I said "there is nothing that I can do for you that you can't do for yourself." He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help."

It happens when, for the first time, you talk to someone from the other side of the world, and they sound just as dorky and adorable as you pictured them. (I'm looking at you, Lindy!)

It happens when your cousin, who you and your family could barely stand visiting once or twice a year, stops drinking and once again becomes almost a brother you remember from growing up.

It happens when his 6-year-old son, who barely knows you, curls up against you holding your hand as he watches cartoons.

It happens when that boy, asked if he loves his Aunt Dana, says Nooo, points his finger at you and adds, diese ist viel besser (this one is much better). And hey, "'From the mouths of little children..." and all that! :P

Ungulates!

I love Maichan because she brings rainbows and ponies into my life! Often combined.




There goes her street cred... :P
To restore it, I must add she also scared the crap out of me with her card that SPEWED A NINJA BUTTERFLYINTO MY FACE! Gaaaaaaah! Scary motherfucker.
I've since scared my Mom, Dad, sister, sister's BF, and an unsuspecting neighbour. MT would be proud - she first send it to Maichan, and it has been passed on. LOL

Not everyone in my family is happy to see a horse, though.
This is Ferdinand trying to chase the horse away.


The horse totally ignored him, so he tried a less subtle approach.

Poor dog, completely unaware of his size and how nonthreatening he is. *pets him*

Let me take you to the movies. Can I take you to the show? Let me be yours ever truly. Can I make your garden grow?

So today we had another non-date.

You know, if he's not into dating me, he should at least have the decency to not look so fucking adorable when meeting me! But nooo, he shows up looking like a million dollars, reducing me to a giggling moron. AND it's probably not even for me because he's off to a birthday party after the non-date. Can you tell it's highly frustrating?!

Anyhoo. Had it been a date, it would've been a perfect one. We met, then had coffee in a nearby café, and then I said I had to go because I had a train to catch. Then he asked when was the next train and I said it was in an hour and a half and then he suggested I stayed. After some serious consideration that lasted full 10 seconds or so, I agreed. We left the café and went for a walk along the river. Sun is shining, it's warm but not to hot, the sky is ridiculously blue, and we're walking side by side, hands brushing off one another every few seconds... Pure perfection.

We make a huge circle going back through the city, chatting and laughing, exchanging glances... We pass a newly wed couple on their way to photographing and we talk about weddings and stuff, then a girl hands us some pamphlets about AIDS and condoms. I give him mine and he says he doesn't need it and I say he might since he's on his way to a party and he laughs. Its fun, it's comfortable, he's adorable...

Then it's time for me to leave and I say "See ya!" and he says "When you ask me again." I say "Ooh no, I won't ask you again!" and he says "Yeah, okay, my move it is." and we part ways. DID HE MEAN IT?! UGH.

Then I walk past a random guy on the street and he says "Whoa, doll, you just made my day, for real!" Eh, I'll take it.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now

Just turn around.

~ Holy shit, SovCro postcards are hideous. True story. I apologise in advance.

~ Oral presentation postponed till next week. Oh see me weep.

~ Sons of Anarchy. NEXT TIME FORCE ME SOONER. Seriously.

~ I think one can totally tell just by looking that I've lost weight. V. happy.

~ If I never hear about Star Trek again, it'll be too soon.

~ Fuck you, PB writers. Fuck you up your ass and... and... something not nearly as pleasant, I just can't think of it right now.

~ Krk, here I go again apparently. Yes, it's hard w/o my awesomeness, so I must grace you with my presence.

~ Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - surprisingly SPN like in the beginning, not so much later on.

~ 30°C FTFW!

Here I go again on my own

WHYY??! o.O

I had a productive afternoon - I saw episodes 1-5 of season 1. And it was good.


Tomorrow should be interesting - the Ministry has decided the classes are to be held according to the schedule, but the students refuse to give up on their demands. There could be police involved... I'm only going at noon, so I guess it'll be over by the time I get there. Of course, we got nothing, even though even Noam Chomsky expressed his support to the Croatian students. LOL

A friend of mine said to me today: Last night I was set up with a girl with no life. But I don't mean like you, with no life for real. LMAO Was it a compliment?

I was going to see Wolverine but people say it sucks. I'm finding it hard to wrap my head around it - how can it suck when it has shirtless, bulked up Hugh Jackman? Someone explain this to me.

Is there anyone here willing to write a paper on Croatian Realism? Yeah... didn't think so. Well then, I'll take a really, really good fic rec. KTHXBAI.

Or, y'know, there's always Brian Kinney. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

And if theres someone you can just shove out, do so.

