There's a show about everything these days

Let me tell you about a TV show that I just had the misfortune to watch.

It's a show about dream houses. Now, I expected it to be about taking a house and redecorating it to make it someone's dream house. You know, that kind of a before/after show (that I'm almost not ashamed to admit watching).

It started with a real estate agent showing some people, with what to me is an obscene amount of money, a few houses that matched their desired houses. Oh okay, so they're going to buy a house, and then adjust it to their wants and needs. Sounds fun. So after the tours around the houses, accompanied by a million of ooh's and aah's, that's lovely's and yes, yes's, people decided on the house. Awesome. Now let's start redecorating!

Yeah... no. That was the end of the show.

No, really. There's a TV show where you watch people buy a house. What's next? Watching people buy food from Tesco.com?

Oh and you know what? At the end they said the people waited too long to make an offer and didn't even end up buying the house. Just... WTF?!

Has anyone seen my youth around?

Today I realised the last three guys that expressed their interest in me sexually were all forty-something divorced men with teenage children.

Who the hell am I and when did I become her?!

Things change, they say

You know, I haven't had sex in a really long time, but if this is how ~things~ look nowadays, I'd rather pass anyway.

Oh, wow, really?

Like, someone wants to have this on their body forever?!

"I'm okay!" the cake said.

The roof is fixed.

In other news, the glass on the oven door exploded yesterday.

Krissie's Book Club

Well okay, I'm not Oprah, therefore I don't actually have a book club. I do, however, have a book I'd like to introduce to you. Lo and behold! (I don't actually know what that means, but it seemed appropriate.)

RAZOR WIRE PUBIC HAIR is the touching tale of a living, breathing, thinking, sex toy that is hopelessly in love with its owner who views it as little more than an object.

It's not as bad as you thought, right? It's a little on the wacky side, but kinda endearing nonetheless.

Yeah well, keep on reading.

Imagine a world without men where the only way a woman can reproduce is with the help of a giant computerized incubator and a genetically engineered sex toy. Now imagine that this sex toy is intelligent. It has emotions and a soul. It hopes and dreams and it falls in love. This is the premise of Carlton Mellick III's RAZOR WIRE PUBIC HAIR. One of the main characters "The Sister" is a nymphomaniac who is covered from head to toe in vaginas. Celsia is an Amazon warrior with pubic hair made of razor wire. The main character is a genetically engineered hermaphrodite sex toy named Celsia 2 who longs to be loved by his/her owner. Oh, but wait, there's more ... there's sex starved zombies, hordes of marauding rapists, twat frogs, a hoota beasts that is basically just a big hairy vagina with legs, and still another giant talking and apparently quite wise vagina built into the wall of the mansion in which many of these creatures reside.

I'll leave you with that.

I'm watching youuuu

From the bushes.

No, seriously, we had a voyeur in front of our room last night. It was around 11pm, my sister already asleep, me at my desk reading fic, mom asleep... when the phone rings. The neighbour from across the street called to let us know there was a creep on a bike in front of my window looking into my room. Then the neighbour's husband shouted out: Seeing anything interesting there?, so the creep climbed his bike and drove away.

But I mean, I sat at my desk fully dressed, reading. What was there to see? It's not even creepy - it's just sad. Personally, I think he was just watching TV.

Political WTFuckery

So our Prime Minister quit today. Out of the blue. One minute he's the Prime Minister, the next he's quitting.

I mean, I understand the guy. It's a tough gig nowadays. The country is in some deep shit. In the words of the man himself, U BANANI SMO. (We're in a banana. = We're screwed phrased in an extremely informal way, so very unfitting for a Prime Minister to use.)

You know the recession? Well, first the guy claimed THERE WAS NO RECESSION IN CROATIA. Because obviously, we know better than the rest of the world. Then he was like, OH ALL RIGHT, there might be SOME trouble ahead. The government then came up with some anti-recession measures that were NEVER PUT TO WORK. Of course, people are being fired all over the place, plants getting closed and what not, people are demonstrating in front of the Parliament almost every day. This is not a good time to be a Prime Minister, yanno? So the guy just QUIT.

He held a press conference where he said he was quitting for ~personal reasons~. I'm sorry, WHAT?! What does that even mean?!! So a journalist asks him what his reason for quitting just now was, and he says I GAVE YOU THE REASON! She goes UM, NO, YOU REALLY DIDN'T, and he starts yelling at her I'M NOT GONNA ARGUE WITH YOU HERE!

Also, he said: MY WORK HERE IS DONE AND NOW I GET TO STEP DOWN AND LET OTHERS TAKE OVER.

THE FUCKING NERVE.

Let me take you to the movies. Can I take you to the show? Let me be yours ever truly. Can I make your garden grow?

So today we had another non-date.

You know, if he's not into dating me, he should at least have the decency to not look so fucking adorable when meeting me! But nooo, he shows up looking like a million dollars, reducing me to a giggling moron. AND it's probably not even for me because he's off to a birthday party after the non-date. Can you tell it's highly frustrating?!

Anyhoo. Had it been a date, it would've been a perfect one. We met, then had coffee in a nearby café, and then I said I had to go because I had a train to catch. Then he asked when was the next train and I said it was in an hour and a half and then he suggested I stayed. After some serious consideration that lasted full 10 seconds or so, I agreed. We left the café and went for a walk along the river. Sun is shining, it's warm but not to hot, the sky is ridiculously blue, and we're walking side by side, hands brushing off one another every few seconds... Pure perfection.

We make a huge circle going back through the city, chatting and laughing, exchanging glances... We pass a newly wed couple on their way to photographing and we talk about weddings and stuff, then a girl hands us some pamphlets about AIDS and condoms. I give him mine and he says he doesn't need it and I say he might since he's on his way to a party and he laughs. Its fun, it's comfortable, he's adorable...

Then it's time for me to leave and I say "See ya!" and he says "When you ask me again." I say "Ooh no, I won't ask you again!" and he says "Yeah, okay, my move it is." and we part ways. DID HE MEAN IT?! UGH.

Then I walk past a random guy on the street and he says "Whoa, doll, you just made my day, for real!" Eh, I'll take it.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now

Just turn around.

~ Holy shit, SovCro postcards are hideous. True story. I apologise in advance.

~ Oral presentation postponed till next week. Oh see me weep.

~ Sons of Anarchy. NEXT TIME FORCE ME SOONER. Seriously.

~ I think one can totally tell just by looking that I've lost weight. V. happy.

~ If I never hear about Star Trek again, it'll be too soon.

~ Fuck you, PB writers. Fuck you up your ass and... and... something not nearly as pleasant, I just can't think of it right now.

~ Krk, here I go again apparently. Yes, it's hard w/o my awesomeness, so I must grace you with my presence.

~ Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - surprisingly SPN like in the beginning, not so much later on.

~ 30°C FTFW!

So here I am and right there you are

Flirting on Facebook.

It's not beneath me. *facepalm*

Call the clowns and listen closely Part II

Now with the actual clown.

Call the clowns and listen closely

You'd think that watching an episode of Supernatural in which a teddy bear comes alive, gets depressed and blows its brains... uh, head stuffing out would be on the top of the creepy in one day. You'd be wrong.

In the middle of the city sat an elderly man, dressed in a old-fashioned suit of dubious cleanliness. He also wore a hat and a red, curly wig. You could see his stubble around the edges of his cardboard clown mask.
He was playing an accordion. The song he was playing was "Jingle Bells".

And I did not have my camera with me.