long and then some!
You know what else is just to die for in you, dear February? FINALS. Oh my God, aren't they just the greatest? I love them. My favourite is probably the one in literature. You weren't there, but we had a quiz every single week from October till last week. And then, most of us ended up with not enough points to avoid having taking the final exam, even though the whole idea of having a quiz every single week was to not have to take the final. So isn't this exciting? It doesn't matter that we worked our asses off throughout the semester, because now we get to do that all over again. I'm simply thrilled and overjoyed with what's ahead!
Sweet, darling Februrary! If I could take away even more days from you, I WOULD. DIAF.
Love,
Kris
8 spoke back:
I laughed. Sorry :)
Don't you just love boilers that work? I especially love that our new one doesn't leak and flood our basement like the old one did.
It's supposed to make you laugh, so that's good, I guess.
And yes, new boiler kinda rocks. I washed my hair and water was steadily warm and it felt a little bit like Christmas.
AHAHahahahaha
I love it when you come up with posts like this.
Have a good weekend Krissie.:)
Glad to see you're amused by my misery. :P
You too, Van. Pire.
You'd be a hit if you published stuff like this. Seriously.
Thanks for the laughs.
It's what my professor said back in the day.
Some day...
i love letters. i wrote one for my wisdom tooth once. I like these. and i really really like the 3rd cuz Feb hasn't been good to me either. valentine is NOT a fucking holiday. Who the fuck said it was anyway?
Fuck it all.
It's NOT a holiday! WORD, SISTER!
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