Oh God, ahahahahahahahaha! These Pop idol auditions are always hilarious! There's a guy who sang one of the judge's song and in the FIRST LINE he sang a non-existent word. What the fuck? You can't do that! Then there was a guy fully dressed as a cowboy: the boots, the plaid shirt, the hat... He said the ladies in Osijek look at him funny for the way he dresses. Um... This is not Texas. You're not... I dunno... Tim McGraw. Seriously. Reality check.

Writing. It's hard. I have the complete story in my head, but when I try to put it on paper... well, screen, it just doesn't come out right. But I'm working on it because I can't keep it inside of my brain anymore.

OMG OMG OMG! The chick that's singing "If I were a boy" is TERRIBLE!!! One of the judges is about to fall off his chair. God, I hope the video will be up on YT soon.

I'm meeting Puki on Tuesday. He ordered me to prepare at least 5 jokes and 5 funny and happy things to tell him about when we meet. He claims that his charm and goofy smile top my sarcasm and he's adamant in having me cheered up. It's like it's his mission in life to make me happy or something. He's adorable. He's bound to fail, of course, but he's adorable nonetheless.

In other news, Steve Carlson is now following me on Twitter and Chris Kane apparently freed my country from occupation.

Feeling very small underneath the universe

I need to write, so bear with me.

I dreamt of The Boy. We were sitting in a bathroom stall in some school, down on the floor, and we were talking. But he wore a metal box on his head. You read it right. He had a metal box. On his head. As in, his head. Was. IN. The box. There was some sort of locked door in the front so he opened it so I could see him. It was really weird.

Wow, this was one hell of a long day. Got up at 6.10, left home at 7.05, returned at 6pm. Dead. Beat. I had PE, okay? Which wasn't even that bad, considering. Before that we had the Croatian lit class that ended with a quiz. Which would've been fine, had we had any fucking clue what the TA was talking about. Hell, when he asked us one of the question, we were all like: BZUH?! And he goes: Do you understand the question? And we all went: Uh... NO?! Then he "explained". But not really. So that was that.

Then there was PE. Where we were measured and weighed and had our BMI calculated and various other shit. And the professor says to me: You have too much fat tissue. And I make my trademark DUH face and grab my boobs with both of my hands. The boys laugh and the professor says: Fair enough. FUCK YOU, I AIN'T FAT! I'm not skinny and I have a belly (I don't think you're ready for this jelly...) but I most certainly ain't obese!

Then it was fun tiems! We picked up Maja and went to lunch. I ate healthy! Grilled chicken, mushrooms and mixed salad. Fiiiine. And grilled cheese. And a coke. Shut up. I'm curvaceous and I'm staying that way! It was so great to spend some time with Maja again! I love her. And she kept saying: I miss you! We miss her right back. She moved on to the 3rd year, we got stuck at the 2nd. She even said she's considering taking a year off just so she can have classes with us again. LOL

Afterwards we had three periods of Croatian Morphology. Oh. Fucking. Joy. It felt like a really slow, particularly painful death. Only worse. Because in the end I wasn't dead. I'm going to have to rinse and repeat over and over and over again. For what feels like forever.

Remember my need for writing fiction? Well, it's gone. Turns out, all it took was writing the beginning and the end of the story. The total of 786 words was enough to beat the will to write right out of me. Once you realise you're terrible at something, you don't really wanna keep it up.

Could today's (yesterday's) Supernatural be any more depressing? Made me wanna throw up a few times. Could be my general state of mind making me feel this way, but I don't know. As happy as it makes me that it's FINALLY back (because the withdrawals are not fun!), the way that it's headed is making me dread what's to come.

At least I'm not the only one feeling depressed. Remember Faye, the comic girl form my avatar? She's been pretty down herself lately. Is relating to a drawn character unhealthy? Oh hell, I'll just add it to the list. Right under the grilled cheese.

Remember those walls I built?

It's been brought to my attention that my friends have sort of been on a suicide watch for me.

Well, DON'T.

I'm not gonna kill myself. Hell, I'm not even gonna cut myself - I imagine it hurts like a bitch, I even hate paper cuts, okay? I'm not into hurting myself. Or others, for that matter.

What I'm trying to say, stop putting extra effort into "maintaining" me. Yes, I need it. Yes, I demand it. Yes, I'm fragile and needy and co-dependent and depressed 350 days of the year. But it still doesn't mean I want you here if it's a chore. It still doesn't mean I need people talking about me behind my back trying not to upset the crazy person. "Just nod and smile", I can hear them say.

