And So I Was a Cleaning Lady

No, seriously. For the last two weeks I've been substituting for a neighbour as a cleaning lady in the local bank, so she could go on a vacation. Now, I'm not saying it's embarrassing or anything - it's a job, and someone's gotta do it - but don't you think it's a little bit sad to be 29 and the only job you can find is cleaning someone's toilet for almost no money for an extremely short period of time? And now, back to being unemployed. Yay.

Well, I didn't plan to start on such a gloomy note, but there you have it. At least I didn't bring up my hemorrhoids (that is a story for a different post, best one I never ever write. You're welcome.)

In other news, my sister moved out. She and her fiance rented a flat in the city, so here I am, at 29, finally having a room to myself. I knew this day would come! And I'm still not paying rent. So... win?

Dad Discovers Internet

We gave dad the old laptop. Hoo boy.

Dad: Have you read the jokes on the Internet?
Me: Well, not all of them.

He proceeds to tell them to us.

~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~

Dad Discovers Internet vol. II

or HOW TO MAKE LOOKING AT INTERNET PORN COMPLICATED

Me: Watchu doin'?
Dad: Playing strip-poker.

I say a quick prayer begging whoever is listening to not let my Dad be stripping for random creepers on the Internet. I remember to add also not to let my Dad be the random creeper for whom the others might be stripping. (Is it worse for a 50yo man to be the creeper or the creepee? Hmm...)

Me: Um... what?
Dad: Yeah, whenever I win, the chick loses a clothing item.

I notice there's an image of a blonde chick wearing sweats next to the cards. WHAT A RELIEF.

Dad: The bitch is, whenever I lose, all of the clothes gets put back.
Me: You do realise there are easier ways to see naked women on the Internet, right?

...

About an hour later, me already in bed, he comes into my room triumphantly.

Dad: I undressed her!
Me: Well... congrats.

Dad keeps standing at the door.

Me: Uh... do I need to come see?
Dad: YES.

There's a show about everything these days

Let me tell you about a TV show that I just had the misfortune to watch.

It's a show about dream houses. Now, I expected it to be about taking a house and redecorating it to make it someone's dream house. You know, that kind of a before/after show (that I'm almost not ashamed to admit watching).

It started with a real estate agent showing some people, with what to me is an obscene amount of money, a few houses that matched their desired houses. Oh okay, so they're going to buy a house, and then adjust it to their wants and needs. Sounds fun. So after the tours around the houses, accompanied by a million of ooh's and aah's, that's lovely's and yes, yes's, people decided on the house. Awesome. Now let's start redecorating!

Yeah... no. That was the end of the show.

No, really. There's a TV show where you watch people buy a house. What's next? Watching people buy food from Tesco.com?

Oh and you know what? At the end they said the people waited too long to make an offer and didn't even end up buying the house. Just... WTF?!