My friends are not a chore for me. I don't want to be one either. Therefore, I declare DEFRIENDING DAY. Go ahead, knock yourself out. I promise, no hard feelings. DO NOT FEEL OBLIGED TO KEEP ME ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST. It's the worst thing you can do.

Picture postcards from L.A. to hang on my refrigerator door

From Tiffany and Christel, respectively. Because they're amazing like that. I love you, ladies!

Still I bleed

When I was 16 going on 17 we returned home. I never had a big circle of friends before, but somehow, in the next year I met a lot of people that had also returned home, just like we did, and we started hanging out. Suddenly I was out every Friday and Saturday with a group that varied from 8 to 15 people. And I loved it. The year between 17 and 18 has been the best year of my life. Suddenly, I mattered. people actually paid attention to me. I belonged. I had friends. I was one of them.
Then, my sister somehow started hanging out with us. My two and a half years younger sister. My gorgeous, friendly, charming baby sister. Before I knew it, she was the one that would get the text messages and I was the one tagging along. She was the one who started dating one of the guys, the one who confirmed her status in the group with that. I felt like I've been robbed. I felt like I've been kicked out. I didn't matter anymore. I was outshined.
One New Year's Eve we all went to a party as a group. Until it turned out that everyone had a pair except for me. After midnight all of my friends disappeared to make out or have sex or whatever, and I was left alone. I didn't want to go home because my Mom would ask about my sister and I couldn't say she was with her 5 years older boyfriend because it was a secret. So I sat at a bus station. In a dress. With my hair up. In high heels. In the early hours of the New year I sat at a bus station because all of my friends had abandoned me. The lowest point? A police car pulling over asking me if I was all right and if I needed a ride home.
Another memorable event was when a guy I liked, really liked, asked my sister to go out with him. And she considered it. It didn't matter how I felt, she was just trying to make that ex of hers jealous. At my expense.
Then she played match maker and set her best friend up with her boyfriend's best friend and slowly but steadily the group fell apart. I lost the best thing that I ever had because someone stole it away.
So yeah, I am needy. And I have issues.
The Internet came into my life bringing back that feeling of belonging. At WFW's I found a group of people that I had things in common with. People who laughed at my jokes. People who could cheer me up when I'd feel bad. People I shared things in my life with, easier than I could ever share them with people in real life. Once again, I belonged.
And then ~she~ (not my sister, obviously) showed up and swooped my friends away. Once again, I felt invisible and unimportant. When she shows up, everything revolves around her and no one talks to me anymore. And you know what? I don't need that. I really don't. So if I want to keep ONE PERSON just to myself, is that so horrible?
Call me a bad person. Call me a drama queen. Call me a bitch. I don't care. I just want to hold on to something for once and not lose it to a shinier new toy.

Everybody just say ahhhhh (ah ahh ahh ahhhhh)

Holy shit, Jared Padalecki!

*ahem*

In other news, YAY, I'm alive! Turns out, the girl, Marina, is NOT a homicidal maniac, but is, in fact, a very nice girl. \o/

Horror movies scare her, apparently. I LOL'd. So did the kids up at the gallery, they sounded like they were having the time of their life. Sadly, we've only got the lame 2-D version. Y SO LAME, SOVIET THEATRE? *chagrin* But still, HOW AWESOME WERE THOSE JENSEN CLOSE-UPS?

I kept saying: Shoulda brought my camera, shoulda brought my camera...

Afterwards we had some coffee and we discussed fic! FIC! I discussed fic speaking Croatian to someone in person!!! It's such a relief being able to say "slash" and not get "Oh, I know Guns'n'roses!" in return.

So I came home and my Mom asks how it went and I say it was great and she asks if we had things in common apart from "that actor" and I say sure and she asks what else and I wave my hand around and say: Oh, you know... this whole thing. and she asks which whole thing and I say it's kinda hard to explain.

Because I doubt she'd react well to me saying: SUPERNATURAL GAY PORN.

Like, open the fridge and stuff, and there'd be foods laid out for us with little pre-wrapped sausages and things.

I'm at R+ forum, as I often am, and this one guy politely asks the others to resize their pictures before posting them by suggesting they hit resize image in imageshack. It's a perfectly reasonable request. Or it would be, if most of the people there weren't complete idiots that have no idea what he's saying. (I was a noob once, too. I know what I'm talking about. Before I went and did anything anywhere on the Internet, I ASKED people how to do it. I didn't just randomly do fucked up shit all over. Mostly. *ahem*) So I say: I love how much faith you have in the users of this forum. To which he replies: Oh, are you trying to say that people on this forum are stupid? And I retort: I'm so not limiting it to this forum.

I got a surprise B yesterday in Syntax of phrase. The professor showed me my exam and I involuntarily went: Whoa! I was actually afraid I might fail. So the professor asks: Surprised? And I say: Totally. I was mostly going on a hunch here. Which, in retrospect, probably wasn't the smartest thing to say, but what the hell.

On Tuesday I had some sort of exam on that renaissance poem thing. We had to answer one question in writing and then add to it orally if it wasn't enough. So I answered the question, but not completely and my grade was leaning more to a B than to an A, and she asked me to tell her what happens in the introduction to the poem. And I haven't exactly read the poem. *ahem* But I read the other one that has pretty much the identical introduction, so I start rambling about this Gypsy that had lost all of her children except this last son, and how she complains about him, and I say: But this remaining one wasn't all that. and the professor bursts out laughing, repeats: Wasn't all that? and gives me an A. Turns out, this year the way to good grades is turning off any filter I might have.

Tonight I'm going to see My Bloody Valentine. Yes, yes, I said it already, but I haven't said I'm a tad scared. I mean, I DON'T KNOW this girl at all. And as we were setting our "date" yesterday, she asked how we would recognise each other, so I sent her my picture, and then I asked: But how will I know you? And she goes: Oh don't worry, I know you now, so I'll approach you. *creepy music playing* Seriously, I heard creepy music playing in my head. Apparently, my life comes with a soundtrack.

I'm sick, sort of. My throat feels like it's been ploughed through. And not in a fun way. But my voice is all deep and sexy. Hah.

Meet me by the entrance of the tube, we can talk things over little time

This may never happen.
But.
This MAY happen.
Aarika might come to Croatia in November. And if (when) she does, I'll be there to meet her.

How far is Split from where you are?, she asked.
As far as can be, I said.
But it's not far enough for me to miss this.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Someday never comes

Overwhelmed. That would be the word of the day. Hell, of the week. Not surprisingly, really, seeing how it's the end of the semester and finals are knocking on the door. They're one foot in, really. And me being me, leaving everything for the very last moment, is now swamped with work. Yet here I am, blogging. I'm letting off steam, okay?

Ashley asked me to record a podfic for her. Why, I'll never know. I slur when I read English, I can't pronounce certain words, I read way too fast (hence the first two problems, I suppose) and stumble over words (much like actors in Šokica, UGH), and I just can't hit that English sentence intonation. I actually went and recorded first three chapters (there are eight - ambitious of me, I know), but then deleted chapters 2 and 3 because there's weird buzzing that I just don't know how to get rid of. I'm not that unhappy with the first part, but since it went downhill from there, I doubt I'd be finishing it.

I haven't been having the best days lately, as you may or may have not noticed. Could be that I'm PMSing, but it's more likely the stress is kicking in, my usual not all that fun I-can't-do-this attitude overflowing me, when by this I mean living. Christel would ask me to stop being emo, Erica would suggest professional help, but I don't think I'm capable of following either of the advice. What I really want is a magic wand to wave my life away. Which, I guess, can also be done with a carefully dosed amount of sleeping pills. But then, where's the fun in that, right? Row, row, row your boat... When I'd really, really prefer drowning.

Enough love to go round the world

Or at least from you to me.

AJ, you are so awesome! I can't believe how well you chose, I wouldn't have picked a more me set myself. I can't wait to wear it! Thank you so much! I love it! And you. xoxox

There ain't no words for the beauty, the splendor, the wonder of my... Hair, hair, hair!

Sonja decided to pay for my hair done for my birthday. Well, taa-daa!

The gift you give me

I'm speechless, people. Really. Radio Plus and people there kick ass with how awesome they are.

There's a show Tuesday's night about books and they usually announce the book they'll be talking about and then at the end you can call and win it. So today they were going to introduce a book by ma favourite contemporary Croatian author, Renato Baretić and I went crazy at the forum screaming something like OMG I WAAAANT EEEEEEEET! But I had classes in the evening and couldn't listen to the show nor call, so I said that, adding a bunch of crying smilies.

And then... THEN! I got home some 20 minutes ago and found a message on Facebook from Danijela, one of the hosts from R+, saying the book is mine and is waiting for me at the station.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Hotel Grand, I'm coming to get you tomorrow! Happy birthday /Christmas to me from Radio Plus!

Oh happy day!

First and foremost: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAJA!


Second: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! FIRST ROW FOR "KAUBOJI"!!!!! *flails* FIRST FUCKING ROW! I stretch my hand and I can touch the stage! Can't wait! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!1!!!

Third: My sister found a bottle of Deep Red by Hugo Boss under her bed! I missed that perfume so so much! I'm so happy we apparently have one left. Not that I don't like my current one, Gucci by Gucci (duh!), but this is DEEP RED!

Fourth: Tentacle rape. On TV. Last night. And I thought to myself: This is relevant to my interests. OK, I know that tentacle rape in manga is like... Dylan Dog meeting a vampire. Or Marten being afraid of Faye. Basically, nothing unusual. But after scenes from cartoons where various tentacles raped body orifices of different characters, there was a real naked man, positioned on his elbows and knees, and a naked woman who was rubbing his bare ass with an octopus, which was, I can only assume, dead.
Tentacle rape - if the octopus is dead, you're doing it wrong.
Next thing I know, someone will be suggesting to spank me with a carp.

You're a bum, you're a punk, you're an old slut on junk

According to my friends, I'm a drunk, a ho, a bossy bottom, a fag hag, and a bitch. I wonder what would happen if I ever actually left the house...

That's my gmail status.

Puki disagreed: Btw, ne oodobravam status na gmailu. Da nisam dobro odgojen, rekao bih ti da si full of it :D (Btw, I disapprove of your gmail status. If I weren't brought up this well, I would tell you you're full of it.)

Icy agreed:K:you're a ho?since when?

(meaning: i agree with all the rest)
me: I don't know!
and I know, you beotch
LOL
K: you are sooooo a fag hag
you SO are
me: but it's apparently teh general consensus
I am, I know
10:04 AM I have this friend I keep groping
even though I realise i lack some essential equipment for him lol
K: i'm so taking this sentence out of context
Kristina "I have this friend I keep groping" Devic
me: lol wut?
K: back to the drunk part
me:what drunk part?
anyway, Neri and Sonja keep calling me a ho, a slut, a tramp...
dunno why
K: who are Neri and Sonja?
10:07 AM me: Sonja is my neighbour/friend, and Neri is another WM fandom friend
10:08 AM K: so it's validated by all your friends
from all places
me: apparently
K: you are a drunk, a fag hag,etc
must be truth dude
me: yeah
and yet, I'm at home all the time
10:09 AM alone
sober
schizophrenia FTW, I'd say
10:10 AM cuz I don't remember getting drunk
K: well, maybe you manage to be all those things while at home
me: but there are pictures
LOL
K: see, if you don't even remember, it means you're REALLY a drunk lol
me: ahahhahhahahahahahaa

+shruggs*
wow
+shruggs* ?????
10:22 AM K: hahahahahahhahaha
are you drunk?

8 minutes

10:30 AM me: I must be

ETA: Christel:

so now I'm stuck with faggy photos in my profile

me: ahahahhahaha

11:42 AM hey, i have pics of me drinking that people repost at forums

as a proof I'ma drunk

11:44 AM Christel: haha, your fault for having such so-called friends

me: yeah, I hate them all

---

In other news, I should probably revise the choice of websites I frequent when I find myself participating in this conversation:

me: BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS MERRY CHRISTMAS LIKE FISTING A PENGUIN AND RAPING THE NATIVITY SCENE. YES.

smn else: SRSLY. IF HE GOT ANY FURTHER INTO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT IT WOULD CONSTITUTE ANALLY INITIATED SKULL RAPE.

me: A LITTLE KNOWN FACT IS THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE SCENE THAT GOT CUT OUT OF "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE".

This pile of crap was brought to you by the dead pig in the garage.

It sure is fancy how you love me

OH. MY. GOD.

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE AWESOME THAT ARE MAICHAN AND AJ.

Do you know what they did? DO YOU? No, you don't. So listen.
Maichan got me a Christmas card and then AJ got JENSEN FUCKING ACKLES SIGNING IT FOR ME! And now I have something touched by Jensen Ackles. (Which basically means I should get tested cuz God knows what I got just by opening the envelope. :P )

But look at my card!!!!!


And the best part? THE BEST PART is the card itself (and I'm pretty sure he never saw the front of it TEE
HEE) because LOOK AT IT:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

For those who may not know who Jensen Ackles is:

And THEN Maichan add the second card, this time from herself in which she mentions hobos, emo cutting, and boobies. To be precise, her husband thinks Jensen's sig looks like boobies (and for the extra lulz: that's pretty much how MY boobs look like - completely different in size and shape!), Maichan thinks I'm a hobo who cannot afford heat in the winter, yet she asks of me not to be cutting myself, because SHE LURVEEEES ME! It's the most awesome Christmas card EVER! Let me show you it: